Niece has almost hit rock bottom....She is 22 and has an almost 5 and a 3 year old girls.

We have decided that we will let her and her kids move in...but I want to have her sign a contract.

She currently gets grants for school.. WIC, food stamps and insurance for the kids. SHe uses the grant money to pay for her rent and expenses... but found out today that she pawned her title for $150 UGH!! Her electric is due the 15th and she messed up with something and will not get her food stamps til the end of the month. Her mom lives near her and will not let her move back in as "there is no room for her and the girls in the house" I despise her mom.

The rules so far... She has to go to school FULL time. No drinking or Drugs in our house.. NO EXCEPTIONS. That has not been an issue with her, but her ex went to rehab.

If she is not in school full time she has to have a full time job.
It will renew in 6 MONTH intervals. I want a legal ground to stand on if she takes advantage of us or does not do what she is supposed to.

Opionions on how she can spend her money etc.
DO we have her pay something towards living here? I would rather have her pay and put some of money aside for her, without her knowing.
I do not want her going from no money to have her grant money in her hands and thinking she has free money to spend.

What stipulations would you add?

I need ideas for this.. TIA

You can not force a person to be responsible.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

One of my friends was in a similar situation. She did charge rent, and she opened up an account and deposited the rent money, when it was time for her relative to move out on her own....she gave her the money. It was a great help, and very unexpected. It helped with her fresh new start...

I think she should be responsible for contributing something, unless she can show that she is saving her money to get back on her feet. Perhaps she will let you be in charge of her money until she is ready to move out again. I love the idea of saving her rent money and returning it when she moves.

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I would add stipulations on child care (if you were to watch her girls) I would charge her a % of what she gets and take some of that (if not all of that) and put it into an account for when she is ready to move out on her own. Also rules regarding her friends visiting, what is and is not accepted in your home, and if she has any friends who you don't want in your home let her know up front that they aren't welcome. I would also say since it is your home give her a curfew, I know she has kids and is an adult but it is your home and I would say that if say you and your family lock everything up at say 11 for the night, then everyone needs to be in the house by that time, or at least call and let you know where she is, who she is with and when she plans on coming home. HTH

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~~~~**Maryann**~~~~

I just got a firm grip on reality....
Now I can strangle it

The kids should be her responsibility. You dont want to end up picking up after everyone and doing all the laundry and such.
Rules about when is bed time or quiet time.
Rules about the eletric and such. ie: turning off lights when not in the room and such.
good luck. been there done that and will NEVER do it again.
eletric bill tripled....
ran out of hot water ALOT due to someone taking 30 min showers each day.
it was NOT good and seemed to last FOREVER!
I wish you all the luck in the world. I am afraid you will need it.

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Exactly. This girl has already proven she cannot be responsible. And there are more reasons than those listed as to why the girl's mother won't let her move back in - I would bet.

op I think you have a kind and giving heart. I hope you don't regret what you are considering. However, with what you have said she's being given, everything is handed to her so I don't see her at rock bottom. Does she get child support? I know she's young, the kids are innocent, etc, etc but there is no reason for her to continue mooching with all the benefits she seems to have.

dl

Utilities will definately go up and if she is getting grants and it is used now for living expenses then definately charge her something. $100 a week is definately NOT too much to ask for 3 new people living in your house.

I had a nephew live with us and it disgusted me how he balked at paying me $75 a week which included a room,food,and all utilities yet he would spend his paycheck on beer and snacks in 2 days.

You also definately need to set down rules as to her helping out with cleaning house etc. as the 3 of them will add to that task as well.

I hope it all works out for you.

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~*~Live life to the fullest*~*

Our nephew moved in for 4 & 1/2 months and it was truly awful . . . I hated having him here and never helping and then my hubby who really doesn't help much turned into someone I do not even know. My hubby wanted to be Jacobs new BFF. Jacob payed nothing, did nothing, ate everything, I started calling him the golden boy. My hubby paid more attention to him then his own kids and the kids noticed, the world revolved around Jacob. It was just a strange for me. Our oldest kiddo is only 12 and doesn't watch R movies or anything. We had a very PG household, not even teen video games, in the past my hubby would go into our bedroom and watch movies with adult jokes, sex, murder, and stuff or we would watch them after the kids bedtime. Suddenly my hubby was watching them in the living room all day with Jacob who is 20 and already has a child w/ his ex, but of course he was to young and now has nothing to do with his kid nor support it, Jacob can't even take care of himself. My husband changed, he is 40, but he started acting like a rude, crude, sex crazed 20 year old. All day, almost everyday, I would walk into the living room & they would be watching something R rated so I would just react with . . . . wow, really, you know the kids can see that, hear that, wow, really, are you kidding, . . . . he would turn to Jacob and laugh at me & say she is soooo uptight. . . I became the outsider in my own house.

Everything about Jacob being here bug me, everything, but the most was that he didn't do anything. He didn't do the dishes, take out the trash, help with the kids activities, like taking them to baseball practice or homework, he did not play with or entertain the kids, I mean nothing, all he did was eat all the time, sleep all the time, then nap all the time and then watch TV.

Here is an example, hubby at work all day, kids at elementary school all day, just me and Jacob at home, I get up get three showered, fed and off to school w/ lunches made and Jacob sleeps. then I clean the house, do laundry, mop floors, clean toilets, etc.. and Jacob sleeps. I then go shopping for groceries and Jacob moves from bed to living room sofa to watch TV. I come home with groceries and Jacob is now napping on sofa. I get kids from school, kids wake up Jacob so he goes back to bed. I take kids to baseball practice, help with homework, babysit kid next door, made dinner for everyone while youngest kid works w/ his in-home tutor. Jacob wakes up for dinner and eats a lot and then he goes out if hubby gets stuck at work or if hubby comes home then Jacob and hubby watch R rated movies in front of kiddos and laugh at me because they say I don't want the kids to grow up . . . And then I get to do the dishes, finish laundry, give the youngest kid a bath, and put them to bed, while hubby hangs out with Jacob.

Anyway, it was like a living nightmare with no end in sight . . .

Sorry that was so long but here is my advice:

1. Get an end date or gameplan before they move in, after they move in, it will just never happen. 6 months is a very long time . . .

2. Talk about everything, meals, food, cleaning, everyday things, like taking out the trash or doing the dishes and $$$. I have so much anger about dishes, yet I did them before Jacob moved in and the shopping and the cooking, I am a stay at home mom but I just felt really used after Jacob moved in and did nothing, nothing, nothing... I still don't understand why I was doing everything, I was cleaning toilets, mopping, cooking, doing dishes, and he just watched TV all day everyday or went out with his friends.

~~~~Good Luck~~~~

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Mommy to three wonderful boys, Justin (11), Nicholas (9) and Scottie (8)

She needs to pay something to live in your home if she's to develop any sense of responsibility. She should also be charged for incremental utilities and groceries.

There need to be rules and expectations around chores, groceries, babysitting, houseguests....and a big long discussion about how the household typically runs and what is and is not acceptable. It's amazing the differences you can find in household norms.

Good luck with this.

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