Beaver! Wally! Time for dinner!
Posted 03-04-2007 at 12:15 PM by mycoupons
This topic came up on The Cafe at MyCoupons.com the other day.
Do you HIDE money from your significant other?
The answers varied from no, to heck no, to yes, to heck yes.
My answer? ABSOLUTELY! My mama didn't raise a fool. I love my husband, and he loves me. He is a wonderful man, a dedicated father, a hardworking honest man. And I imagine I will be spending the rest of my life with him.
BUT. I DO know that the proverbial hits the fan. 50% of marriages end in divorce, and the Scott Petersons and OJ Simpsons of the world do exist.
So I am prepared. For the worst. If it should ever come.
I implore you to be prepared too.
Having joint checking and savings account is fine. My husband and I do. We also have stocks, 401(k) plans, and credit cards together. My husband and I decided years ago that we each get a set amount each month for discretionary spending. He buys baseball cards, and movies. I put mine in my OWN savings account.
I have two small children and have managed to create a nice nest egg. If my husband decides next week to take off to Mexico with a girl half my age, and drain our accounts on his way out of town, I'll be financially ok. Of course, if he runs away with a girl half my age, he'll go to prison- since she would be a ninth grader.
It shocks and saddens me how many women are still living the June Cleaver lifestyle of being the little woman. Your husbands and boyfriends should not define you, they should accentuate you.
When my grandfather passed away from a sudden heart attack at age sixty-two- my grandmother had never written a check. She had never opened mail, or dealt with finances or air conditioner repairmen. Heck! She had never even driven a car! She found herself having to learn how to live all over again. While I know that with her generation, this was the standard, life is very different now.
No matter how wonderful or perfect your relationship is today, you should plan for the other shoe to drop. Hopefully, it never will. But, it could. Call me a pessimist, or a stick-in-the-mud, but the truth is, I am a realist. I KNOW what can happen, and I refuse to allow myself to become a statistic. My mother always taught me to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. How can you set yourself up so that if that other shoe comes falling down, you are ready?
1. Open your OWN bank account. Whether it is savings, or checking. Make it in your name only. If you have an open relationship with your significant other, there is no reason to hide the fact that you are doing this. Men can be insecure, and some will see it as you questioning his commitment to you. Too bad, buddy! Put as much money into this account as you can. Set yourself up for at least three months worth of living expenses.
2. Open a credit card in your name. Using YOUR social security number. And use it, every month. I make a $15-$50 purchase on mine, for something I would normally pay cash for. Then pay it off every month. This will help you build FICO points, and a credit history in your name.
3. Be INVOLVED in your family finances. If your husband pays the bills, and deals with all the finances, ask him to start involving you. You should know how much is coming in and going out of your accounts. If you have a financial advisor, or CPA, don't just sit back and giggle that "Bill takes care of that stuff." Go with him to the appointments, and be involved.
4. Insure your husband. I know it sounds very macabre, and we don't like to think about death. Let me let you in on a little secret- we are all going to die someday. Every single one of us. I am a stay at home mom, my husband's salary is our only source of income. If he were to die tomorrow (God forbid- spit it out) I would be comfortable knowing that our children and I would be taken care of. We have life insurance, and a policy that will pay our mortgage in full in the event of his death. A good rule of thumb according to financial advisors is to insure seven to ten times your husband's annual salary.
5. Have a will- and UPDATE it every time something changes. Probate court is a nasty place to be. It is a long, drawn out process that makes lawyers <ahem> rich. I have seen families torn apart over money and possessions. If your husband (or you) dies without a valid will- called dying 'intestate'- assets not held jointly will go to probate. It will be up to politicians to decide how and when any money gets paid. The same way a criminal is given the right to an attorney if he doesn't have one- you are given the right to a will if you don't have one. But, if you die intestate, someone that does not know you will decide what you WOULD have wanted.
Having a will is especially important if you have children, or are in a second, third or seventh marriage. And updating that will anytime a life change occurs is VERY important. A birth, a death, a marriage, a divorce. Just look at Anna Nicole Smith- may she rest in peace- her will left everything to her now deceased son- she didn't update her will after his death, or after the birth of her daughter. My best guess is it will be over a year before that mess is cleaned up.
All of these tips are not meant to scare you- they are meant to help you. Our ancestors fought long and hard to gain us rights. We got out of the kitchen and into the work force. We won the right to vote, and the right to be autonomous. USE IT!
There is no reason you can't still be a great, doting wife, and emulate June Cleaver. Just be June Cleaver with a savings account!
Until we meet again,
Cici
Cici@MyCoupons.com
Do you HIDE money from your significant other?
The answers varied from no, to heck no, to yes, to heck yes.
My answer? ABSOLUTELY! My mama didn't raise a fool. I love my husband, and he loves me. He is a wonderful man, a dedicated father, a hardworking honest man. And I imagine I will be spending the rest of my life with him.
BUT. I DO know that the proverbial hits the fan. 50% of marriages end in divorce, and the Scott Petersons and OJ Simpsons of the world do exist.
So I am prepared. For the worst. If it should ever come.
I implore you to be prepared too.
Having joint checking and savings account is fine. My husband and I do. We also have stocks, 401(k) plans, and credit cards together. My husband and I decided years ago that we each get a set amount each month for discretionary spending. He buys baseball cards, and movies. I put mine in my OWN savings account.
I have two small children and have managed to create a nice nest egg. If my husband decides next week to take off to Mexico with a girl half my age, and drain our accounts on his way out of town, I'll be financially ok. Of course, if he runs away with a girl half my age, he'll go to prison- since she would be a ninth grader.
It shocks and saddens me how many women are still living the June Cleaver lifestyle of being the little woman. Your husbands and boyfriends should not define you, they should accentuate you.
When my grandfather passed away from a sudden heart attack at age sixty-two- my grandmother had never written a check. She had never opened mail, or dealt with finances or air conditioner repairmen. Heck! She had never even driven a car! She found herself having to learn how to live all over again. While I know that with her generation, this was the standard, life is very different now.
No matter how wonderful or perfect your relationship is today, you should plan for the other shoe to drop. Hopefully, it never will. But, it could. Call me a pessimist, or a stick-in-the-mud, but the truth is, I am a realist. I KNOW what can happen, and I refuse to allow myself to become a statistic. My mother always taught me to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. How can you set yourself up so that if that other shoe comes falling down, you are ready?
1. Open your OWN bank account. Whether it is savings, or checking. Make it in your name only. If you have an open relationship with your significant other, there is no reason to hide the fact that you are doing this. Men can be insecure, and some will see it as you questioning his commitment to you. Too bad, buddy! Put as much money into this account as you can. Set yourself up for at least three months worth of living expenses.
2. Open a credit card in your name. Using YOUR social security number. And use it, every month. I make a $15-$50 purchase on mine, for something I would normally pay cash for. Then pay it off every month. This will help you build FICO points, and a credit history in your name.
3. Be INVOLVED in your family finances. If your husband pays the bills, and deals with all the finances, ask him to start involving you. You should know how much is coming in and going out of your accounts. If you have a financial advisor, or CPA, don't just sit back and giggle that "Bill takes care of that stuff." Go with him to the appointments, and be involved.
4. Insure your husband. I know it sounds very macabre, and we don't like to think about death. Let me let you in on a little secret- we are all going to die someday. Every single one of us. I am a stay at home mom, my husband's salary is our only source of income. If he were to die tomorrow (God forbid- spit it out) I would be comfortable knowing that our children and I would be taken care of. We have life insurance, and a policy that will pay our mortgage in full in the event of his death. A good rule of thumb according to financial advisors is to insure seven to ten times your husband's annual salary.
5. Have a will- and UPDATE it every time something changes. Probate court is a nasty place to be. It is a long, drawn out process that makes lawyers <ahem> rich. I have seen families torn apart over money and possessions. If your husband (or you) dies without a valid will- called dying 'intestate'- assets not held jointly will go to probate. It will be up to politicians to decide how and when any money gets paid. The same way a criminal is given the right to an attorney if he doesn't have one- you are given the right to a will if you don't have one. But, if you die intestate, someone that does not know you will decide what you WOULD have wanted.
Having a will is especially important if you have children, or are in a second, third or seventh marriage. And updating that will anytime a life change occurs is VERY important. A birth, a death, a marriage, a divorce. Just look at Anna Nicole Smith- may she rest in peace- her will left everything to her now deceased son- she didn't update her will after his death, or after the birth of her daughter. My best guess is it will be over a year before that mess is cleaned up.
All of these tips are not meant to scare you- they are meant to help you. Our ancestors fought long and hard to gain us rights. We got out of the kitchen and into the work force. We won the right to vote, and the right to be autonomous. USE IT!
There is no reason you can't still be a great, doting wife, and emulate June Cleaver. Just be June Cleaver with a savings account!
Until we meet again,
Cici
Cici@MyCoupons.com
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