Ex- husbands

Seems like everyone has one now adays. But I got the worlds dumbest ex. If they gave a award for being stupid, he would win it yrs in rows.First off, I am redneck. Totally REDNECK .Now what was I thinking when I agreed to marry someone from upstate NEWYORK??? Guess you can put it off on being young and DUMB. Anyways, Imarried a Male from New York when I was 18. I say male cause he had allthe right equipment to be male but sure wasnt a MAN. he stopped woringthe day we married. I was going to college and working at the sametime. He was " teaching martial arts" I found out that was another wordfor servicing the neighbor ladies.
I went to college early in the amand then went from school to work where I worked until 11:30 everynite. Got home around 12:30 am. This he was sooo sooo sure of that hehad the balls( thats about all he was blesses with ) to invite the ladyhe was servicing into our bed.
I happend to get off work early onenite and came home. This was something I NEVER did. So it was asurprise to all 3 of us when I got home and found them bumping ugliesin MY BED!!!!They were soo " into it" that they didnt notice when Icame waltzing into the bedroom and got all of her cloths and took themback into the living room and threw them into the woodstove thathappened to have a nice roaring fire in it. I then strolled back intothe bedroom , where they didnt appear to have missed a beat, and got mylittle gun that I had bought a few yrs earlier. I loaded it and thensaid" Hey! Guess whos home" Man that was great. The bumping stoppedabout as fast as they were bumping.!!! Then my ex said the famouswords" It aint what you think!!" yea right. Ray charles and steviewonder both could have figured that out!
she piled outa the bed ,wearing her socks. ( thats something I have yet to figure out. Why didshe have on her socks?? There was a nice roaring fire going, reallygoing since I added her cloths to it) she began looking for her clothsthat were now up in a puff of smoke. She started telling me she couldntleave naked and I basially pointed my cute little gun at her and said"well, the undertaker wont have to undress you now will he". Out thedoor she went like her a%% was on fire and her tail was catching. Nowlet me tell you about where I lived at the time. It was on a majorhighway that was the main road out of a small town with a HUGE wellknown trucking company. Those big old semi's was flying past my house24/7. I did hear a air horn blowing as I was on the phone calling herhusband to tell him to get up and let her in. He was very concerned asto why she was over there that late at nite. I told him to not worry,she would explain EVERYTHING. That is one story I would have loved tohear. " well honey, since you were sleeping so soundly, I figuredinstead of waking you up and all, i would just go jump the neighborshubby, you know, cause you have to get up early for work and all"
Nextcame the ex. He didnt think I would throw him out. ( Told you earlierin this post that he was dumb) He started with the begging andwhinning. Didnt work. So he tried to "bully" me. DUH!!!!who had thegun???? So he finally gave up and left.
I filed for divorce andfinally got it. But that idiot sent me flowers and candy for 10-12 yrsafter we were divorced, i had remarried and he was on one of his manymany wives.
Told you he was dumb at the first of this didnt I ? Now do you believe me????