I sent an email out inviting close friends to have fun with my husband and I at a local piano bar to celebrate DH's birthday.
Do I run a tab and pay for the whole nights worth of drinks? Or do I say first two/three rounds on me?
I hate to be tacky, i just dont want to be responsible for someone getting drunk because I am buying- there is some liability involved. Thank you

I think one round would be enough for you to buy for a celebration. Tell the waitress up front that you will pay for the first round. I would pay it and tip her right after they are served to get your responsbility out of the way--that way you wouldn't mistakenly get charged for later drinks

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E. Roosevelt

I agree, when the waitress comes by I would say "first round is on me and then we'd like separate tabs please" to the waitress (but loud enough for everyone to hear).

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I would make it clear up front to your friends how many rounds you are paying for. When I took my girlfriends out for my birthday I just paid for everything.

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When we invite people for a celebration out we usually cover dinner and the drinks during dinner. After everyone has ate we move to the bar area where everyone is responsible for their own drinks.

It makes it easier as there is a line that makes a clear seperation instead of everyone trying to figure out when they need to start paying.

If you're hosting the party, I think you're responsible for all the drinks. If you're concerned about liability, take everyone's keys at the beginning of the evening and have a designated driver available. But I don't think you invite people to celebrate your DH's birthday and then expect them to pay, unless that's been the practice about your group of friends all along.

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Reading is Fundamental.

I wouldn't mind saying that I was covering 1-2 rounds, then everyone else is on their own. However, it makes it a little hard to manage if it is more than 1 round. As far as paying for my own drinks when I was invited to celebrate someone's birthday, that wouldn't upset or offend me at all! I'd probably be buying your DH's drinks! It is his birthday, after all.

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Kim

Buying one or two rounds for a group of people should cover "all the drinks". If people need more, then that is their problem and their responsibility.I think the people who look at any celebration as a time to get wasted...and more than two drinks is headed there...are in the minority. Most people would be satisfied with 1 or 2 drinks as their limit.

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Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

E. Roosevelt

We always just do dutch treat when we go out to eat for someone's birthday.

That's not the issue, IMO. The issue is that when you host a party, you cover the expenses. I don't host a party at McDonald's for my kid and expect the guests to pay for their own food. I didn't bill people for their food and drink at my wedding, either.

If you're worried about people getting drunk, here's an idea -- don't host a party where booze is included. Or, as I said, have a designated driver. If the issue is money and you can't afford to buy the rounds, then have a different kind of party.

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Reading is Fundamental.

I think the difference in a kids party at McD's and an adult party is cost control. If you host a childrens party you set the menu, and if all you can afford to do is buy ten hot fudge sundaes from the dollar menu, you can do that, and the kids get what they get. I think the OP is concerned that she has absolutely no control over where the final tab could end up, and I think that's a reasonable concern.

I agree that if the norm for your circle of friends is that an unlimited amount of ordering is allowed then that might mean you need to plan a different kind of a party if you're not up for a huge financial hit, and if your group might take advantage in that way.

I know that we only seem to go out to a restaurant with friends for 'bigger' birthdays... 40ths, etc... and it's always dutch treat. It seems like the 'invitations' are just via the phone, and start out like, "Hey, some of us are going to go out to Applebees on Thursday because it's John's birthday. If you want to meet up with us, we plan to be there at around 6:00." It's not really extended as an invitation that says, "I'm hosting a party for..."

You could always make it a dessert thing rather than full supper, or just have them over to your house. That gives you control over the final tab.

That may be, but that concern I got out of her post was that she was worried about liability issues if she pays for someone's drinks and they go out and hurt someone.

I completely agree -- in fact, I think I said it -- that if the cost is too high, you plan a different kind of party.

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Reading is Fundamental.

You and I apparently have a different opinion of the role alcohol plays in a celebration....or the role of the hostess. People have pot luck parties so the hostess does not have to cover all the expenses. The menu at a child's party at MCD is preset. If a kid wants a big mac rather than the value meal you have planned, do you think the host should have to pay for it?

Very few weddings around here are open bar any more. Usually the host provides a champagne toast and a bottle or two or wine per table. If someone wants a hard drink, he is free to buy it at the venue bar.....but the expectation that the host will provide unlimited alcohol is pretty far in the past.

So the OP's expectation that she will pay for X rounds....up to three she said... is reasonable to people whose use for alcohol is reasonable.

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Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

E. Roosevelt

I'm sorry, where on earth do you get the idea that we differ on the role of ALCOHOL? I don't see where I voiced an opinion on that at all. As to the role of hostess, which is what I voiced an opinion on: yes, we differ.

I wasn't aware that this is a pot luck party. I must have missed that.

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Reading is Fundamental.

You are following this topic...right?


a) no one ever said anywhere that this was a pot luck party...kind of difficult to do that in "a local piano bar" as the OP said. I used the example of people having a potluck party to dispute your contention that the hostess is responsible for all expenses...Pot luck parties do exist.

b) we obviously differ on the role of alcohol in a celebration because of your statement in post #6 that the hostess is "responsible for all the drinks". The hostess is responsible for the number of drinks with which she feels comfortable-- expense wise or other wise.

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Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

E. Roosevelt

Better than you're following my responses, since you've decided to make huge leaps of (il)logic and mischaracterize what I said.

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Reading is Fundamental.

speaking of leaps of illogic

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Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

E. Roosevelt

This is how I feel, too. If I was invited to a birthday celebration, I wouldn't expect to have to pay for drinks (although DH and I don't drink at all so it would be a moot point for us).

Whatever you choose to do I think you need to let the people you invite know ahead of time. That way it will not be a surprise and they will be prepared.

If I invited people out to celebrate DH's birthday, I wouldn't expect them to have to pay for anything. That could get quite expensive, so I'd probably opt to have a BBQ or something at home and invite friends to join us. ~Lisa

Thank You Ladies for getting this thread back on track!!!!!!!!!!!