Divorce and Daily Life

Many probably have read posts where I've mentioned I'm going through a divorce. Today I wanted to share some of my personal experiences with this journey. Let me share a few basics first. I was married for 20 years, have 2 wonderful daughters, was totally caught off guard when the soon to be ex said he wasn't happy and wanted a change, I had suspicions that it was more than unhappiness but he denied this but I found out the truth and I've been a stay at home mom for 9 years now. Divorce brings many emotions, different emotions for different days. I've experienced sadness, joy, happiness, anger, frustrations, raw nerves, bitterness and times where I simply felt lost. I think this has to be normal(please don't tell me I'm abnormal, lol). My first thoughts when the soon to be ex and I talked were the kids. I didn't want my kids to be a statistic. Will they be? In at least one way, yes. They are now children of divorce. My oldest has been very emotional and I don't know if it's just horomonal changes or if it's life's changes. My youngest seems to be experiencing the anger side of life. But one thing my kids know is the love their father and I have for them hasn't lessened. It has only grown. It's very hard to watch my kids experience hurt and yet I see this experience is making them stronger girls. I've noticed they're more independent, more mature and most importantly happier. I don't know why they're happier. Their father and I didn't argue, fuss or fight. Perhaps there was tension that they felt? Maybe even tension that we didn't know was there. Whatever the reason, others have also commented on how happy my kids act and this is surprising knowing what's going on in life right now.
Along the journey that is divorce, there's so many decisions to make. For me, being a stay at home mom, brought the reality that this would change soon. This is the hardest change for me. I'm not lazy at all. But I've loved being there for my kids around the clock. I love taking them to school and picking them up from school, helping with homework in a relaxed, unrushed atmosphere, being at school activities and having lunch with them from time to time. I hope this doesn't change but at this point can offer no guarantees. I've also thought about moving into a different home. The full responsibility of a home and huge lawn can be overwhelming. But I love where I live, my girls love this home and yard. They have their trampoline, swingset and 4 wheeler and plenty of room for these things. And our home is cozy and filled with love and yet I know we would fill any home with love. After all, it's not where you live but how you live, right? And we've had financial adjustments to make. Yes there are many changes, many adjustments to handle and a lot of emotions to keep in control of.
Divorce can be a painful process. But divorce cannot define who you are or what you'll become. Divorce is a chapter in life, not the whole book. When the idea of divorce first presents itself, it feels overwhelming, unmanagable and scary. But, staying strong, keeping the mind clear and learning to embrace life and move forward will make you a survivor of divorce. My divorce should be final in about a month and I still don't have all the answers. I still don't know what will happen. But I've learned that life will go on, life must go on. When you have children depending on you, you learn to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and remain determined. Determned to take life by the horns, be stronger than any problem at hand and willing to just be vulnerable at times.
If you're at the beginning stages of divorce, please remember that life will go on. Stay strong and remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Try to keep your children's schedule as much the same as possible. Give them extra attention, extra hugs and constant assurance that this is not their fault. They need to be kids and not shoulder the burdens that belong to adults.
To life, to the future and to happiness!!