Marilynk,

I think you're a great mom, and, no matter what, I'm sure you feel that the divorce was the best thing for you and the kids.

I see you trying to be sure not to fall into that bitter-looking-divorced-woman role. And I give you credit, because I see so many people who refuse to even check themselves on that.

Watch out for the issue of not making your kids spend weekends w/dad. Even if it's heart-breaking for you and them, pretend it isn't, and see to it that you're respecting the visitation plan. Otherwise, if your X senses that you're manipulating them, he WILL do his best to manipulate them in response.

If your kids don't like spending the time w/him, encourage them to speak up and ask their dad to do specific things with them. It sounds like your X may never have established good enough relationships w/them before this, so now's as good a time as any to help your kids learn to advocate for their needs to their dad (in a respectful way).

You got the divorce to improve your life, as well as your kids. See to it that you're not allowing yourself to brood about some of the junky stuff being pulled on his end. And then allow yourself to really start to live the way you envisioned you would!

Regarding the girlfriend thing, I wonder what you think of actually making her an ally. Not to kill her with kindness, but just establish that you know she's going to be involved in your sons' lives, and you want to work together with her so that she understands what your preferences are, as their mom. It may be that if you initiate talking with her, you'll have her respecting the important things you want for your sons even before she's met them. Why wait until you are having to react to things that you can already see will happen down the pike, here?

For example, my neighbor and her X have some communication issues. Because of that, the X and his new wife almost always work against her wishes. For instance, my neighbor had made it clear that she wanted to take her DD (8 yrs old) out for a special mother/daughter day to get her ears pierced. Instead, the X and new wife actually took my neighbor's daughter to do it "as a surprise!"

I just figure, if at all possible, 'you get more bees w/honey...'

As everyone else has attested here, you're a strong woman and mom. You'll do fine.

__________________
"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell