Sending big hugs to you. We had to put our cat, or should I say my little shadow, to sleep last August. She was 19 and going through renal faliure. We could've done something, but we didn't know if she would've accepted a tranfusion, they could find a blood match for the transfustion, and it would've be a minimum of 3 at the high end of $3000. The worse thing was to do nothing and let her suffer. There was NO WAY I could do that. We took her home and then the next night we had her put to sleep. The DH was in the room with her when they gave her the shot. There was no way I could be in there. After it was all done I went in and gave her a hug and kiss. Right now she's in her tin, in a Christmas stocking hanging on the wall with her favourite toy and brush. Her sister, Annie, went through a month of depression after we had her sister put down. Right now she's back to her so called normal self. One of these days we'll get another one, but right now I'm not sure how Annie would react to another cat since she's the "Queen B" right now. Some days are better then others still. I deliver pizza and it's hard when I go to a customers house and I see a cat that looks like Maddie. Or I'll go to one of the local vet's offices and see one up for adoption that looks like her. Sometimes I'll come out of the office and just cry my head off.