Last year on Christmas eve, my step daughter, 21, and her boyfriend, 22, were unable to make it to the place we were celebrating. I gave her mom an envelope for them with 300.00 worth of gift cards in it (Resteraunt, gas stations, grocery stores) along with two hoodies that I got them at Hot Topic...She and her boyfriend had just moved in together and I figured they would help. My husband and I never ever recieved a word of thanks from her. Not a card, call, e mail, text.. Nothing... Well last night I came home with some things that I bought her and her boyfriend. My husband called her to see if she was going to be with the rest of our family christmas eve or not. She said she was not going to make it. He said, "OK well we will just give your mom the gifts for you guys.. However this year a little acknowledgment would be nice..." and she said, "What do you mean??' And he proceeded to tell her how my feelings were hurt last year because she never called to thank either of us.
Then she said... "I have no idea what you are talking about.. Mom never gave me anything from you guys..." He was SPEECHLESS....

How wouldyou handle this?? Would you say something to the mother or would you let it go? Would you trust her this year with the gifts??

TIA

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I would not say anything to the Mom....I think the daughter will say something.

And I would just mail this year's stuff directly to the daughter.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I would approach the mother in a non accusatory way..perhaps she misplaced things. It could be an honest mistake. Has your dd been known to not thank you for gifts ?

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Not getting a thank you from her was out of character for her. She is usually very grateful. I just attributed it to school, moving in with boyfriend, changes in life, etc...

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Be careful what you wish for.....

Pretty low of mother to basically steal from her daughter. Is it in character for the mom to pull something like this, or could it have been an issue where she lost them and forgot? I wouldn't say anything to the mother as she will get very defensive with you. Let the daughter mention it, and see what kind of reply she gets.

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

I would ask the mother and also tell her that the daughter knows that something is coming from you. The mother can still bring the gifts if it is easier for you. The fact she knows that the daughter knows should help her remember to get the gifts to her.

I would let the daughter bring it up to mom, and also, this year, mail the gift cards to the daughter directly. Or if they have a paypal account, how about sending them some money that way? Paypal is easy, free, and secure.

Not knowing what kind of relationship you have with your DH's Ex, I would say let him say something to her. Kind of like when dealing with in-laws. I would be sure he addresses it tho. Perhaps there is an opportunity for your DH, his Ex, and his DD to be in the same room/phone conversation together, so all "involved parties" are there, and all scenarios of the story come out at once. Hopefully, his DD just "forgot" about the gifts?? Hate to think that his Ex kept them, or something else.

Personally, I would have followed up with DD in a weeks time, or so, to be sure she got the gifts.

I would not give them to the Mom to give to her, or anyone else, for that matter. I would hold them there at your house until DD and her BF are able to come pick them up. If they don't live within driving distance, then I would mail them to her.

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mail or give gifts directly. I wouldn't say anything about last years gifts. I too think your dd will mention it now that she knows

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I would give the Mother an out but I would say something. I would not accuse her I would say something like "I know the holidays are a busy time I think you may have forgotten to give Jane and John the envelope I gave you to give them last year as they never received it. Can we look for it perhaps you misplaced it."
Well you'll be able to tell right away by her response whether she kept it or not. And I would NEVER trust her with anything again.

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I would mail the gifts to her this year.
Also, I agree with other posters, not to mention it since I am sure the daughter will.

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OK, odd man out here, I guess. I would definitely ask the Mom if she somehow forgot to give the gifts last year and let her know that you had followed up with the daughter....or have your husband do it. It's really a situation between you/DH and the mom.....not the daughter.

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I completely agree.

I would be all over that mother like white on rice if I spent in the excess of $300.
Leave the daughter out of it at this point. Your husband should call his ex and find out what the deal is. It is his ex-wife and mother of his kid, so he should make the call....

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I'm the kind of woman when my feet hit the floor in each morning, the devil says "Oh crap, she's up."

I agree. I don't agree with those who say maybe the mother 'misplaced' the gifts? How in heck do you misplace two hoodies? And the gift cards --- OP, do you have the receipt for them? I know it's been a year but I always keep my receipt for gift cards. Maybe you could check to see if the balance has been used. I'd definitely be following up with this mom to see what happened to the gifts. I guess I wouldn't have waited till the next Christmas to question it but that's in the past now. DO NOT send gifts by this mom again. Mail them.

Thanks so much for the ideas on the gift card balances... I NEVER thought of that!!! Her gift went out this morning overnight WITH delivery confirmation....

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Be careful what you wish for.....