I guess I just 'woke up' over the past few years and realized my 'best friend' since kindergarten (I'm 37) isn't really much of a friend to me after all. I've been there for her over and over, even walking in from a 5 hour trip and getting right back in the car at 11 p.m. to drive 2 more hours to see her in her time of need. She was my maid of honor, she left me out of her wedding, etc. I have been to the hospital to see every child she has given birth to (and one she lost, family funerals, etc.), but she could never be bothered (always an excuse of course) to come see me with even one child (I have 4). The list goes on and on.

I did finally tell her how I feel a few days ago (after trying for so long just to 'get over it all', I am just truly finished). She called me to get driving directions to a local amusement park. I guessed right off that she and her other friend were going away for a 'girls' weekend with their daughters as she has done this numerous times over the years (which by the way I have 3 daughters, one close in age to theirs). She's always too busy to do anything with me, etc. She has bailed out on me at the last minute every single time I've needed her (and I have to be pretty desperate to ask anyone for help truly--I've had one sitter out twice in 10 years and no help from family as they don't live here), and even the one time I desperately needed a sitter and was already half way to her house on my way to a funeral (the funeral was located two hours after I was to drop my kids off), WITH my kids in tow (and I had to call HER to find that out in route). Sigh. I quit calling her my best friend years ago, but she still refers to me in this manner, and even had the nerve to tell me that on the phone the other day (it had pretty much become a phone friendship as I haven't seen her in almost two years and we are less than 2 hours apart). She hatefully asked me if I was having a major life crisis or something to that effect, ha ha (worded it differently); no just a wake-up call, lol. I guess I feel like if you really want to do something, you'll step up to the plate and do it (I mean, can't find her way to visit me in the hospital within a 10 year timeframe--kids are 1-11 years, come on! Not to mention that with several I was in there for a week straight, complications, etc.). Three of my kids she didn't even see until they were over 2 years old except in pictures.

I wish her all the best in the world, but unless there is an act of God literally, I feel I'm finished with that friendship. Also, what kind of true friendship is it if we can't be honest with each other (and I felt her comment about me having a current bad life situation was pretty low actually, especially when I just found out my mom is losing her eyesight, has to have two cornea transplants and they just told her she can't drive anymore, etc., so I really could have used a true friend to talk to about that). Certainly it will never be the same. I guess it is what it is and move on. It just really stinks when you have to 'realize' that people aren't what you made them out to be, even if you probably knew it all along. I think some friendships we just hang on to because 'it's always been that way' or 'they've been my best friend forever, etc.'

You guys sound like wonderful true friends, and I can tell you honestly appreciate the true friends that you have. You are very very lucky. Friendship is about both parties stepping up to the plate; it doesn't last if it's one sided all the time. I am happy to spend all of my time with my kids and DH though; the kids won't be around forever and I am lucky to get to spend so much time with them now. I don't really have the kind of time either with 4 kids to keep a friendship going so I guess it really was for the best (and I would totally think nothing of it if it wasn't for the fact that my 'friend' has so much time for her other friend and is there for her at the drop of a hat, etc.). Sorry to ramble everyone. You guys are great therapists.