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You and your husband need to sit down and tell him flat out the house rules.
If you do NOT want him there at all you need to let this be known. If you DO wnat him there, especially since it seems that he wants to be a part of your family, then tell him that he is welcomed as long as he knows what time he can be there. ALSO, I would have him call his stepmom when he first comes over so that she indeed knows where he is and YOU know that she knows where he is. I had several children in our old neighborhood that would rather be at our house than thiers.
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