Here goes...
Hubby, 3 kids and I. = 5

We invited his brother and GF and kids = 4

and 1 Aunt. Total of 10 people at the house.

His brother then says, "I've gotten back in touch with a cousin" Would you mind if I invite her. Nope... bring her on.

Well now she is married and has a kid. that is now 3 people

I was talking to the other cousin and he said he would like to come too... "I didn't think you would mind" Oh he will have his daughter that day too.

now at 15 total.. OK

THe next phone call..... Chris told his mom that he was coming, she would like to come too. His sister would like to come also... OH!! she has 2 kids.

In case you have lost count.... now 19!

The final call last night was ... he invited 3 more! TO MY HOUSE!!! NOt his house.

Hubby has been working really odd hours and was in bed when he called last night and gone this morning. I called him at work and asked.. Did he now know that we are 22 for dinner???????

DH is PO'd.

I try not to rock the boat.. but I am not enjoying this. How it would work is that "Jo said Not to come" and I would be the bad guy. I truly do not thing I am wrong to be bitter and stressing over this.

Josie

Wow, good luck with this one!

I have a couple cousins who are notorious for just showing up with extras - not asking me, not calling to see if it's ok, they just show up with friends. I used to try to prepare myself, but when they'd show up and say something like, "It's just 1, I didn't think you'd mind" or "Didn't so&so mention that I was bring 2 extras?" No! No one mentioned it to me! And, the table is set and I stressed over seating everyone - 1 extra IS a huge deal! They don't get it!

Lisa

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"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

Send them all over to my house. I can't be with my family this year. I understand your frustration however try to be thankful that you have all these people who love you and want to be with you. If it's that big of a problem just tell people sorry this year I can't handle the extra people.
It makes me kind of sad when people complain about their families during the holiday season. My family lives 600 miles away and it's been six years since I was able to join them this time of year.

I say handle it with humor who knows one of the "extras" might say or do something to make this a very memorable year.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

No, you're not wrong to be stressing over it. That's a really ugly situation. Once you said yes to cousin #1, you can't say no to cousin #2, etc. Just make the best of it. Send out an e-mail explaining that since you have such a large gathering you would appreciate pot-luck help (if you would). Make it fun.

We do big holidays (50 people or so), and it's pot-luck and NOT traditional at all. Some people bring the staples because they have to have turkey or sweet potatoes, but we've done Mexican, Chinese, Fondue, Italian, a clam bake, pretty much anything you can think of, we've had it. Paper plates, paper napkins, and disposable flatware make things easier, too. You don't want to spend your entire holiday in the kitchen and miss out on family time. Set up some things in the back yard for the kiddos (if the weather permits), later maybe put a kids' movie in another room to give them a little down time. We play penny-ante poker for the adults after dinner. You never know, this may be the start of something memorable.

Or, as Anna says, send them to my house, I'm not sure we'd notice the extras or even know that we're not related to them.

Renee

I'll take a few too. My family is down South, so it's always just the 4 of us. And lord knows we will have enough turkey, dh won one off a radio contest and he went to a turkey shoot this past Sunday and came home with FOUR more.

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Friends are like butt cheeks.
Crap might separate them,
But they always come back together.

That stinks! I would definitely assign each person something to bring. If you can't bring something, don't come. You shouldn't bear the burden of all these people coming...

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Hey I think I will stop by but add me, my husband, daughter and 3 cats. :-)
We will just a pie though.

Have fun!!

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I agree with asking people to bring items. I can understand the stress, though, and would be freaked at the thought of seating that many people. I'd have to ask them to bring chairs, too.

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Kim

Life is short!
Enjoy your relatives but do ask them each to bring something!

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Square dancing is friendship set to music!

A little more info...

1st cousin they haven't talked to since they were kids... almost 30 years.

2nd cousin 19 years between visits. We did meet up with them last year.

These are not the close relaives that we associate with... this is like a family reunion.
My family usually has 20-25 for holidays at my mom's.
So I am used to doing large gatherings at her house

But the fact that he has invited 12 people to come here has me upset.

Go with the flow.....make a few calls, have them bring stuff, even if it's a gallon of milk. I know how it goes.......I had my own holiday drama this year..good luck!!!

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Melissa

I would also not be happy out this. My house is small and I wound't have room for all those people. Plus they have just doubled the cost of things. I would let everyone know it is a pot luck. You do the main dish and have everyone else do sides. And don't leave it up to them, tell them what you would like and don't be skimpy. Maybe some of them will decide not to come if they have to bring something. lol

If it were my family bringing extras, they sure as heck better bring some extra bottles of wine along with food!!!

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"It's not about how much baggage you have, it's about whether or not you can carry your own baggage with grace and dignity."

Hold up a second. If I read the story right, someone you invited then proceeded to invite a bunch more people, right? If that is the case, then that is so rude. I'd be upset too.

But, there isn't too much you can do about it now. I'd be assigning specific dishes to specific people even if you haven't seen them in years. WIth that many people, you have to do what you have to do. Stand firm on the contributions, hopefully some people will balk at having to bring something and will not come.

Then get a bunch of paper plates, plastic silverware, plastic cups and paper napkins to save on clean up. Serve everything buffet style and have a trash can readily visible for the dirty plates and stuff.

Maybe it will turn out to be fun and you'll have a good time. If not, you'll have a classic "National Lampoons Christmas Vacation" story to tell. Good luck either way.

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I'd be calling the person who invited all the extras and telling him what he and his invitees were expected to bring. Lobster, crab legs, shrimp, caviar -- that type of thing. What do you want to bet that a lot of them would back out?

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If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

I agree!! It's not like this is every day.. it's Thanksgiving! Have everyone bring something (heavy duty plates, cups, sides, desserts, drinks, etc.). Call each person and tell them what to bring. That's what my nephew does each year. He has all of us over (which we enjoy), and his wife will call each of us about a week beforehand and say, 'ok, here's what you can bring this year.' Or if there's a favorite dish that person prepares, he'll ask they bring that.

Don't stress over it. Obviously these people want to be somewhere for Thanksgiving with each other. I agree with another poster who said to have them bring some chairs!!

You can get some great deals on hams and turkeys. Better start now!!

OH boyyy the holidays can make some of us go nutty.

OP I feel your pain as I am going to go through some such similiar situation :-(

Ughhh the holidays.....

glad all mine are 14+ hours away and they wont travel this far. feeding this family is enough cooking for me

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Since BIL did all the inviting and seems to enjoy 'playing' host I would suggest to him that the event be moved to his house.

I know this isn't going to solve your problem, but.....try to enjoy your family. I am 47 years old and I have no family left. Grandparents, parents, and my brother are all gone and I would give anything to be able to spend just one more day with them giving thanks for my blessings. I am lucky enough to have married into a wonderful family, that I love and I will be able to enjoy my holidays with them! I do think that the idea of having your guests all help with bringing something to your dinner is a wonderful idea. That should take some of the stress off you! Good Luck and let us all know how it goes...

At this point I would call it a family reunion, go rent a cheap banquet hall, and call everyone and tell them that since so many of the family decided to get together this year that you thought it would be a wonderful time to have a family reunion for the holidays.Hopefully they will be thoughtful enough to offer a donation.

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Honestly... I think life is too short to let this crap bother me. It is a holiday and family.. Be lucky you have family to spend it with...

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Be careful what you wish for.....

For sure!!! And some sleeping bags and pillows too.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

I guess I don't see it as that big of a deal. If you can cook for five, you can cook for twenty-five. Just decide if you want to play hostess with the mostess, or if you want it to be potluck, and make calls accordingly.

Actually, I don't think that's true at all. I can cook a ham or turkey, macaroni & cheese and candied sweet potatoes in my oven which will feed 5 people but it wouldn't feed 25. I don't know too many people who have enough stove/oven space to cook enough food for 25 people.

Even if you have people bring food, how are you supposed to heat it up when it's time to eat?

I have a very average-sized kitchen - just a range and a sink and a fridge - and serve 40 teenagers every Sunday night. The key is to fix things ahead of time so that all they require is re-heating. Heat the things that will take the least amount of time to heat last, and where possible, let things get to room temperature as close to time to eat as possible. For instance, it really doesn't hurt mac 'n cheese to be moved from the fridge to the counter to rise to room temp before putting it in, and that will speed up the re-heating process in a big way.

Hot rolls can be reheated last, as they don't need but about 5ish minutes in the oven.

If you use large disposable aluminum pans, you can re-heat two things at once. Personally, I'd do the mac 'n cheese and the sweet potatoes together, take them out and over them in foil and lay a bath towel over them, then put the turkey in on the top rack for about 20ish minutes, and for the last five stick in the pan of hot rolls on the bottom rack.

I happen to have one of these - exactly like this - that my mom picked up at a garate sale for $.50. It works great if I have one too many items to keep as hot as I want to keep things.

Another great appliance is the crock-pot. Mine is one of the 6-qt oval ones. You could easily make/bake mac 'n cheese and/or sweet potatoes in it, bake it to get the top browned, and then keep it hot in the actual crockpot warmer.

My husband's family (siblings and their kids and their grandkids) has over 100 members, and I just had to learn how to make it happen. I've had as many as 60 in my home for meals before. Crazy times, of course, but they all greatly appreciate someone taking the time to create an opportunity for them to be together!

I've also fed up to 40 people. I have a lot of things like deviled eggs, cold salads, fruits, veggies, cheeses, olive and relish trays, some warm sides and two big hot dishes like ham, turkey, lasagna, enchiladas, roast, etc. And plenty of desserts.

Like wowoitsdark said if you plan ahead and do a lot of the work ahead it's not that hard.

That being said I agree that in OP's situation I would definitely make sure to let everyone know what to bring ahead of time and make it clear that it's expected. The wine and chairs are not a bad idea either.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

Exactly. When you get right down to it, there aren't all that many dishes that have to be heated. It's just a matter of thinking things through and doing the work ahead so you can relax and enjoy the day.

I see that I'm in the minority (of course), but I can totally see why the OP is upset. The bottom line is that she doesn't want to have to entertain that many people at her house...whether it's because she can't accomodate that many, doesn't like to cook for that many, or just plain doesn't like them...it doesn't matter. I have to agree with her that it's just plain rude for people that she hardly knows (she's said that they are family, but she isn't close to them) to invite themselves over...even if their intentions were good. I do agree that it is nice to have family and we need to appreciate and enjoy them, but if she had wanted to have had a family reunion, she would have had one. This is Thanksgiving and she wants to enjoy the day with her immediate family. I think if it bothers her so much that she just needs to speak up...tell the truth even if she looks like the bad guy. The other alternative is to just roll with it and decide to be happy, not stress, and enjoy the day. ~Lisa

don't forget to have someone to bring ice in an ice chest and possibly some soda. got to get that wine cold and you are going to need ice to keep the left overs cold too before they go home. you probably won't have room in your fridge for everything.

and definitely assign people dishes to bring. "dishes to serve say 12 or a number you choose". including dishes for the kids. they eat too. their parents can bring them. if you just request a veggie dish, have them get back to you a couple of days before with just what they are planning on bringing so that you can possibly avoid duplicates. you can even assign the paper goods (allow for second plates and dessert plates).

you could probably use a card table or two along with the chairs. it is better to eat at tables than eating while seating on your good sofa and living room chairs. make plans for where the kids are to eat considering their ages. you don't know their eating habits or how messy they are.

if you get any flack from your bil, just suggest that the dinner be moved to his house. most of the guests seem to be his doing.

try to get a final count of who is definitely coming. and definitely insist that your dh pitch in and help. good luck and try to enjoy.

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Maybe her house isnt big enough to hold 22 people and not feel like your at the mall at Christmas or trying to breathe in a store on BF

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If you like everyone, and you all get along, I say go for it. Be glad you are in that situation. Surely everyone can handle a little "tightness" for a few hours. Don't stress....it's all in how you look at it. Tell yourself it will be fine, and you will keep a positive attitude, and that is how it will go.

Happy Holidays!!!

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

Oh, boy. I'd try to handle the guests graciously, and resist beating my BIL with a frozen turkey. A lot of guests can work out, mostly when you wanted that, and planned for it, but inviting them to someone else's occasion is beyond rude.

I'm sure this reply will piss a few people off, but what else is new here ?.
Ok let me get this right. The plan was for 10 people. But you agreed to allow the 1st cousin to join gracefully as your words was "Nope bring her on". So the plan was for 13 now. Anyone after this YOU or YOUR husband should have stepped up to the plate and said NO. I'm a funny person I guess, because if I allowed the count to go from 13 to 22 the ONLY person I would be pissed with would be myself..Your brother in law told you that he Ok'ed all these people to join( He had no right to do this with out asking you or your husband 1st )(But) so you knew they had been invited ( it's not like they just showed up ). Well your BIL can uninvite them just the same Or you call and uninvite them. As I see it it's not going to be any ruder to uninvite them than its going to be to resent the fact they are there come T-Day.Or, You can just be a good host and let this be a wonderful holiday. call each one and request they bring a favorite dish. Next year make sure your brother in law knows NOT to invite any extra guest. I'm sure that in the mist of all this it will not be so bad for you. Having Family around can be stressful at times, but given this is just once a year if that I'm sure you'll find yourself saying this isn't so bad after all. If it turns out this was just way too much for you to handle, then make sure your BIL knows ahead of time not to invite anyone no matter how long its been since the 2 of them have seen each other. I have a feeling you are going to enjoy the day with everyone sitting around talking about years gone by. heck you might even learn a few things form your DH's childhood you never knew.

I love this post. I have a mental image of a cartoon character getting beaten up by a frozen turkey.

Just reading this.....well, what did you end up doing with your expanded guest list? How'd it go? Inquiring minds would love to know!

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

Yeah, what happened???

Well.. New rule. He is not allowed to invite anyone without asking hubby first.

It went okay.. He didn't even have the date correct so all the extra food for 5 of them went home in doggy bags. I made him change the time. I had said dinner he told everyone Noon!! I made him call them all back and tell them 2 and no earlier. The Sunday before Tday is what I said and he told them all The Sunday after. Since he called Saturday Night to change the time (and apparently the date)... there were no extra dishes brought.

The people that came were nice. Don't know if we will ever see each other again