Oh....I haven't read any other responses but let me say I UNDERSTAND!
I've been married 20 years and about 3 months ago my husband told me he wasn't happy. We're not the type to argue or fuss and very seldom even disagree with one another. So this was a huge shock to me. I knew things had been "strained" for a few months but I just thought it was a process of life. After 20 years of marriage, some days, months or years are better than others for no apparent reason.
Anyway, I cried a lot and ask him to work with me and make things work. He said he would try but about a month later, he said it just wasn't working for him. I ask repeatedly if he was cheating and of course got the obligatory "no". He told me that girlfriends take time and money and he had neither. Well, I knew better. You do not end a 20 year marriage with 2 kids(ages 6 and 8, btw)just because you're not happy. I began to investigate and found out that he was indeed cheating on me. I had already filed for divorce before I had the actual proof though. We only told our kids last night about the divorce as we wanted them to make it through Christmas without the burden of what's going on. He's been sleeping in our daughter's bed (she sleeps with me)or on the couch for a while now.
I do not encourage divorce. But I also don't encourage staying in a loveless marriage. It will get you nowhere except hurt. The longer the marriage goes on, the worse it will be if/when the marriage ends. My soon to be ex is moving out tomorrow. In many ways, I'm glad. The stress and tension is unimaginable at times. On the other hand, it's very sad. It's like a death sentence, knowing the date and time.
I will add, that my dh had a lot of freedom to go out with his friends, come and go as he wanted and you see that didn't keep him faithful either. So even though you think your dh wants that, he probably doesn't.
My dh is a decent father, though for over a year he's stolen time from his own kids to be with a homewrecking *****. And now he's whining because the divorce papers show that he'll only have 52 days a year with his kids. It was 80 days but somehow when filed changed to 52. I have little sympathy for him because as I told him, he should have been home all that time he was with the tramp, eating dinner with his kids, watching TV with them and just enjoying the time with them. Now the thought of losing them is frightening to him. Oh well!
OP, you are in my thoughts. I'm sending many hugs your way. If you want to talk, PM me and we can email. I really do understand how you feel right now and I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Keep your chin up, stay strong and just be there for your kids....they'll need you!