First day of summer break and I let my 13 year old hang at his friends house. They ended up riding bikes to the kids Dads house(who was at work), drank vodka and my son was so sick and scared that the girl(who came over and I had no idea about--which now I am glad was there) ended up calling 911. Got a call from fire dept that my son was being transported to hospital. The single scariest day in my life. Ends up the boy left them at his Dad's while he rode his bike back home to check in with sitter. He started throwing up and couldn't get back to Dad's. Now the Dad is saying my son can be charged with trespassing and trashing his house(he did puke all over). This is just a big mess. I never expected this so early. They all got tickets and have to go to court and were just very lucky the football coach did not kick them off the team. Anybody know what to expect in court? My husband thinks I am nuts because I am taking my son to AA meetings and am making sure he joins the SADD chapter at school next fall. Anybody know of any other things I can do to make sure he never does this again(short of the fact that I am never trusting him again and he may not go out again until he graduates). This might be the reason why you don't let kids start school early. All his friends are 14 and 15 and he is a follower. He says "Mom , you know how it is when you are with friends." I'm sorry I don't!!! I think as girls we try to one up the next girl by having better clothes but boys seem to have to go bigger and better on every dumb thing they do. Nice start to the summer!!!

I don't have boys, I've got girls and (knock wood) they are 13 & 16 and have never drank. However, I would like to think that just the getting sick, puking, getting in trouble, etc. would be incentive enough for him to not drink again for quite a while. Then, again, who knows.

I feel for you. I hope everything turns out ok.

Lisa

__________________
"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

That's exactly what I was thinking.

AA seems a little off- he's not an alcoholic he was just being a dumb kid

Sadd is just a good thing to join anyhow.

while I think that we could all benefit from attending an AA meeting ("there but for the Grace of God, go I..." kind of thing), forcing him to go will only compound the problem.
Forcing him to join a a club/group that he may not believe in, will only compound the problem.

It's difficult to find the happy medium--but you're going to have to back on your knee-jerk reaction. The kids did a stupid thing. They don't have the cause and effect reasoning that they will as they grow older.

The trespassing threat is pointless and baseless. Your son was allowed in the home by a resident of the home, and was not told or asked to leave. The destruction of property? wouldn't stick....
The other father is just huffing and puffing because his son appears to be the instigator or at least helped create this huge mess.

I suspect that your son may get probation and community service.
Perhaps, instead of taking him to AA, you should take him to an autopsy of a teenager. Regardless of how the teen has died, it's still pretty earth-shattering to see someone just like you on the morgue slab.

Kids do stupid things. Always have, always will.
I believe you may overreacting a bit, but that's my opinion.

__________________
Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I think it's a good idea for him to go to AA. Even if he doesn't have an alcohol problem he will see what it has done/is doing to other peoples' lives. And the trouble he's getting into will hopefully keep him from having a problem like this in the future.
Teens experiment with things don't blame yourself too harshly.

__________________
The political system is broke and it's a joke.

To answer your court question. Learn how to address the prosecutor and judge, and teach him. The judge or prosecutor may want to talk to you and his dad. Make sure you all dress appropriately for court.

Some areas have a process called diversion (or something similar depending on where you are) that is for first time offenders. You might want to call the prosecutor's office and ask. If he follows the rules for a certain amount of time (a year most likely) the charges will be dropped. But, if he doesn't, the first and then whatever he does next will both be processed.

We made our son make the calls, the deals, and the decisions. We made him pay his attorney and court fees. I believe having made him responsible for the consequences of his actions was a positive thing. He had quite a nice nest egg building and it all went to attorneys and the court system. The money loss made the most impact. But, every situation is different.

I do hope he is able to regain your trust soon. It can be a tough dance with a teen. If you reign him in too close, he may totally rebel and really get in a mess.

As for the other family and the story you have told here -- if the other kid let your son in his dad's home, either both were trespassing or neither was. It is the prosecutor who makes that decision. And, the other family can be liable for providing alcohol to minors.... but I wouldn't go there since I would think the other family was not aware. Their homeowners policy might cover the associated hospital costs.

Some cities have "teen court". This may be something that is tried in teen court. And sometimes teens are harder judges and juries on their peers than the "regular" judges are.

If you decide to make him go to an AA meeting or to attend regularly--try to find a teen geared AA meeting. I still think AA meetings are overkill, but that's my opinion based on what you have stated here.

I think grounding for the summer is appropriate. I think working his butt off around the house is appropriate. I think not letting him have any freedom until he earns it is appropriate.

__________________
Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Thanks for all the responses.

I have been through this not once but twice with my son. He did not get to do diversion because the judge didn't feel it would suit him.

He did get ordered to go to AA and then got 100 hours of community service. We as his parents got to go to counseling with him. Again ordered by the court.

It is different for everyone and I hope you the best with your son.

My son didn't "get" it with alcohol until he was involved in a nasty car accident. (him not being the driver) He is 21 now and going good. He has learned as will your son.

I wish you only the best.

__________________
Always believe in yourself.