Lately, I have come across several women who have had children out of wedlock, and are not involved with the baby's father. In some cases, there are many children, from differing fathers. I see the struggles of the mothers and the suffering for their children, and their families. I can't for the life of me understand why someone would want to do this???

I know not everyone WANTS to raise a child on their own, but, the women I am referring to are not even raising their own children. They seem to be dropping them with the grandparents, to raise. What has happened??? Has this been going on all along, and I am just now seeing it or what???

I think I just needed to vent, it's been one of those weeks. As the Christmas holiday gets closer, the craziness seems to worsen.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

who knows, who cares ?

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Live, Love, Laugh

I will offer up that #1, because they can, and #2, because they are stupid.

Further, society has made it ok and even cool to have kids so you can say you are a "single mom" and get so many things handed to you. It's part of the dumbing down of America which is in full swing in different aspects.

dl

I think (and this is just my amateur psychologist or psycho opinion) that some of them have babies to try to fill the empty hole they have inside. Others I think do it to try to keep a man. Still others I think are just ignorant and don't think about the consequences of their actions. Then there is the small percentage who get married or are in a relationship they truly believe will last and they do this over a few (or many times).
My Mom thinks people do it for a bigger welfare check (those that receive assistance). However I don't believe that's true. Here in Oregon you get maybe $40 or $50 a month extra. That certainly doesn't it make profitable to have another child.
Again these are just my opinions. They are based on years of observation and analyzing.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

I think the society change is the most significant. We now have "recreational" sex so there are bound to be many "mistakes". Plus no one feels any shame for anything anymore and there is such an entitlement attitude that lots of people feel like they don't need to be responsible-the govt should help them, etc...

I think having a baby - is fun, exciting, an attempt to hold on to a man , babies are fun and loving, they get a lot of attention- baby showers -- then they grow into a child -- they dump that one with a grandparent -- and the cycle repeats

I think it's pretty simple, really.

We've removed stigmas, shame, accountability, and consequences from our society as an attempt to ''protect" people from feeling bad, being hungry, etc. It's common practice to gravitate towards the lowest behavioral denominator when it seems that all the reasons *not* to have been removed.

When there is no fear of embarrassment or reprimand, why not do what you think will get you what you want?

That's what the 60's gave us. Free love. No consequence.

We all should care - it is dragging down our society The US can only provide so much for those that refuse to stand on their own and those families that live this way are not producing children that will go to college and become self supporting of our society

Some do it because they are selfish-they WANT a baby and they WILL have a baby, not matter what.

But then once the "fun" part is over-no more showers, no more congratulations, no more "can I hold the baby" requests, etc-and the day to day drudgery of caring for a baby sets in-the middle of the night feedings, the endless laundry, the hours of crying if the baby has colic, etc-the baby gets dumped on the grandparents or whomever because it is no longer fun.

A baby isn't a pet, a doll or even a fashion accessory. It's a tiny human being that requires 24/7/365 care for YEARS before it can even begin to care for itself. Yes, babies bring love and joy but they also bring lots and lots of work.

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Jesus SAVES by shopping smartly and using double coupons!

At 19 I was a single mom, I can tell you why I chose to do it. I was in an abuseive relationship which lead me to getting pregnant. Yes I could have had an abortion or put my son up for adoption BUT they weren't options for me. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I did what I had to do and raised him on my own until I married my now ex-husband. I worked two jobs to support the two of us, and never once turned for public assistance. I knew he was my responsibility and no one else's.

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~~~~**Maryann**~~~~

I just got a firm grip on reality....
Now I can strangle it

This happens around my neck of the welfare woods. Babies (may as well say that....these girls are WAY too young) are having babies to get the family more $$. Very sad, but unfortunately that's the way things are in this city.

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Friends are like butt cheeks.
Crap might separate them,
But they always come back together.

Even as mad and disgusted as I am with ex-H....I still want him to be a father to his children. Now, whether he will or not, remains to be seen.
I never wanted to be a single mom. I thought I would share my life w/ ex-H forever.

I think a lot of really young women have babies to fill a void in their own life. They think that a baby will always love them, be there for them--and those girls think "I'll never treat my child like my mother treated me..." Little do they realize the enormous amount of work and effort required to raise and care for a child. and when they do realize it, they start pawning the children off on friends, relatives, public school/daycare. It's a vicious circle that goes 'round and 'round.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Oh, really? I did not marry my childrens fathers and two went to college and one is on the way. I did not and do not want to be married , but I wanted children and I cared for mine in all the ways I should have. They turned out great!

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"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream."

John Lennon

This issue is very close to me due to what we've recently been through with Faith...

A single mom who supports and cares for her children is the exception to the rule, don't you think? Twenty years ago, our local paper did not list the children born to single moms. Now there are more born to single moms than to married couples. It never ceases to surprise me. The term 'baby daddy" makes me sick. These babies are humans. And will, Lord willing, grow to adults. They are not pawns in the game of life. The term minimalizes the importance of bringing a life into this world. It just makes me sad.

I know that Faith's mommy loves the attention the girls have always brought her, when she had them that is. They are adorable, people always comment and she just puffs right up.

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Melissa

I agree with you that the single moms who support and care for their children are the exception. KUDOS to them!!

When I posted this, I was referring to a few women I know (not what I would could friends, just women I know thru their children really) who all fall into the "got pregnant, never married the father, carted the kids from place to place" category. Yesterday just seemed to be the straw for me when I heard of one these women's children FINALLY being taken from her. Those kids had gone from house to house to street, literally. It is so sad, especially this time of the year.

It is so frustrating to me to see these types of people. It's not a judement thing, but more of a confusion sort of thing. While I can understand and see all of the reasons stated, it still breaks my heart to see what happens to the children when biological parents make poor choices.

Thanks everyone for sharing.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

The important question, however, is: were the fathers of your children involved in their lives?

1 yes, one no. The no child is getting ready to graduate from college.

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"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream."

John Lennon

Regardless of whether you are married or not, having good role models and people who care is the most important thing. I don't believe that that person is always the biological parent.

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Kim

It is a truly sad world we live in at times. There are so many children that are born to unwed moms which is truly not a bad thing if a unwed mom was reliable financially and emotionally to care for her baby no problem. Some people yearn for the whole package and just continue to sleep around with every Tom, Dick and Harry and make baby after baby and then you know who ends up taking care of them we do not fair. Personally speaking I know someone who is one of 5 children , they all have different fathers all the children are grown and now this mom who never married any of her childrens fathers is on about living with the 8th man in life. As far this goes its totally disfunctional on all levels, I shake my head too especially at the rise of teenage pregnancy so so sad, while there are couples who earn for just one child. Peace. Catherine

Have you folks done a study to determine why people have children outside of marriage? Seems like a lot of jumping to conclusions going on without much evidence to support your assumptions.

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If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

yep...........

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"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream."

John Lennon

My opinion are based on years of observation and knowing and talking to people. I am nosy and I ask questions.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

That's just anecdotal evidence.

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If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

Published in what journal? It doesn't count if it looks like this:
Journal of My Opinions

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If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

huh? I was agreeing with you....lol

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"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream."

John Lennon

Oh, LOL.

I thought you were just being a wise-guy and saying, "Yup, I've done a study." So I was being a wise-guy too.

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If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

silly girl!

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"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream."

John Lennon

I don't understand this rise in teenage pregnancy either. It makes me sad for the future of our country. That said, I don't see it all that much in my area....where I do notice it is in the acquaintances that I have made in the military via the care package work. Many of those young men and women are cranking out babies and there are tons of unwed teenage moms in the children and children's friends of some of the older guys I know. I have wondered if it is a side effect of the long and repeated deployments....

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

That's one of the hardest situations when kids have different fathers

How do you explain to one child (especially when they're young) that his sibling has a dad in his life who loves him but he doesn't?

It is only hard if you make it hard. Don't assume anything here.

Well, they are grown now and it has never been an issue. My oldest girl is 22 now and I have always been honest with her about her Dad. We are super close and she trusts that I always have her best interest at heart. She has grown up to be a remarkable lady. When you give your children what they need to grow up, they do it very nicely.

My sister and I have different fathers. even though my Mom married both of them. Mine died when I was a baby, it has never been a real issue in my life, though.

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"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream."

John Lennon

The 60's gave us 'Free Love'. The liberals gave us no consequence.

....... and the working people pay..............and pay.......and pay............

dl

Maybe for you, but not for me. I have my own moral compass.

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If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

Good for you. But unfortunately, across the spectrum of society this does not seem to be true where sex and procreation are concerned.

Or, they have a different viewpoint from you.

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If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

Yes, and they are wrong.

I know you probably meant this is all seriousness---but I laughed out loud. You said what most people think on topics like this.

Regardless of whether I agree w/ your viewpoint, I do appreciate your forthrightness!

I'm not taking sides in this one. I think they are too many variables to consider to have a hard and fast rule about single moms!

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

What I meant by it is that by and large, too many women are far too cavalier when it comes to the very serious business of whom they will bed and the consequences of that action.

It's not just about recreation. I realize people might disagree with the religious origins of my position, but the bottom line is that sex makes babies, and way too many young girls don't think that through when they decide to engage in grown-up behavior in the back seat of a car.

LOL here too.

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If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

<shrugs>

Sometimes ya gotta tell it like it is!

LOL and I mean that literally!

Being married had nothing to do with the childrens father being in their lives.... I was with my childrens father for 16 years!! And when we divorced, he divorced his kids too...

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Be careful what you wish for.....

I think that teeneagers especially, think they are invincible and that it won't happen to them. It's not that they don't realize the consequences, they just minimize them and think that it happens to someone else.

Lisa

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"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

And while it's sad that a grown man can't do the right thing and be there for the children---in the long run, you're children were probably better off without him.

A little part of me is hoping that my ex will move on--and get out of mine and the kids' life. As my youngest said I'm a good-looking woman, I can find another man!

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"