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Originally Posted by jenh22  I would encourage both your Ex and the kids (in as positive of a way as you can) to spend hours together instead of days. A few hours of more frequent quality time, may be better for them all than two whole weekends a month. Try to sell your Ex on picking them up at least once a week for a few hours to actively spend time with them. Whether taking them out to do something or going back to his apt. for a game night or anything where he's involved with them. Maybe you can convince him that it will be easier on him (shorter time period, less frustration, less yelling) and that it will help build his relationship with his kids. If he can keep those visits short, fun and frequent they may start to see going with dad as a positive thing. |
Very good idea. I like the idea of short visits in this situation.
I wouldn't worry about the girlfriend. YOU are their mom. Kids are very smart-they know who's in their corner and who isn't. As far as the birthday-that's between the child and the dad. If the dad's a jerk about that just let it go. If ds asks about it just say something like, it's too bad he's unable to see you on your birthday and don't make a big deal out of it. It's his son and he's responsible for the relationship, not you. I would think you would want to steer clear of any bad-mouthing, etc... Stay as neutral and positive as you can. That would be in the best interest of the kids.
DON"T let your ex push your buttons!!!
It sounds like you are definitely not over the bitterness, etc... Your last line said alot-you are likely to get upset at any little thing he does. Try very hard to just put him out of your head, what he does in his life, etc... unless it affects the kids. The sooner you let it go the better for everyone.
I learned a long time ago that in a divorce it's the other parents responsiblity to maintain and develop the relationship with the children. If he's an a&&hole the kids will figure that out for themselves. And if you stay out of it then the ex can never use any of your behavior to bad mouth the kids about you. And if he tries to he will only show his true character to the kids.
Enjoy YOUR relationship with the kids. Don't sweat his. He's responsible for his choices.
I woiuld take him to court on the child support.
I KNOW how hard it is. But it's really best to try not to bad mouth the ex. Just ignore all the crap. He's made his bed, let him lay in it! lol
Remember too the madder he makes you the more he "wins"! The more unaffected you are by it the less likely it will continue.