We have always opened gifts, as I give my kids the option of either opening them there or taking them home to open them. Of course they always want to open them at the party. I prefer they take them home, however, as it is usually very hectic during the gift opening and it is very difficult to write down who brought what, etc. Seems like I always miss something or get who gave what wrong. I always make the kids send thank you cards. I also have to go back through the wrappings left over as never fails a kid missed something in the gift bags, etc., when opening. That's why I prefer them to bring them home. I never let them open the actual toys at an away party (if it's a home party that's fine--there usually aren't as many kids invited) as I've seen partygoers break the b'day kid's toys or actually walk away/try and take them home. I've also accompanied my kids to parties where the b'day kids (not my kids) have opened presents and make rude comments such like "oh I've already got that", or "I don't want that, can I take it back to Wal-Mart?", etc. You just never know nowadays what will come out of the mouths of babes! I think this can be very embarrassing for the kid that brought the gift. I also worry about the kids that bring like $5 or under gifts feeling badly when the b'day kid is opening much more expensive things (maybe the kids don't even notice though and I'm just a worrywort, ha ha--and I'm not saying there is anything wrong with a $5 gift).

OP, one way to combat your relative that you feel is returning her kids' toys, etc., is to actually take the child out shopping for him or herself (normally the kid will open the toy as soon as they get in the car--therefore it can't be returned). You might even take him to the movies "for your b'day", something like that that doesn't involve an actual gift, just an experience. Or give them a gift certificate to something like the movie theater or a local playplace that will have to be redeemed and can't be returned for cash. Who knows, your relative might even prefer this. I know with all of the junk/toys my 4 kids have, I prefer the relatives to give them money for their savings accounts or just take them to McDonalds (or give gift certificates to places like these) or the movies, etc. I would rather they have the experiences with the relative than more crap, ya know? It may just be her way of not having a closet full of 'stuff' that the kids won't play with, that they open up and play with once and then discard.