The Philosophy of Ambiguity
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:

1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.


2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.


3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.


4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?


5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.


6.. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.


7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?


8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?


9.. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?


10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?


11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?


13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?


14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?


15. WHY DO THEY LOCK PETROL STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?


16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?


17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?


18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?


19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?


20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?


21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?


22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.


23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?


24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?


25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?


26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?


27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?


28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?


29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?


30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?


31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?


32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?


33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?


34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

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~*~Live life to the fullest*~*

Thanks for starting my day off with a laugh. Some I have seen before some not. They are always fun to read.

Some more

If you throw a cat out the window does it become kitty litter?

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

How did a fool and his money get together?

What's another word for thesaurus?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

How do know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

When you choke a smurf what color does it turn?

One tequila,two tequila,three tequila, floor.

Don't sweet the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If the #2 pencil isso popular, why is it still #2?

I repeated some but I liked them.

Cute!
Thanks!