I posted that there was no need for my 10 year old to have a cell phone as he is never left without an adult with him. I do not allow him to go to a friends house unless there is a parent there. I will not leave him at practice without another adult being resposible for him. He is not going to a movie by himself, nor going to a store on his own....

Do you allow your kids to go to houses without parents home? Where does your child go without an adult to watch them?

At 10 I cannot imagine anywhere he would need to be without an adult.

I know things were different 30 years ago.. my brother and I were home at age 8 and 11 by ourselves for 2 hours til Mom got home. Just cant imagine that now.
It truly was a different time...................

Can you further explain that thought? How is it different?

My oldest ds is almost 13 and we've just recently started letting him stay home alone for short periods of time. I'm sure we could have about a year earlier but there was never any need to.

My kids (9 & almost 13) hang out with kids in the neighborhood and the bounce from house to house. If the parents aren't home they can play in their yard, but not in the house.

I let them play in the fields around us, at the creek or the park. My 9 yr old is only allowed to walk down our street by himself, anywhere else he has to have someone with him. It doesn't have to be an adult, but he can't be alone. Some places I only let my oldest go if he has a buddy with him.

In my case the crime rate has dropped quite a bit since I was a kid (late 80's early 90's)

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Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.

6th grade.

my son is 10 and in 5th grade. I also have a 8 year old DD. I will leave the kids alone for about 1 hour if I am down the street chatting with neighbors or if I need to run to my mom's (a few blocks away). We figure that by next fall, he'll be 11 and we can leave them a couple hours at a time. I started babysitting at 11 and many of the girls in the neighborhood do as well. I prefer the buddy system so I don't really allow either of them to be alone going places. We are usually with them. Then again, neither has asked to not have us with them. We don't have cell phones for the kids and don't plan on it for a couple of years at least for the oldest. No need. If they are home alone, we have a landline

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I think it is a purely personal decision. It depends on the kids, circumstances, area you live or a host of other variables.

My kids were about 10 and 8 too. But like sexy, it was for short times and I wasn't far. We live in a very rural area and have never had a problem, but you just never know.

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Melissa

Yeah, if we lived in a big city or high crime area...it would be different. If my kid(s) weren't trustworthy...that would change things. We try to give them a little rope at a time to see how they react. If they hang themselves with it (ie: do something they shouldn't), we know they aren't ready yet

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I have a friend who used a fishing analogy. Better to let the line out a bit at a time so that you don't have to jerk the hook into their sweet little mouths...lol

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Melissa

My son is only 8 (will be 9 soon) but I think it depends on what your neighborhood is like and how mature your child is. Everyone parents different. Some leave their child at home young and some aren't allowed to be alone until teens, it just depends. I've seen K-1st graders walking to school by themselves. For me, that's crazy but then again, that's a different story! My son has been at family or friends with an older sibling (13-14) watching him. For me, that is okay. They have gone through CPR training and first aid. I wouldn't allow him to stay by himself or go anywhere by himself.

My son started staying by himself last year at age 12 but only if I was running short errands. He just turned 13 in Oct and my daughter was 9 on the 23rd. I will NOT leave them alone together because he isn't mature enough to be alone with her. He is ALWAYS picking on her and I could just see them fighting the whole time I was gone. If she really doesn't want to go with me some place I leave her with Grandma or pa since they are around the block. I would have never left my son when he was 10. I just wasn't ready for that.

11+ and when you feel they can take on the responsabilty of being alone. Know how to call 911 only for emergencies. dont let people in the house. dont tell people on the phone adults arnt there. ect

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Books just wanna be FREE! See what I mean at:
http://bookcrossing.com

My other favorites
www.paperbackswap.com
www.wheresgeorge.com
www.geocaching.com

Some of my thoughts.........as the oldest of many, I can't remember a specific age I was left home with them, it seems like there was no time line. Of course, that's when your doors were left unlocked, kids actually rode their bikes or walked to school, parents didn't line up burning gas to drive them even when a bus was available.

When riding bikes, we didn't need a helmet, even if just in the driveway. We knew when to come home and knew we'd better be home at that time (even though no cell phones then, we wouldn't have needed them). Our parents knew where we were and we knew where our parents were.

When we were out of line, we were spanked and no one nosed in to cry alleged abuse and call the authorities. No one saw anything wrong with kids being in the home by themselves whereas today everyone thinks they know what everyone else "should" be doing.

We had chores (that we didn't get paid bribes to do) or jobs when age appropriate. So we didn't have a lot of time to sit in front of video games, tv, or be online, or get into trouble.

Yes, a different time. Now the kids are over protected and get anything and everything they want. It's telling on our society the way things have changed.

dl

So why didn't you raise your kids the same way you were raised?

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If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

Like you would know. That is a totally unbalanced, uncalled for statement, but certainly not unexpected.

dl

I think it also depends on the area you live in and the maturity of your kids. When my girls were in the 3rd grade the Red Cross offered a class after school on staying home alone. Both my kids took it and in 3rd grade we started leaving them for short amounts of time.

They both took the local Babysitting Certification class and started babysitting at age 12 (we were usually home in case there were any problems).

My oldest stayed overnight alone the 1st time at age 14. We were going out of town for a soccer tournemant 3 hours away for youngest and she absolutely did not want to go. We were 3 hours away. I researched and could not find any law stating an age, everything I found stated maturity. She's stayed overnight by herself 3 times now (she'll be 16 in March).

My girls are very mature, very trustworthy and very independent. We live in a safe neighborhood and one set of grandparents is 20 minutes away and they other set is 40 minutes away.

Lisa

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"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

Huh? Like I would know what? It's a question, not a statement. What's uncalled for about it? You rant about how everyone is raising their kids wrong and then get whacked when I ask a simple question? Talk about unbalanced!

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If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

My son is now 26. When he was young I was a working, school attending single Mom so he became independent at an early age. I left him alone for short periods of time when he was ten and left him alone for extended periods of time when he was 12. By then he was delivering newspapers.

I think it depends more on the individual child than the age. Some children have common sense, are independent, and make good decisions. Others are not and don't make good choices.
My son was always a good responsible boy/young man. He knew how to defend himself which houses in the neighborhood were definitely safe. He knew not to answer the door and he didn't. When people called he said I was in the shower. If they called back he said I was in my bedroom with the door closed working and could not be disturbed.
I think people are doing their children a disservice by overprotecting them. A person has to learn how to make choices/decisions and by allowing your child to make mistakes and by putting them in controlled sitautions but allowing them some leeway is something that will serve them well in the future.
My son counted the last two years by months until he was old enough to deliver newspapers. I went with him the first month after that he did it himself. That being said it was 14 yrs ago and I am not sure I would allow a 12 yr old to deliver papers in the same area today. The crime rate has increased dramatically and the lack of prosecution and incarceration of criminals has brought an influx of undesirable people into the community.
However I would still allow him to stay alone at home in the circumstances I live in now.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

I think you're absolutely correct - it's very telling about our society. I've been preparing to go to a third world country to do some relief work, and I am amazed at the things we're told to expect to see.... the age at which children go to work, the age at which one child is apt to be left in charge of siblings while mom (there is usually no dad to be found) leaves for 12 hours to try to find work, etc.

To the OP... I understand what you are saying about your child not 'needing' to be alone... but I think you are looking at his circumstances and not thinking there is a 'reason' to leave him alone equates to him not *needing* to be left alone. I think he might be *good* for his development to have to put his brain into "I'm responsible for me" gear if only for ten or fifteen minutes at a time right now.... and even if you aren't really even gone. There is a feeling of competence that comes with knowing you know how to 'be alone' and that you are trusted to handle things.

People here on this board whine about the Duggar children having an *unfair* life because in the comfort of that gorgeous home - that climate-controlled home where there is always food on the table (that <gasp> they had to help prepare!), where there are always clothes to wear (that <gasp> are sometimes not as modern as ours), where they <gasp> don't seem to have much 'alone time' with their mommy and daddy... well... they have to be RESPONSIBLE for younger siblings. What a HORRIBLE thing! ;-) Responsibility? How dare those parents place any on their children... their children who 'deserve' to get to be 'children'.

I'd wager one of them could be left alone at a much younger age than most kids and be very capable of doing what needed done in the absence of an adult.

The definition of what it means to 'be a child' has changed dramatically, and the result is that many children are overprotected, incompetent, never-challenged-except-maybe-academically kids who end up living in their parents basements until age 29 because they were never forced to be independent because their *parents* were afraid of a risk that was actually very minute.


I'm not advocating that everyone become Duggars. I'm just saying that anyone whose child isn't capable has a child that *is* what they taught them to be.

Many don't give their children *responsibilities* at an early age. Getting yourself to school *is* a responsibility. Getting yourself home from a friend's house on time *is* a responsibility, cell phone or not.

ded, of the things you listed that are different than when 'we' were kids, the only thing on the list that's different for my kids is the helmet thing... and that is just because one of mine suffered a brain injury after a bike accident. Mine have walked to school, biked to school, and I know where they are and they know where we are.

I think this video clip is the perfect example of how many in our society think these days. Without "training" you can't even pick your nose these days. People don't teach our kids to just use their brains and get a job done. Resourcefulness has gone the way of the rotary dial phone.

I can't do anything - I'm not an expert!

Hilarious video wowitsdark! It reminds me of many people.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

Yep! Me, too! The first time I saw it I laughed and laughed.

We ARE a nation that thinks we need training for everything to be able to do ANYTHING. There's something to be said for simply being confident and jumping right into what you need to do!

I totally agree, wowitsdark. I am trying to change my behavior with my own child as I have realized that giving him a "better" upbringing than I had is not really going to do him any favors. He's a great kid, but he acts like I just asked him to run 5 miles in the snow if I ask him to help load the dishes in the dishwasher after I've made dinner - by myself! We had many more responsibilities as children and I don't think it hurt many of us. My stepson is 20, doesn't have a job, is not going to school, and is living with his grandparents. He won't even take out the trash to help. WTH!!! I, personally, have unwittingly done my child a disservice and am trying to correct that behavior. It's much more difficult than I would have imagined. Hopefully, at 11, it is not too late.

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Kim

I completely get this! We've been guilty of a LOT of the same things. The lightbulb momemt for me was a conversation I semi-recently had with a sister-in-law about their son. He's a good kid. Honest. Makes good grades. Friendly. Funny. Has stayed away from alcohol/drugs/sex, etc. He's 20.

But.... I realized he's not especially self-sufficient. People from "The Greatest Generation" had bigger fish to fry than cell phone plans - and trying to figure out how to stay on their parent's plans so they wouldn't have to foot the whole bill! They'd have been ashamed to still 'need' Mommy and Daddy's plan - lol.

We haven't coddled our kids when it comes to the confidence to be alone or to take off walking to school... but I'm not sure if they'd know how to cook a can of chicken noodle soup, and that's the sort of thing we need to be working on at our house.

My kids at 8 and 11 know how to do more things for themselves than most kids their age (at least the kids their age that I know). Both can cook a simple meal and my 10 year old can cook a good meal They can clean a bathroom, do laundry and know how to find the best deal at the grocery store. I met a man (30's) at the grocery store who stopped to listen when I was showing my kids how to find out which cereal was the best deal. He told me thanks for the lesson LOL My kids aren't perfect by a long shot (nor do we want them to be) but we try to work on making them self sufficient human beings. I think a lot of parents just work on making their kids look perfect (at least the ones I know personally).

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Don't bother....she is miserable and just likes to complain. btw....it's not that we did not "need" helmets back when....we were just not smart enough to know it.

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"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream."

John Lennon

Oh, I don't know about the 'need' thing....

It's a safety improvement.

I would wager that if we made a law that all bicycles had to have four wheels (I guess making them quadricycles - lol) there would be fewer bike accidents. Or quike accidents - whatever they'd be!

Had my daughter been on a four-wheeled contraption she would not have suffered a brain injury because she would not have tipped over and hit her head on concrete.

Do we 'need' helmets? Do we 'need' four wheels instead?

Everything carries a risk. The question is just how risky you wanna live your life. I know hundreds of people, all of whom were once kids, and only one that has had a brain injury that could have been prevented by a helmet... so I don't know that they all NEED helmets.

I wonder, just out of curiosity, if we would also be safer riding in cars if we were wearing helmets. Would the head injuries sustained when someone hits their head on the dashboard or windshield be less likely to occur if people rode around with helmets on?

And if so... why aren't we advocating a change in the laws to our congressmen?

Don't get me wrong - I'm a big believer in the helmet given our experience. But I think we think we NEED a lot of things that people all over the world survive without.

??? We have things that we did not have then to keep us safer and healthier....I use most of them, because I want my kids safe. I cringe when I think of how babies were in cars with no car seats. We have them now and I use them.

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"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream."

John Lennon

Some of the posts here remind me of Dana Carvey's old skit:
YouTube - Crabby Old Man

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If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

Memorial Day is only five months away.

dl

I started leaving my kids home alone at age 12. They were never to tell anyone on the phone that we weren't home. I have always been amazed that people let children 11 or 12 babysit for their children. I do have friends who let their children babysit at that age and they felt it was fine. I guess my feelings on the matter come from working with kids for over 20 years as a girl scout leader and through school and church groups. I have seen so many kids act very mature for their age one minute and the next be totally childlike. I guess it is just a little out of my comfort zone although I know many people have no problem with it.

Good for you! I'm trying to join you in being able to say this. While my son "can" cook a good meal (because he took cooking classes for a year), I can't imagine him actually doing it. My child knows how to do laundry, but doesn't. I don't know if part of it is the fact that he spends about 60% of his time with me and 40% of his time with his dad, but I know I've just let him slide. He gets good grades, plays sports, knows he is going to college, etc., but I feel good if I get him to make his bed before school. I don't want some poor girl to be stuck with a lazy man when it comes to the house! It would be even worse knowing that I allowed him to become that man, but it's a much bigger challenge than I ever expected it to be.

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Kim

I know at 12 I was babysitting my newborn niece & I think at 11 I let dd stay home & watch her sisters during the day but I guess it depends my youngest will soon be 6 & middle is 9 I wouldnt dream of leaving them alone but I knew a girl who watched her nephew when she was 7 he was about 2 & ya that is the truth she was my best friend she used to get out of school 30 mins early somedays to babysit nowadays you wouldnt dream of doing that KWIM

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mom of 3 greats girls

My son is now 13. I will let him stay home for a couple of hours at a time.

2 years ago, if he wanted to, he could stay in the car while I made a quick trip to the store.

And over the summer, he could stay home for an hour or so alone while I ran errands.

I am slowly getting more comfortable with him being home alone. He is in junior high now. He knows not to answer the phone unless he knows who is on the other line (caller ID), he knows how to call out (and normally calls my cell phone at least once while I am running errands), and knows not to answer the door.

He is a smart kid. I probably don't give him enough credit for his smarts, LOL.

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"Yesterday my life was duller, now everything's technicolor!"

It's good to get opinions and benefit from others experiences, but in the end, I think the best thing to do is to trust your instinct and values. When it comes to things like this, you are the one who knows your child and yourself best.

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips