To any of you that replied to my original post about my son getting a minor consumption charge, what kind of experience is the court adventure? Do we need to take anything with us? Should he have any kind of character letters or a letter to the judge stating his accomplishments or goals? I am really hoping he gets off with some sort of community service but I have heard that have cut that out and it is all fines(which I can NOT afford right now). Any insight in this would be greatly appreciated since court is tomorrow morning. J

I don't have specific experience with this, so I can't offer advice. Just wanted to wish you luck!

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Kim

I assume you do not have a lawyer? If you don't then any notorized letter speaking of his good charater and accomplishments are always a big help. Better yet if you can find a person of authority or even a teacher of his, a former boss, a pastor or priest that knows him that would be willing to vouch for your son's good character.

I am assuming that this is a one time lack of judgement in his case. If what he did is out of character then this needs to be pointed out. It always help to let the Judge knows how remorseful your son is. If all you can get is a letter then try to ask those people to be willing to talk to the Judge on the phone if needed. Be ready to answer the question why those people can't be there.

If you are going there without a lawyer make sure you make notes for yourself as to what you will want to say. Be very polite, don't be long winded and the most important thing is make sure your son is dressed in a way like he was going to a very important job interview.

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Loida Chan
A Bargain Shopper who believes that Life's Luxuries can come at small prices.

Thanks Ladies. I am hoping for the best. He has a few letters from teacher and Scout master. My son is only 13 and the kids he was drinking with is 15. They both go to court together.They are both members of the school football team and are both wearing their dress up clothes. I told son maybe he should go in his Scout uniform(lol). I am hoping for a punishment that will influence him more than a fine(which would just hurt me). I want him to really suffer for a bit. I am hoping he has learned his lesson but who knows. I never thought I would be dealing with anything like this at such a young age.

WOW! 13 years old? Again, WOW.

I do hope that he knows how serious this is and not to repeat this again.
I am sure there are organizations that help kids that have a temporary lapse of judgement. It is important that he knows that giving in to peer pressure is never a good thing. You need to tell the Judge what you intend to do to help your son avoid this kind of mistakes.

Good Luck to your son.

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Loida Chan
A Bargain Shopper who believes that Life's Luxuries can come at small prices.

Good luck with the court appearance tomorrow.

Just curious, did anything come from the "trespassing charge" or was that just the father trying to stay out of trouble?

well, if all he gets is a fine---then I suggest you make him "pay" in some way--extra chores, manual labor, something.

And if he doesn't get community service, then I suggest you "volunteer" him for some sort of service!

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I agree with Marilyn, I don't doubt that he just gave into peer pressure, but that has gotten a LOT of kids into trouble they never get out of. If all the court is interested in is you paying a fine, You should find some ways for him to see what a chance he took so he won't try such again. You mentioned before making him attend AA - I think at least - did you follow thru on that? There is no way of knowing on a one time deal like this whether he is an alcoholic, certainly not even hinting that, just tossing out things for him to see that life is too fragile to take a chance of tossing it away on a whim. Have you had him do an internet search on alcohol related deaths, or even accidental deaths caused by a peer pressure dare? Just tossing ideas, because even if you wind up with a fine, and he gets a slap on the wrist, in the end you want him to basically think before he jumps in with what everyone else is doin.

Good luck

I would never go to court without an attorney. Everything just kind of depends on what type judge you get, each judge is different and has a different way of thinking and a different way of handling different situations.

I used to do child abuse and neglect investigations and was in the juvenile court system alot, I presented all my own cases and evidence to the judge UNLESS the other party got an attorney, then I got the Commonwealth attorney to represent me/DHS/child. I have just seen alot of people go to court without an attorney thinking they can handle it on their own and it doesn't turn out so good for them, or they could have gotten something much better with an attorney.

Good luck tomorrow!

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I don't know much about AA and obviously know nothing about your child, but a possibility crosses my mind.....

Is there any chance he might encounter anyone he knows in the AA meeting? Even like... the parent of a friend? And does your son have the maturity to keep what he hears in the meeting a complete secret from anyone else?

I would think it could be a very, very tempting secret for a kid to carry around and try to keep under wraps.... "Hey, did you know Jimmy's dad gets like totally wasted on the weekends and then goes and tells the other drunks about it and like sobs and cries and everything?"

AA doesn't exist to 'scare your kid straight', and in a sense taking him for that purpose is sort of using those people who depend on anonymity. If there is any chance whatsoever that your child could 'blow their cover' - and the fact that he went with the crowd to try to 'fit in' with those kids makes me concerned that he might care a little too much about being impressive to them... well... having juicy gossip to share might land him in the seat he was seeking when he took the drinks that got him here.

Just something to think about...

Court is this morning at 8:30. How embarrassing to have a delinquent at age 13. I expected drinking in high school but never this early.
As far as AA, I have not sent him yet but I have an Ex sis in law that goes and she said she would take him. I don't think he would run into anybody he knows(but you never know). All my family recommended just chalking it up to a dumb teenage decision and don't think AA is the way to go. I am having him join his schools chapter of SADD when school resumes.

As for the other parent and the trespassing charges, he never called back after the initial conversation we had.

I too think AA might be a stretch. He drank once, and you are labeling him an alcoholic, in his mind as well as anyones mind who runs into him at one of the meetings and happens to know him.

I certainly would put a halt to hanging with the other boy. I would also tell him that if he doesn't see the error of his ways, that football or some other favorite activity is on the line. This is serious enough that it counts as two strikes, so follow through on any promises of punishment. He should also pay for any fines or judgments out of his own pocket, no matter how long it takes.

The suggestion of attending an autopsy is not a bad idea. I'm not sure how you can arrange that. Another possibility is to look in the obits for teen deaths and take him to the funeral, particularly if they are drug or alcohol related, whether the deceased was the user or just the result. Just seeing all those grieving relatives and friends might help him see the sadness that is caused by bad behaviors.

I wish you all well and hope that you get a good resolution at your day in court. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you all.

Well we are back from "court". He just had to go to the Diversion section of the court(no judge). Because of his age she gave him 20 hours of service for us and he has to attend a class at the police station. Not really any fines although it was $50 for today and $15 for the class.
As for hanging with the other boy I don't allow it any more. He does see him at football but that is the amount of their contact. I am just thankful I don't have to shell out a lot of money but do wish the punishment was harsher. Thanks for all the responses.

You are the judge (parent) the punishment can be as harsh as you want!

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But if life gives you limes....make margaritas!!!*******

It was a dumb teenage mistake...I don't think AA is the way to go either. AA just doesn't seem to be the place for him at this point. AA is confidential and like Wow pointed out, he doesn't seem mature enough to grasp that concept. Sobriety for some AA members is a very delicate balance...

And forcing him to join a service organization may backfire.

I think having him do some community service at a homeless shelter, hospital, nursing home, etc. may do more than forcing him to join SADD. Then, having him do some significant chores at home to "earn" the fees/fines/penalties. I mean SIGNIFICANT and moderate labor jobs around the house or for a neighbor.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Glad things turned out ok. As someone else pointed out you are the "judge" the "punishment/learning experience" doesn't end with the court appearance. I would definately make him earn the money to pay for the fines.

I have 3 kids, 2 adults and 1 left at home. My kid knows if she gets in trouble (which she doesn't) any punishment the school or anyone else will give out will be a "piece of cake" compared to what she would get after she gets home.

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