Here are some stupid things that I have heard over the past few days.

Me: What are we seeing you for today?
Patient: My knee, well both knees. In fact my whole body hurts.
Me: What did you to cause the pain?
Patient: I go to college.
Me: Umm, no, what happened to make painful?
patient: I go to college. That's what happened.

Today:
Patient calls in: I am taking percocet that is "making me itchy and stuff," so I suggest adding benedryl 25 mg to help with itchiness.
Patient calls back: I tried benedryl but I think it is too late, the Percocet has given me crabs.

Oh man, it was so hard not to laugh out loud. But as soon as I could I let out the gut laughs.

Now I need to make a book about being stupid. I would love to hear other stories!

situation: A coupon that won't scan (and the cashier has tried over and over and over, with it beeping constantly)
proposed solution: You can use it next time (as if it's going to get better with age and scan in a week?)

statement: I'm just trying to keep my insanity (from a woman who married her husband at age 15, had 13 children and used the same name twice - 2 times)

statement: I got my 12 year old a cell phone so he can call me when he gets home from school so I will know he's home. (people who had, and still do, have a landline in the house)

realization: That the base clinic was actually scheduling appointments 15 minutes later than they told you. It turns out this was their way to get the late comers to hopefully come on time. It meant the people who came early, as they were supposed to, waited even longer.

statement: I was grieving so it's not my fault I didn't tell you that when you asked.

statement: Oh it's ok that the order has two different colors listed. When it's delivered, it will all be the same color (and it was not, even after I tried to point this discrepancy out and a supervisor agreed with the clerk)

Those are mine for the time being. You have struck a nerve with me. It's the dumbing down of America - people can't think, act, or conduct themselves reasonably and nothing is ever their fault.

dl

Patient comes in wearing non-waterproof cast. Cast stunk when taking it off and skin was black. Patient asked me why skin looked that way. After looking at cast I knew it was mold. I asked patient if it had gotten wet and answer was 'yes'. After further questioning patient would bag cast to shower but not to do daily swim because they didn't think cast would get wet in the pool.

at the convenience store in my office building..big snack display with coupons for 50 cents off ANY snack bag..the coupon has a picture of a new flavor. when I get to the register with my regular flavor snack the cashier says 'I think you have to use it on the one in the picture, this is the regular flavor not the one in the picture" I say "I see the picture, but see, here the coupon says 50 cents off any flavor" cashier says "yeah but I think they mean the one in the picture" I again explain it says 50 cents off any flavor. cashier reads coupon slowly aloud, so I know he can read, but he keeps repeating "but I think they mean the one in the picture"...says it like 4 times..I stand there and say nothing and hand him the coupon again and smile..cashier finally says 'well ok...but I hope I don't get in trouble and I'll have to check with the manager later because I think they mean the one in the picture..'

an acquaintance, out of work for months..I tell her I just saw our neighbor and she mentioned if you were still looking for work, she can interview you for an office job at xyz company, just answering phones and light office work. She says I don't want a job, I just wanta get approved for blah blah government program and I don't wanna work..

a neighbor 'there are so many thousands of anchor babies because of obama, but now there's no more, no more anchor babies, we have a new law' (when did that happen, lol, and how did the prez create thousands of babies?)

another friend 'make sure you stop drinking out of plastic, that's how sheryl crow got cancer, drinking from a plastic bottle'...

sheri that's hysterical about the crabs

Heh, the mental image for this one is great. That guy must have incredible time management skills!

babyblue the funniest part is she was talking about all the 'anchor babies' at her child's school...a middle school..so yeah she said it was all obama's fault i got plenty of issues with him and with just about every other politician. but anchor babies in middle school is actually not something I blame obama for, lol

I have an internet business so I "hear" a lot of stupid things

Phone call
Customer: I want 2 bottles of xyz
Me: That will be $xxx plus shipping. What is your zip code so I can calculate the shipping?
Customer: Don't you think in this day and age that everyone should get free 2 day delivery?
Me: When UPS, Fedex and USPS stop charging us, we'll stop charging you
Customer: Will that be this week because I need this by Fri and I don't want to pay shipping?


Customer: is the smoothie mix easy to use?
Me: yes, it's very easy. You just add ice to the cup you want to use, fill with smoothie mix and pour into a blender to blend it up.
Customer: oh, I didn't know you included the blender with the smoothie mix. In that case, I'll take 4.
Me: (I didn't quite know WHAT to say for awhile)...finally I said: uh, no, you misunderstood. The blender does not come with the mix. I was giving you directions on how to use the mix.
customer: oh, so now you are trying to cheat me (image foul words here)
me: *hangs up*


Customer calls after hours on a Friday night. Our Voicemail states our hours (M-F) and times we are open. I get in early Monday morning and listen to the voicemail from the weekend. The customer calls 5 times, each time saying "this is my 2nd call", "this is my 3rd call", etc. Ugh, HELLO...we aren't open...listen the message.

I call him back and he's upset because he wanted us to call him back right away on Friday night and that "all companies online should be open 24/7 including my company". Uh, thanks for the pointer there buddy



BTW...I love the crabs story!

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I love these!! Can't wait for more...

These aren't mine - I got them via email a while ago. Hope they're new for some of you. They are quotes from a travel agent:


I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"

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If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

Let's see:

Had a claimant ask me if the authorization for her surgery included the anesthesia (felt like saying "No, we give you a hammer and a 1/5 of Jack Daniels...")

Had a claimant burn her hand/fingers because she stuck her hand in the oven to remove the bag of giblets from the turkeys.

Had an attorney's assistant ask me if a pharmacy could call me at the same number she called to talk to me about a claimant's prescription ("no, you silly git--you should have them call another number..."
A pharmacy called me and told me I needed to obtain the insurance company's information (umm...*I* am the insurance company) so they could fill an injured worker's Rx. I informed them that I was the insurance company. So, then she proceeded to ask me what buttons she needed to push (on her computer) to get the Rx to go through their system. (how should I know???)

Spoke with an injured worker who told me that a specialist wouldn't see him until he was referred by a lower level provider. I asked if he had an appointment w/ the lower level provider. He responded that he did not because he wanted to see Dr. so-and-so. I reminded him what the specialist had said. He then asked if he needed to see the lower level provider first...we went round and round like this for about 5 min. I still don't know if he intends to go see the lower level provider! ( I suspect his prescription for medical marijuana had something to do with his confusion...)

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

There is a sign at my work that says "Employees Only Buzzer Will Sound if Door is Opened"
Then right below is a sign that says "Push Button Before Opening Door so Alarm Will Not Sound".
Several co workers and I get a kick out of it and then there are those who don't get why it's funny.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

Passed a roadside fruit stand the other day. Sign read Watermelons $2 each or 2 for $5. Not sure if the person writing the sign is the stupid one or he just assumes his customers are

this one is straight from my medical marijuana smoking dd who tried to convince me that there are certain types of marijuana for back pain and other types for head pain etc! In my teen years I smoked a little dope but I don,t think it made me that stupid!!!

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Always be a first rate version of your self instead of a second rate version of someone else.[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

As a state that has medical marijuana:
There are different varieties of marijuana. Different varieties are marketed for different diagnoses.

Now, I don't know if I believe it, but there is literature out there that supports your daughter's statement.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"