I feel for you - it is difficult dealing with the elderly when they get to where they can't care for themselves and then having to deal with family on top of that. I am in a similar situation right now, only it is my MIL. My SIL has been taking care of most of her needs lately and has started really griping about it, but when we offer to take her for a while, do things for/with her, SIL acts jealous and gets nasty. She has been taking care of most of MIL needs for the past 4-5 years and is starting to resent it. We have always offered to let MIL come and stay with us but she won't because she thinks we don't know that she smokes, so she won't stay for more than a day or so (ridiculous, I know). She forgets that we took care of her and FIL before he passed away for 11 years when she lived out of state.