Help Wanted

If this was listed would you take the job?
Help Wanted

• Hours 24 hours a day 7 days a week
• Sick days are not offered
• All holidays you are to work and make all those around you happy. You must find happiness in this.
• There will be no lunch break for you. You will sometimes just have to grab your bosses unfinished lunch and enjoy that. Occasionally, you will be able to sit down to eat your food....but please do not plan on it.
• Some cleaning skills required. You are expected to clean whenever you have free time. There are going to be times that you have to clean up things that only God knows what they are. You are to do this with a smile on your face and no complaints.
• Organization a must. You must know how to organize. Your boss will test you on
• this everyday by organizing everything that you did 5 minutes before. You may tell your boss that you don't like this but that does not mean that they are going to listen. They really aren't going to care some days.
• Bodily fluids. You must not fear any bodily fluids as some days you are going to be covered in them. You must not get angry when this happens you must answer with a "all better now?" and a smile. You are going to have to cheer about the potty. Some times your are going to smell like spit up and you are going to have to go out in public because your boss needs Gatorade. Again, no complaints. This is your job. Only you can do it.
• Boogers and snot...you must not be grossed out about these. Your boss is going to show them to you and you must not scream
• Animals
  • You must be very very sad when a tiny ugly rodent dies. You may not cheer with delight that the creature has passed on. You must be able to plan a funeral for mice, gerbils, guinea pigs, rats. This does not have to be a big event just something small.
  • Your boss is going to bring home new creatures for you from nature. You must not be afraid of these. The handfuls of Gardner snakes that your boss brings home must be welcomed. You must know how to identify the snakes that your boss comes home with so you know which are dangerous to him and which are harmless when the snake gets sick of being swung around by his tail.
  • Frogs and toads you must remember that these do not really cause warts. So touch them and teach your boss about their skin.
  • You must be as sad as your boss when their bottled up lighting bugs die because of lack of oxygen. You never tell your boss that they are the reason the innocent lightning bug died. This is a secret you must keep.

• Purell you must always keep a bottle of purell close at hand. You will never know when your boss is going to need this. Do not let your boss have dirty hands.
• You will be required to do everything for your boss
• When your boss needs a bath you will have to help or tell them that they need a bath.
• You must also tell this boss that he needs to brush his teeth. He will not know this and it will be your job. If your boss does not get his teeth brushed properly you will be held accountable when they visit the dentist and you will have to pay that bill.
• Guilt there are going to be many days that you feel this emotion. Don't worry about it all the people before you that had this job felt guilt too. Just do the best you can. You are going to mess up there is nothing you can do about it.

I am sure you are now wondering what the pay is for this job. You will not get a paycheck at the end of the week. Nor will you get one at the end of the month. Your paycheck will come when you least expect it. You will be paid in kisses, hugs, and most importantly the I LOVE YOU MOMMY. These 4 words are going to mean more than any paycheck. You will also be paid in cute little giggles and laughs. This is going to be the most important job in the world. Even though there is no money you will never want it. You will be completely happy with all the hugs, kisses, smiles, giggles, and kind things that your boss does. This job is rated #1 among women. You will truly enjoy every minute of work that you do.