Well, it's been several weeks since Faith has been gone. After the first drop off, I came home and cleared the house of everything that reminded of her and just threw it in her room and had a huge fit.

We had a visit weekend before last and bio didn't tell her we were coming so she was literally shell shocked. It was horrible. After about 36 hours she finally started to come out of it. I talked to her all weekend about going back and once she asked me if she could come home again. I said yes. And she said "again and again and again???"

When we dropped her off she had started trembling then screaming and had a look of horror, literally, in her eyes as bio jerked her from me and then slammed the door in my face.

This time I come home, her things don't bother me because I am so sickened about how she is dealing.

When I call, which is not everyday because I can't handle it, she just cries or asks "what are you doing mama?" WHere are you?" It is by far the most painful experiences I have ever had and I spend hours recovering. I shake most of the time anyway, but after the calls, it's uncontrollable.

There has GOT to be something I can do for HER!!!!!

The courts have asked me to stop being her mother.............I can't.

There has got to be help....somewhere.

Imagine someone taking your3 yo, someone they are familiar with and pounding into their head "I'm your mommy" day after day. It's sick and wrong.

Thanks for listening...........

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Melissa

Strong and bitter words indicate a weak argument.

How much trouble can I get in by contacting the probate court judge directly and asking advise??? I know her casually. Please, anyone???

I'm friends with her of FB.......

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Melissa

Strong and bitter words indicate a weak argument.

Hang in there. My heart is breaking for you.
I wish I had some answers for you, but I don't. I'll keep praying for all of you for a peaceful outcome.
Judy

Your story is heartbreaking. I think I would curl up in a ball and die if I were in your shoes. God bless you and may this have a good outcome, somehow.

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Cecilia

"We must love them both--those whose opinions we share and those whose opinions we reject. For both have labored in the search for truth, and both have helped us in the finding of it."
Saint Thomas Aquinas

I don't have any advice. I just feel so bad for you and for Faith. I'm thinking of you and praying for a positive outcome.

Kim

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Kim

She's NOT your three year old, she's her's. You need to accept that this woman IS her Mommy, not you. You were just the caretaker. The judge has asked you to leave these people alone. Do so. It's better for the child for you to step aside. It's not sick for this woman to try and put HER family back together but it is sick and wrong for you to meddle and try to keep what doesn't belong to you. You were paid by the state to care for this child while her mother worked to meet the conditions set by the court to reclaim her. She's done that and your job is over.

Faith can't be expected to bond with her biological mother when you won't let her go. Stop calling her, stop shaking, stop crying. This isn't your decision to make. You are ruining your chances of ever being reunited with Faith by making her real mother hate you. Even if this woman decides to give up custody, it won't be given to you if the mother hates you and fights it.

You knew the terms when you agreed to care for Faith. I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you hoped but it's unfair of you to try and keep them from becoming a family because you miss Faith. Your only chance of ever having Faith is if the mother lets you have her so causing trouble is a mistake. You're blowing it. Let Faith go and you may get her back. Fight to take this woman's baby and you'll lose her forever.

You need counseling badly. Get some and think about having your own baby because Faith belongs to someone else. The court has TOLD you that. Listen to the judge and step aside and things may still work out for you. Don't and you may never see Faith again.

!

You are wrong. You don't have all the facts. I know you like to just be nasty...but you're barkin' up the wrong tree here. In fact, if I didn't know better I'd think you were the new mil, lol. That's not a compliment.

Have a great day.

ps...I never made a dime. I take that back, for a few months, gma and gpa paid us a small sum, but we refused that after a while.

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Melissa

Strong and bitter words indicate a weak argument.

shut up! Constructive criticism is one thing, but dammit!
None of us know what she was told when she was given Faith to begin with. And courts do really odd things sometimes. Sometimes the court's decision don't always make sense.

And to bring up "having your own baby"? Bad taste and completely hateful and nasty. You make it sound like Faith is some object that can be swapped, traded or bought at the local big-box store.

You sometimes have some pretty insightful and helpful posts. You are usually always very blunt; and while I can appreciate bluntness, you need to step off on this one and think with a little more compassion and empathy. Otherwise, you just come across as a world class b*tch.

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"God is great,
Beer is good, and people are crazy"

Opal I am sorry your post was a but nasty and honestly not really nice at all, try to have some compassion for the op tia. Peace. Catherine

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in memory of my beloved beautiful brother Sonny who is now an angel in heaven

Like I said...he/she is way off base. whatever. Thank you marilyn and catherine. egads. it was so far off base, it didn't even bother me. Now there's a fete these days!! lol

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Melissa

Strong and bitter words indicate a weak argument.

Wheras the new kinder, gentler you comes across as a hypocrite. Momrajum TOLD us what the agreement was or did you miss that part? You seem to miss a lot and attack when you have no clue what's going on. Why don't YOU shut up and read instead?

I have great empathy for those who I think deserve it. Momrajum was paid to care for a child that the court felt shouldn't be with it's mother. The mother was set certain tasks to complete to reclaim her child with the goal being that Faith be returned to her when that happened. The mother met the criteria and claimed HER baby. Momrajum grew to love Faith and wants to keep Faith and doesn't want Faith to be with her mother instead of her. Understandable to feel that way but wrong to try to interfere with Faith's adjustment to her mother.

While I can understand Momrajum's pain, I no longer feel sorry for her because she's doing everything she can to destroy the mother's chance of bonding with her daughter and now, she wants to take Faith away from the mother! The court TOLD her that she's not Faith's mother and to step aside. You can think the court was wrong but it sounds to me like Momrajum ought to listen and do just that.

You can send all the virtual hugs you want but Momrajum has SAID she KNEW Faith would one day go home. She just hoped that she wouldn't. I would feel sorry for her but it's become more clear with every post that she isn't following the court's plan for Faith and now she wants to call the judge. She thinks it's 'wrong' and 'sick' that Faith will call her real mother Mommy. She had Faith calling her Mommy instead. That was wrong because she isn't her mother and it confuses the child.

FYI, it was actually Momrajum who more or less SAID that Faith is some object that can be swapped, traded or bought at the local big-box store and that she resented Faith being treated like property. Or did you miss that 'property' post too?

And yes, Momrajum should have her own baby instead of trying to steal someone else's. If she's barren, then she can adopt. Or she can hope that the mother give Faith back to her but she's closing that window tighter every day. There was that possibility but the mother isn't going to like her now. It'll take some work to undo that damage.

I stand by what I said. If Momrajum loves Faith as much as she says, then she should go away and let Faith get used to her new home with her real mother - like the court told her to. And no, Momrajum isn't Faith's mother. When the state places a child in a temporary home and pays for it's upkeep, the foster parent is just the hired help. And the hired help shouldn't be trying to take what isn't their's.

It's better for Faith if Momrajum stop calling her and crying and shaking and get out of the way so the natural mother has a chance to get to know her daughter without the self procaimed 'Mommy' always being in the way and trying to hold on to somebody else's baby.

Um, I guess we have read different posts. My memory was that the court mandated calls to / from Faith at certain times, as well as personal visits.

Opal, while from a pragmatic position I understand what you are saying, I think you are forgetting that people - particularly babies and their adult caregivers - bond. It sounds like the bio mom really had no bond with this child, and the child did not have one with her. I assume that is why the court mandated that Momrajum still have some limited contact - because her complete disappearance in the life of Faith would be detrimental to Faith.

I was also under the impression that Momrajum was not being paid.

It's one thing to be blunt and too the point. It's another to be mean and hateful.

It's one thing to offer some advice--advice that might not be popular. But to kick someone who's already down? That's just twisted

I, too would recommend some counseling for the OP. She has experienced a huge loss and is bound to experience significant issues. I would recommend following the court's recommendation to the LETTER. If the bio-mom is worthy of being called "mom" then she will understand the OPs position and try to work something out for the benefit of the child.
I disagree that the OP should just discontinue all contact w/the child. The child is 3! She doesn't understand, and may end of feeling abandoned by the OP. And if the bio mom is worthless as a parent, then the poor kid will really have nothing or no one to turn to!

I wonder if you just like posting not so nice, or if you are clueless to the abrasiveness, or what. I'm a big girl. You don't bother me! LOL I've taken much worse on other boards---I've also dished out much worse. So, hit me w/ your best shot...whoever you are!

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"God is great,
Beer is good, and people are crazy"

You're not kidding - you have made some of the nastiest posts on this board. Portraying yourself now as a poor victim of domestic abuse doesn't excuse or change that so the holier than thou attitude isn't going to fly here.

I noticed you didn't bother with any of my points and that's because you NEVER EVEN READ the other posts! If you had, you would know that the OP was never expected to discontinue all contact with the child. She was supposed to be gradually distancing herself from the child over the past few weeks while Faith grew accustomed to her new home. Instead, she still calls her repeatedly and now wants to call the judge for advice on getting Faith back. I'm not going to copy and paste for you so just send your vitual hugs to her and help her steal that woman's daughter if that makes you feel better about yourself.

Funny, I would have thought someone with the accused child abuse history you claim to have would have more sympathy for a parent who made a mistake and is trying to set things right. Or have you cast yourself as Mother of the Year now too?

Melissa, my heart breaks for you and Faith. I see situations like this a lot at work. The poor kids are the ones stuck in the middle, because they go from a bad situation to one where they adjust and feel safe and are then tore from that to return to parents, who abused/neglected them in the first place, and yes the parents may do what they were told to so they can get their kids back BUT nothing will erase the bad memories the child may have had with them before. Also, i would say out of every 10 kids that I have seen get sent home, within a year or two the parents are back to their old ways again and 7-8 of them are removed again. A lot of people blame the system, but its not the system, we do what we are told to do by the courts and we can be against a child returning home, but if a judge says to send the child home we have to
Also, what some people may not know is that not all foster parents are paid, and they have to deal with a lot. They are the ones who are there when the kids are crying because of nightmares, they are there when the kids are sick, they are there when the child comes home from what was suppose to be a visit with their natural parent but mommy or daddy decided not to show up and not even call to cancel but to allow their child to sit and wait and wait until the waiting period is over, they are the ones who love and care for the child for weeks, months, years and make the child feel secure and safe while mommy and daddy do whatever they want, as long as they go to their treatment programs or do what they are suppose to.
Melissa, I give you a lot of credit for being a foster parent, it is one job I know I would never be able to do, I love children BUT would never be able to let them go once i bonded with them

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I just got a firm grip on reality....
Now I can strangle it

I seriously am not going to explain myself you od. You are incorrect in many of your assumptions. Like I said before, you are so way off base, it didn't even bother me.

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Melissa

Strong and bitter words indicate a weak argument.

My heart just breaks for you. I cannot imagine being in your position. And comments like...
...are totally out-of-line and hurtful.

Wish I had some words of comfort, but from what you've posted, I just don't see much hope for things changing.

Just one comment about some of the other things that have been said. IMHO I think knowing Faith could go back to Bio Mom was not the major issue here. It's the way she reacts when she has to go back to Bio Mom after a visit w/OP.
If the child went back with open arms and smiles to Bio Mom, I'm sure OP would be able to accept the circumstances and start to heal.

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Mary

Yep, I was a nasty person, and made some nasty posts. You got me there! Oh wait....I admitted that already!
I don't think I'm Mother of the Year--but like most mothers I try to do the best I can.
And let's clear one thing up: A neighbors call to 911 is not necessarily an accusation of child abuse. Keep in mind the neighbors were aware that my estranged husband was abusive and had been arrested for domestic assault. I choose to give my neighbors the benefit of the doubt and think that they were acting out of concern for me and the children.

Again, none of us were privy to what the court said initially, or any time thereafter. Nevertheless, Melissa WAS this child's parent for 3 years. It's only natural to be distraught and upset at the current situation. There really is no need to be nasty and mean. Melissa's concern is the child, because if the mother lost or voluntarily gave up custody once there had to be a reason! Any caring adult would be concerned that the bio-mother hasn't gotten her act together. And your whole "have your own child, quit trying to steal someone else's" is just hateful beyond words.

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"God is great,
Beer is good, and people are crazy"

Melissa,
My heart breaks for you. However if you are friends with the judge on FB, I do NOT think that is the best way to contact her. I think you need to back away and let them bond...

Marilyn, you are so wrong with this statement: "Melissa WAS this child's parent for 3 year" NO she was the caregiver... NOT the parent...

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Be careful what you wish for.....

I am just amazed that the courts allowed the bio-mom 3 years to straighten her act out. From the work I have did before I had to move to FL with the system, there is a Federal Law on returning children home and I believe its 18 months, that helps to prevent the problems Faith is now experiencing of utter confusion on who is safe and who is her "Mommy".

Melissa I know how heartbreaking it is been there done that, got through it with a support group and went on to give my heart and soul to a system that isn't always right and try to help make it a better system for kids and families both biological and foster in the future, hated to drop out of the project but I am better for it and the changes they made in the year I was on it are well worth it.

I know in time Melissa you will heal and you never know Faith may come back to you, there is a high rate of children re-entering foster care especially after having been in 3 years. Know this much you raised that little girl through the most important beginning years of her life and she will be a much better person because of you and no-one else. I just know when she reaches the age of 18 she will hunt you down.

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~ Christine ~
DisAbled SAHM to Stefan 9/30/1998
RIP Daddy~ 01/24/1930-06/01/2007 I miss you !
Dont Think you Can .. know you can ~ Jeff Hardy