I ended up going out for happy hour with a friend of mine tonight and ran in to an old friend from high school. It kind of got me thinking... Do you ever wonder if you've made the right decisions and are in the right place? Are you married to the right person? Doing what you should be doing????

My mom was married for 21 years, then she and my dad got a divorce (he left her). That makes me wonder about my own marriage. I love my husband, but I wonder sometimes... Am I with the person I'm "supposed to be with"... Is there such a thing? I also wonder frequently if I'm doing the right things for my child? Am I in the right job? Am I alone in asking these questions? Do you wonder or did you wonder and make a change?

I'm just curious about other people. Is this common?

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Kim

yep!
And yes, I made changes.
Our life shouldn't define us, we should define our life!

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I never used to more than a fleeting thought, but after all that has happened the last three years, I do now. I am sure most won't admit it, but I don't doubt that everyone does at times. When it gets to my point of it happening on an every few minutes basis, then it is time for a change, there in lies the problem.

I don't believe in coincidence I believe that we are all where we are meant to be and doing what we are meant to be doing. And that is true whether a person divorces or whatever "good" or "bad" happens to us. Nothing is random or we wouldn't be here. If anything that's happened up to now had been different by a few degrees, a few minutes, etc life would not be as it is.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

yes, I have wondered and made changes, both awful and wonderful.

I am one of 'those' people that often have 'deja vu', sort of a feeling I have been thru a particular situation before.....it used to scare me until my Dad explained that it was 'life' showing me the way. Does that make sense??? I really can't explain it, except now it is comforting instead of scary.....it makes me feel like I am in the right place--right now....no matter how I got there.

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"It's not about how much baggage you have, it's about whether or not you can carry your own baggage with grace and dignity."

Jeeplady...it's called being *fey* and it's a gift 8^D

I think many people ask themselves your questions. I have had my doubts over the years. There are some things I would have done differently. I often wonder if I could have been a better mother to my children. Because of my mothers long illness, I was very wrapped up in her care, and didn't spend as much time with my oldest daughter as I should have. With that being said, she has grown into a beautiful young women. She shines both on the inside and out.
My marriage has often been a struggle, for many of the same reasons I feel that I haven't always been a great mom. But, dh and I did teach our daughters that if you really love and respect each other, you need to work on your marriage....not throw in the towel! With all that has happened over the past year, I have come to realize that I am very blessed with my life I am where I should be! Now...winning the lottery would be a nice addition!

Kim -

Wonderful, thoughtful questions. I am one who is constantly questioning myself and whether the things I have done or am doing are the right things. I'm not good with change though, so I tend to stick with what I know...just constantly question it.

As for marriage, I really don't think it's the right thing to do for the majority of people in this day and age. I do not know what the right thing is, but it just seems that people either go in and out of marriages like they're changing their underwear, or remain commited to their vows but end up very unhappy and unfulfilled as a result. Of course, there are couples who are perfect for one another and/or have the spirit and makeup to make things work over the long haul, but it sure seems like they are few and far between.


cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

No, I don't wonder about it at all. I have found that if I think about stuff like that, it makes me doubt and/or feel negative about my situation. I mean, the grass is always greener somewhere else right? I am one that will take a negative idea and run with it. So, I try to stay positive. That doesn't mean I don't look for new business opportunities but I appreciate the life I have. I have a friend who had doubts such as OP's (and she had met up with an old friend as well) and she decided her life wasn't all that great and she messed up. Well, she left her hubby (good guy), ended up with an old boyfriend (who got sent to jail a few months later) and had to go back to living with her parents. SO...it didn't work out for her the way she thought it would. We make our own lives. It's good to question things every once in a while but if you have to question your marriage then it's time to really LOOK at your marriage. We don't have doubts for no reason

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I have wondered about this. Then I think about my kids and wonder who they would be if they had another father. If I hadn 't married my second DH and moved out of state, my DD wouldn't have married the man she did and I wouldn't have the wonderful grandsons that I have. If we hadn't taken in a friend of DD's when she was pregnant and needed a home, how would she have turned out (possibly like her brothers and sisters, all in trouble, jail, prison, or dead by violent means). We also wouldn't have helped raise her DD, who we consider our granddaugter.
My life is not perfect, but it is good and I wouldn 't change much!

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Square dancing is friendship set to music!

I personally never wonder for me again personally speaking I totally believe in soul mates and know for sure my dh Tommy is my soulmate and we were mean't to be together. We are very opposite for sure on so many levels however for us we truly love each other and I always will believe in if you truly truly love the other person then things will always be okay .I was engaged to someone else before I met my dh and it was a very hard and complicated relationship started at 16 and ended at 21. I got so emotionally sick and drained from the relationship to the point of being so skinny and not eating and extremely nervous and thought I could never live without this person. Yet when I found out he was seeing and in love with someone else I finally got the courage to end it. I never ever thought I would live without him. It was hard but after time I said was I crazy how could I have loved this person. When I met my dh and realized what true love was I knew I made the right choice . To op for me again and I am sure many can relate the longer your married it goes to different levels of emotion as we get older . Wish we all could experience those carefree times when we were dating and all was lovely , but as we mature and start a family things do change and people do start to wonder because those carefree days will never come back. To op are you in love with your dh has your marriage been a good marriage I sincerely hope you do not mind me asking but perhaps something is missing. Kindly keep us posted and I sincerely hope you can feel like your in the right place . Marriage is not always easy no marriage is good luck op. Peace. Catherine

Yes, that's it! (i had to google 'fey') but that explains it. It is just such a strange and random thing sometimes!

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"It's not about how much baggage you have, it's about whether or not you can carry your own baggage with grace and dignity."

It's natural to wonder things throughout life.........
Personally, I think I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and doing exactly what I'm supposed to do. I firmly believe it's all do to returning to the Catholic Church several years ago. I've never been happier.
I'm very glad to be single because if you aren't married to the right person it's no fun at all! Not that I expected marriage to be "fun" but your husband is supposed to be there for you and I really never had that....in fact, I can't even imagine what it's like to have a husband that you know will be there for you, especially emotionally. One example-one night I woke up feeling quite ill. I started walking into the hallway and had to lay down fast or I would have passed out. I felt so weak, etc.... I called for him and he came out into the hallway-I told him how I was feeling-he asked me if I needed anything- I said maybe a glass of water cause I didn't know what was wrong with me- so he got me a glass of water-asked if I needed anything else and I said something like I guess not and he turned around and went back to bed and to sleep and left me so weak I still wasn't even able to sit up. My oldest DS, who was only around 11 or so at the time, heard me and came out and by gosh he sat with me until I was better and could get up, etc... I just can't understand how a spouse would leave their other spouse so weak on the floor they can't even sit up and just turn around and go back to bed. Geez, I guess it was a good thing it wasn't a heart attack or something really serious! I think I was around 41 or something like that. I felt so abandoned by him.....gotta love my son though!!!

You are where you are supposed to be. Whatever has come before or whatever is coming is what will happen, you can't change it. There are things in life you are meant to experience and go through, lessons that need to be learned and sometimes learned again.

With that being said I also think that there are no coincidences. If you were meant to run into that old flame you will. Not necessarily to run away and leave your family because you caught up, but more because maybe there's something you need to hear from them or a direction they are going to point you in. Maybe it is just so that you will self reflect.

There are no coincidences and you are always in the right place at the right time, IMO.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Thank you for all the responses. It was interesting to hear everyone's point of view. The person I ran in to was actually a female friend. She's recently remarried and is much happier than when she was married the first time and talked about how she feels like she finally got it "right". He does very well, they travel constantly and she just loves her life. She's also trying to get pregnant again as her husband really wants a child (she has 3 from her previous marriage). He loves her boys, but does want to be a father himself, as well. Listening to her talk, I just started to think... How do you know when it's "right"? Do you really know when it's wrong? I don't feel like my marriage is wrong, but I wonder if I will wake up 15 years from now and find that it was wrong. I know that happens to people, but I wonder if they were just in denial the whole time, didn't think they could make it on their own, etc.... Anyway, just reflecting...

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Kim