I'm nervous about posting this, because I try to stay away from morality-based discussions on this board. Morality, to me, is personal in many if not most situations, and I am apprehensive about appearing like I'm trying to impose my beliefs on you. And frankly, on the other side, I don't think that I should have to defend my moral positions, which might be wildly divergent from yours.

Opponents to abortion have a strong morality-based objection, and I don't want to say anything to denigrate that. But I do think that those of you who oppose abortion in all its forms sometimes minimize and demean the truly heartbreaking decisions facing people who elect to terminate pregnancies.

But, my rectitude seems a bit unfair in some ways. Those of you opposing abortion post your morality-based decisionmaking, and I respond. But I never post why I believe what I do.

So, here it is. I'm not looking for a debate. I'm not looking for an argument. Indeed, I'm really apprehensive about posting this at all, because of how personal it is. For those who have been on boards with me in the past, you will know how hard it is for me to share this. I only do because I think this issue is important and requires some transparency.

This is my experience with grappling with abortion and my nephew Kyle.

When the topic of abortion arises, I think of Kyle. When my sister was pregnant with Kyle, she had an ultrasound. It showed bilateral cysts in his brain, and some physical anomalies. My sister went through an ammnio to determine whether he had Trisomy 18, which these symptoms were indicative of.

I lived through this vicariously. It was a truly horrible, and obviously, it was inexpressibly awful for my sister. After my sister's ultrasound for the baby that she had struggled to conceive, she was told that he appeared to have this horrible chromosomal defect, and would never survive outside the womb.

I remember how devastated my sister was. My mother called me at work to tell me about the ultrasound. My mom has only called me at work twice in my life: once was to tell me that my brother was in the hospital with what the doctors thought was an infection in the lining around his heart and the second was to tell me to help my sister because she had just received the news about the bad ultrasound.

I went with my sister for her first doctor's appointment after the ultrasound. Her husband was out of town on business (that sounds bad, but it really was unavoidable), and I was the best next alternative. I remember, in the parking lot of the clinic where my sister's doctor had her offices, my sister telling me about what showed up on the ultrasound that led to the thought that it might be Trisomy 18. One of the elements of the diagnosis was that Kyle's fingers were bent at odd angles on the ultrasound.

I told my sister that that was hereditary, and showed her my little fingers, which are bizarrely skewed. My sister broke down, and dropped to her knees onto the gravel in the parking lot, clutching my little fingers and crying. She was so happy for just one bit of hope to cling to.

Kyle didn't have Trisomy 18. The ammnio resolved that, although it was two long weeks before it did. During that time period, my family faced the issue of termination. As religious as my family is, and it is religious, no one in my family would have questioned my sister's decision, had it gotten to that, to abort. That includes my mother, who is a very mainstream Catholic. Everyone would have thought that this was the only real option.

I think it is easy for people to say, "Well, in that position, I'd do this." It is a hell of a lot harder when you actually face it. My sister never considered abortion as a convenient way out. In my sister's case, it would have been merciful to terminate the pregnancy if it had been Trisomy 18. She could not have coped, the baby would have suffered, and ultimately, the baby would have died.

What perplexes me when people talk about late term abortions is how there is this assumption that the decision is easy. I can't imagine the decision to abort is ever easy, but I know, absolutely know, that it is very, very hard at every stage. I think that it must be far worse at later stages.

My sister faced the issue during the early stages. I really don't comprehend why, when we think of things, if this issue had arisen later, she would be more worthy of condemnation. It was a god awful situation at 12 weeks. If a baby is a baby from conception, why would the choice to abort at 12 weeks be less objectionable than someone facing the same situation choosing to abort at 18 weeks? Or later?

I also will say, without question, that my sister didn't consider abortion as birth control, which seems to be the basic underlying assumption for persons who chastise persons who have abortions. She wanted her baby. But if he had Trisomy 18, he would have had no life without suffering.

The last point is that idea that people who carry the child, who is doomed to die, to full term find comfort in those moments after the child's birth. I'm not going to quibble with their choices, or what they find comfort in. It is a personal decision. But I know Kyle. And knowing Kyle, if I had to choose a situation where he lived only a short period of time, where he suffered, because it brought me comfort, I'd have to reject it. I love him, and I would never ever choose an option that prolonged his suffering because it brought me comfort.

Knowing Kyle, I wouldn't deliver a moment of conscious pain to him. Ever. Ever. Ever.