I guess I'd say the difference is that you are paying the daycare provider to perform a professional service, and screaming at a child is unprofessional.

It's one thing for me to occasionally burn a steak on the grill. It'd be quite another if I were at a restaurant and they brought out a blackened steak that was supposed to have been rare. When you pay a professional, you expect professionalism.

I have to say, I'm sure my mom raised her voice at us, but I can't recall any specific episode where that occurred. I do, however, remember my 7th grade history teacher pitching a fit once. So to say that a single instance of fury on the part of the parent will have a greater negative influence than a single instance of fury from someone else isn't necessarily accurate.

My children know I love them and would give my life for them if necessary. For me to yell at one of them in a moment of PMS-induced frustration will resort in a very short-term rift. As soon as the storm passes. the relationship will be back to normal.

I think if a caretaking adult chastised one of my kids loudly and angrily, especially in the presence of a room of non-related peers that it owuld have a much greater negative impact than me just saying with a lot of gusto, "SUZY! Get OFF of that counter RIGHT NOW!" and stomping my feet. The difference is the abiding and committed love between parent and child that a care provider simply can't mimic.