I have a cousin who lives in SC. His daughter is graduating from high school. My sister & I received an announcement/invitation to her graduation. I live in FL. My sister lives in NY. This is a sort of distant cousin and we really don't see each other much. My sister & I weren't planning on acknowledging her graduation.

My question: Would you send a gift or check if you were in my place?

My sister & I are sending a check, but I have never heard of this & I was a little puzzled when I received it. Is this a new custom?

TIA!

Judi

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"Try to see the glass half-full."

OK, I know you didn't ask for any "I can top this stories", but I just have to tell you this one. I haven't spoken to my EX in over 10 years, even tho we live in the same town and have a daughter together. I got an invitation from his son that he had with another woman after we divorced. If EX and I had been on speaking terms I wouldn't have had a second thought as it was my daughters half-brother. I did send the kid a small gift anyway, but I "thought" some really ugly things at EX. An naturally for the area, didn't get a thank you, my mother woulda made me return the gift if I couldn't say thank you.

choices -It's not a new custom to send announcements for high school graduation. She is your second cousin and I would expect to receive an announcement to my cousin's daughter's. We live in different states as well and only see each other once per year, if that depending. I would also send her something.

sss - I would try to look beyond the ex part and consider the son. Perhaps the ex had no idea the son sent it. I would guess the son and your daughter have been around each other over the years and thus it seemed "normal" to him to send his half sister's family an announcement. My guess.

For me, I got an 8th grade invitation to a 3+ hour party. I haven't gotten an 8th grade in forever. I did send a gift, she's like a niece to me. I always consider the kids, not what their parents have or have not done.

dl

I've gotten them, too. My kind of general rule, is I send nice gifts (checks) for those I'm close to. If they're neighbors or distant relatives, I send a card with either a small check or a small gift. Last year I sent a kid an iTune's gift card.

That way you're acknowledging their accomplishment with something.

However, I would say that thank you's are rare. After having forced my kids to sit down and do them their entire lives, I get irritated when I don't receive them. That's just bad manners.

Lisa

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"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

I think that sometimes they just send one to everyone in their parents address book. I think that you should at least send a card. I got one years ago from a friend of a friends child. I had never met either of them. I didn't send anything, but now wish I would have sent a card.

I had to chuckle about the thanks you's-I made my boys write them too. I like getting thank yous.

I know *I* sent them to all my family (up to 3 cousins) because my mom wanted me too. It's a celebration of a great accomplishment (none of my grandparents got past 6th grade). I always at least send a card and personally, I include a check of some sort (amount depending on how close you are). An Itunes gift card is appreciated as well (I have younger cousins who have told me this). If you get one from a "family" member you have never heard of...well, that is a bit different and a card will do fine.

On the same topic of *just* sending a card. There is a person I know (wouldn't call them a friend) whose kid graduated college recently. They sent out announcements to everyone and anyone (I got one and never met the kid). I overhead the mom talking at an event about "the cheapskates" who just sent a card and "didn't they know they were supposed to send money". I bet my mouth was open in awe. I guess in that case, not sending anything would have been better. I sent a small check with a card (wonder what she said about me!) and never got a thank you Now you see why this person isn't my *friend*

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Thanks everyone for your quick responses. You all are the best! Happy Memorial Day!

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"Try to see the glass half-full."

Funny because same thing to happened to me and my family , my fathers older sister has lived in South Carolina since she got married at 17 and she is now 81 anyway, in mylifetime I have only seen my aunt 3 times, however we are close and talk very often the last time my dad saw her was over 20 years ago. Anyway I do have 6 cousins and many second cousins, they send invitations for many occasions, however in the early years when all was healthy and some relatives were able to travel to South Carolina they did. However we always sent a check or flowers depending on the occasion, because like I said my dad and my mom speak to her about every 2 weeks. For us I only sent my wedding invitation and 2 cousins did come my aunt was too sick. Then my brother Sonny passed away on 5/4/02 they did all sent beautiful flowers and checks as well. So I guess it all depends on how close you are with these family members. Sure wish we did live closer. We keep in touch by phone cards and now facebook. Peace and good luck always. Catherine