Well, I have finally been pushed as far as I'm willing to be pushed.
Between being accused of harassing the X's girlfriend, his bad behaviour/attitude, and NOW her emailing me about how I should respect the X (ummmm...hello? I lived with him for 15 years. 15 years that had abuse, cheating and lying....now, you who have known him all of 5 months wants to tell me how I should respect him??) and just in general harassing me---I'm going to file temporary restraining orders against both of them. I just don't want to have anymore contact with him than necessary. I certainly don't want to have contact with HER--if I did, I would have contacted her!
I'm not changing anything about x's visitation of access to the children. I am requesting that any drop off/pick up involving the children be done in a public place. And any communications that are not urgent in manner (sick kids, sick parents, unexpected changes in scheduling, etc.) be conducted through USPS. I just want him to leave me alone, unless it's a matter that directly involves the children.

Temporary orders are only good 20 days. I doubt that I can make an argument for a perm order against her. However, I'm pretty sure that I have plenty of reason for him.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Honestly, I think you are spending way too much time letting these people get to you.
By filing a restraining order against your ex, and i do know this from one I filed, it DOES interfere with you visitation. When the order is issued, the "protection" is for you and anyone in your household, that would include your children...

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Be careful what you wish for.....

actually, a TRO can be just for one person. Nothing to do with the kids. Certain caveats can be added that allow contact btwn ex's for very specific situations (like school events, drop off/pick up kids, etc.)

And you're probably right about letting them get to me. I worry because the man is a sociopath, and is mentally unstable. He's halfway normal on his anti-psychotic drugs, however since he's recently unemployed he is without insurance and I don't know that he will stay on the medication. He may feel that the medications are something that he can't afford. I certainly do not need his girlfriend extolling to me his virtues, and telling me to respect him as a man and as a father.
Frankly, if he's off his meds, he's a danger to me and pretty much the general public. He's violent. I just wanted something in writing....
But it's a moot point--since he hasn't assaulted me recently, they will not issue any sort of restraining order or no contact order. I was basic told to come back after I was assaulted.

I am doing my best to have minimal contact with the man. And even though it costs me money, I am routing any and all correspondence through my attorney.

While I know he doesn't want the children (way too much work), he knows that the easiest and best way to get to me is through them. I am scared to death that he will up and leave--taking the kids with him. Yeah, it's all spelled out in the parenting plan, but, well--he ain't right in the head. And if his girlfriend is in love with him, then she's probably not going to be able to do anything, or may not even try to do anything to stop him if he does something stupid.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I'll echo dannic in saying, don't let crazy people get to you...other than that here's my 2 cents -

Follow through with the request for contact through USPS and attorney only. It's unfortunate you have to spend $ on this but it's well spent at least for the time being kwim.

Have a friend/neighbor present when he comes to pick up/drop off the kids; either he will behave, or you will have a witness to sound the alarm if he goes off the deep end.

If his behavior to you is threatening/violent or otherwise warrants it, then get your atty to request thru court that drop off/pick up of the children is done in a public place through a neutral party. School officer, police station, child services, etc. Hope it doesn't come to that...that is the extreme. But, you're describing a mentally ill angry violent person who might be off meds, and that's someone very unpredictable.

Good luck to you. Sorry you and your kids are going through this.

Maybe if he takes you back things well become more traditional.

ROFL!

Why would I take him back when I was led by God to divorce him?

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Marilynk,

While I don't post often, I do lurk and have been a member here for a long time. I've read your posts and I can empathize with you as I am going through a very similar situation and then some. That is all I can say though because this is a public message board. I hope you understand.

You cannot, as you stated and unfortunately, get a TRO unless you can prove without a doubt the need for such. It does not mean you have to be assaulted physically first. If there are ANY verbal threats of violence they will stand in court for a TRO. However, most likely you would only be granted a Refrain from NOT a Stay-Away.

And any TRO that is issued, though only YOU may be named DOES included the minor the children. It is written on the TRO's. For instance, if you have a Full Stay Away and you are out with the kids. The Ex shows up and he, because you have custody, cannot be around the kids either and MUST leave. And yes, Stay Away's DO hinder visitation.

Block the Ex's girlfriend's email addy. There is no reason for her to have any contact with you at all. She is considered a legal stranger and the courts frown heavily upon those who are seen as interfering in the child-parent relationship (meaning you, your Ex and the children).

Also, a very good alternative for visitation is curb-side drop-off pick-up at the home. This way neither of you has to speak and it makes it better for the children. A public place, I agree with CarolCarolC, IS an extreme.

And lastly, a good idea is FamilyWizard(dot)com for all communication between you and your Ex. Check it out and you may want to discuss this site with your attorney.

The bottom line is that this man will be in your life forever. As others have said, don't let him (or his girlfriend) get to you. THAT is what they want, you know that, don't give it to them. You are a strong person! You CAN do it.

I wish you nothing but the best

First off pepperpot where have you been , your comments againist Marilynk make no sense at all literally. To Marilynk I truly feel for you, you are trying so hard to move on with your life and are truly trying so hard and just when you think things could not get worse here we go again, I honestly feel your anguish for you and your sons and sincerely wish your problems with your ex and his girlfriend gets resolved, we are here for you to vent and keep us posted. Peace. Catherine

Catherine,
pepperpot (or I call her PP) is just a troll. She means nothing to me.

I appreciate your kind words.

Just a tad bit of vindication for me: I found out through a mutual friend that the X attempted to get his child support reduced--the courts DENIED him. So, that made me feel a tiny bit better about my denial.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Marilyn we all know PP is a troll, now back to you I am glad you got come good news your a strong woman and you and your sons deserve so much better again we are here for you best wishes. Peace. Catherine

I so feel for you Marilyn. I've never had an ex to deal with, but I always thought the ex's girlfriend/new wife would be the worst!!

I just really think she should be dismissed by you. What she thinks means nothing, remember that!


and maybe, just maybe, someday he'll take you back if you are lucky. Just remember to behave like a good wife should...........( i am only joking of course)

hope that made you smile!

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Melissa

I thought PP's hubby was going to take the computer from her or some such nonsense?

Anyway, Marilyn, I just wanted to say that I feel for you and I too am sorry you're having to deal with this. Things are still very raw right now, but with any luck (and I say this from experience), things WILL simmer down after awhile and you'll no longer have to spend your time and energy dealing with either of them. After the first couple of years, I didn't hear from my ex for ten years (and we did have children together). Unfortunately, he's back in my life now, but only vicariously through my eldest daughter. I hope things get better for you - I'm keeping you in my thoughts.

Mariah

He only unplugged it after seeing those nasty messages that were sent to me. I'm no dummy though, I know how to plug it back in.....

Pepper,
You're disobeying your hubby. You know you're supposed to obey him. lol
Judy

If you didn't know where to stick the plug, I would have been more than willing to tell you!

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

If he is off his meds, maybe he should not be around the children, if he is as violent as you say. Maybe you should discuss that with your attorney, and see if something can be done for that reason alone.

That doesn't sound very traditional.

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!