I just dunno where I stand on all this. Our son has medical issues. Our insurance didn't cover the type of medical care he needed. We were behind on our mortgage payments and the bank was threatening to foreclose. We applied to our state's medicaid program to pick up the medical bills that our insurance didn't cover (excluded expenses, co-pays, deductible and our 20%) and maybe help with the meds. We were denied because my DH made too much $$ and we already had private insurance. Some good fortunate came our way and we were able take care of things ourselves. During that time we applied for SSI; I think that's what it's called. It's for disability. We were approved. Our son would get a $5XX check a month and a medicaid supplement. DH and I decided not to go through with the SSI. It felt so good to be independent and not need the gov't. Besides that, we didn't want to label our son disabled. Once a kid has that label then it's really hard ot remove it if/when things change. And our son has many Dr appts, meds 3x/day, has to have his emergency meds on him at all times, etc. Kind of like a diabetic. I tseemed wrong to let him play football and soccer on one hand and recieve disability $$ on the other, KWIM. But, my child doesn't need 24/7 physical care. He can dress, feed himself. He has a job, is in Beta, football, and maintains at least a 3.5 GPA. I realize I'm not comparing apples to apples. Maybe if the gov't would help her son for a limited time (say 9-12 months) she could make some changes that would enable her family to be more independant when the assitance ran out. I dont know what the answer is, but I do feel for the OP. I'm all about pro-life but I feel the need to keep being supportive long after it isn't a fetus anymore.
As for the Dad being able to care for the 8 y/o while she works I guess it would be doable. But what about the OP's other 2 children. Maybe the OP is giving care tot he 8 y/o and the Dad is interacting with the OP's other 2 children. I don't want to assume he comes home and vegs out in front of the TV while the OP is majorly multitasking.

Selena

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God is not Santa Claus