The Year That Flew By

It's been almost 1 year since my soon to be ex and I talked about changing our lives. I really can't believe it's been that long. I feel like it was just yesterday. I can remember the day, the phone call, what I was wearing, what I was doing and how I felt after that first talk. I felt like I had been hit by a semi truck, almost sick, nervous, scared. The next couple of months didn't feel much better as we had decided to see if we still felt the same then. He did, I did so forward we went. We started down the path that would bring heartache, secrets, pain, tears, a little laughter, much strength and determination. Yes we headed down the road that is divorce. I know I've written quite a bit about divorce. Unfortunately, at this moment it's consuming my life. I'm still unsettled, still not sure what the future will bring and not sure exactly where I'll end up when this is finished. And it will be finished....soon.....in about 3 weeks I will officially be single. I've had days when that thought excited me, days where it scared the hell out of me and days where I just wanted to cry. Divorce is a journey indeed. It's a mental game, a physically demanding activity and a state of emotions on most days. I do remind myself that one day there will be closure and life will go forward. Am I reminding myself or trying to convince myself? I really don't know at this point. I'm ready for it to be over though. I'm ready to have peace of mind. I've had so many butterflies in my stomach for months now that I'm not sure what normal feels like anymore. So while this year has definitely flown by for me, I'm hoping that the sacrifice of emotions, feelings, life and time over the past year will be worth it....soon....very soon.....
For now my wish is to have time stand still for just a week or so. Let me catch up, let my mind rest, my body relax and let me remember to not wish time away. I know time will not stand still though so I must live in the moment, even the moments that aren't so fun. I must enjoy each moment of time with my kids, family and friends and I must just live. I truly feel like I lost this past year. I plan on living life more fully and not letting another year fly by without my flying with it!