Actually, I'm just standing up for myself---and that is p*ssing the X husband off to no end!

He has been keeping tabs on me by texting the kids and asking "where are ya'll?" "what are you doing?" "why aren't you answering the house phone?" He did that the other night when me and the kidlets were @ my boyfriend's house. And the kidlets were getting to play on boyfriend's guitars (bass and reg. electric)---having a ball, and *gasp* actually learning something about making music. I finally had to take the cell phone away from the kidlet (who had his), and told X that kidlets were busy, and would call him in about 30-45 min. Well, that was not good enough for him--and the fight was on. He actually threatened to file charges against me for theft of property because I had no right to take away their phones--and he paid the bill on their phones! LOL
After that night, the X called every night (after not having called his kids since they come home from his house over a month ago!). So, I went and got new phones and phone numbers for the kidlets to alleviate some of the keep tracking of our every moved. The X can contact the children on the house phone or my cell phone anytime he wants. The children can contact him anytime they want. I did tell them that if they called their father from the new phones he would then be able to contact them just like he has been--and if that's what they choose to do, I'll have to deal with that.

I politely requested at least 3 times, that if he calls the house phone and didn't get an answer he should leave a message and the boys could call him when they got the message. (and yes, it really was polite)

He seems terribly threatened with the relationship that the boys are developing with my significant other. He seems terribly angry that I actually have a significant other...and am over the moon happy with the significant other!

X has pushed and pushed and pushed....I have let him walk on me for the last time. I'm taking a stand even if that means I have to deal w/ his wrath and anger (been there, done that, got the tshirt and the coffee mug!)

The kidlets are beginning to see their father for what he is. They have refused to speak with him the last couple of times he called (I can't make them talk to their dad...). When I asked their dad about when he would like to have the boys for visitation 2 weeks ago--he said not before Christmas. But now that he's angry with me--he wants them in October. And the boys don't want to go (kidlets are almost 11 and almost 13)....found out that the kidlets were pretty much treated badly (lots of getting yelled at and punishment from the girlfriend, while her son could do no wrong...)--and when the boys didn't instantly bond with her son, and become his best friends, the boys were blamed for his wanting to go to his father's for the rest of the summer. And they were told that was the reason that their father was sending them home early!
*sigh* it shouldn't be this hard. He moved on, I have moved on. I'm terribly happy w/ my life, my children and my man. I wish the X could just be decent about things.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Marilyn many hugs to you first and foremost. I appauld you for being the strong women you are and doing the right things by your children. I am dearly sorry to hear that your ex is giving you such a hard time, I would assume to say he did not know how good he had it with you until it was too late. I am so happy you have moved on and found someone else to make your life and the lifes of your children happy. If your ex keeps acting this way, he is only going to make it harder on your sons which at this point is really not good for children. I am glad you came here to vent and hopefully all will work out. Keep us posted we do care peace for now. Catherine

It sounds like both you and your husband are making the kids be your pawns.

So what if he calls a million times per day? Stay out of it. He'll get tired of it sooner or later. Or, the kids will decide on their own not to answer the phone every time he calls. Let it play out on its own. That way, you won't put the kids in the middle of your fight.

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If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

I've lived through this with my brother trying to meld his/hers along with jealousy issues, money issues, attention issues, visitation issues, family vacation issues/you name it issues.

It usually doesn't work until both sides realize that it's not all about them (as much as they claim it's not). It's also not all about the "kidlets" (shoot, where did you now come up with that term?) unless you can be fair and unbiased.

Once my brother started to work on seeing things as in how he'd like to be treated, it took a little bit more of a positive turn. For instance, right after a hurricane with significant damage, they went to another relative's about an hour away for the amenities they still had. He called mom and I to let us know they were fine and where they were. In the conversation, I said I'll let you go so you can call "X" to let him know the kids are ok. He said he had absolutely no intention of calling "X" .....telling me that the children were with him and they were fine, everything was fine.

I said, but if it were the other way and the children were with "X", wouldn't your wife want to know they were fine? Wouldn't she expect and demand a phone call to know? Of course the answer was yes.

I am trying to say in this instance, perhaps it wasn't your decision to take their phones/change the numbers and you can perhaps expect the same from him. Phones can be shut off, turned down, put on vibrate, or ignored, they don't have to be the center of attention. I am trying to say there are other ways to look at your current irritation about the phones.

dl

Until parents emotionally divorce, the children suffer.

by and large, I am emotionally divorced from him. I don't contact him unless necessary. When the boys were with him for the summer, I would call or text and ask how they were, tell them I love them and respond appropriately when they would tell me what they had been doing.

The issues really started when the boys would not talk to their father on the phone when he called. I have encouraged the boys to talk to their dad at every opportunity. I have encouraged their father to call. I have encouraged their father to spend time with the boys. I have talked up their father as best I could.

The ugliness started when he began texting " are you guys home?" "where are you?" "what are you doing?" when he couldn't reach the boys on the house phone. It was intrusive and distracting for the kids. All I asked was that he just hang on and I'd have the boys call when they weren't busy. You would have though I had killed someone based on his response.

Their father is controlling, abusive and jealous. He is angry that I have been able to survive w/o him and am happy. He is threatened by the fact that the boys are developing a relationship with my significant other. He has done and will do anything to control every situation.

If the X would "play by the rules", then it would be easier. But there in lies the problem--he knows more than everyone else, and for some reason the rules do not apply to him.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

As an uninvested observer who only reads your "my Ex sucks" posts with the hope you are doing okay, I see things differently. It doesn't matter what I or anyone else thinks, but your posts hardly tell me the tale of someone who professes to be the evolved person you profess to be.

Whether you want to believe it or not, most posters who address this post are concerned with how the children are being used. We only have what you write to base our opinions upon. If we are wrong, our misjudgments are based upon your writings.

Good luck

ITA with everything you just said.

If I never had to deal w/ the X, or if the X would play by the rules---I would not be frustrated. I am exasperated that he doesn't want to play fair.

Example: he called me on a Wed. to complain that the children were behaving horribly and he couldn't handle them anymore. I said "well, why don't they just come home? We can meet on Sunday, and I can bring them home". He just went off the wall---yelling at me that the kids would come home when HE was ready, and not a minute sooner. I calmly said ok. Late Friday nite of that same week--X emails me and says "I'm going to be @ the meeting spot on Sunday @ noon, be there to get the boys". I advised him that I couldn't be there @ noon, as I had made some plans(because he had been so adamant in the earlier communication about them NOT coming home) but could be there between 2-230. Well, that brought out the comments about how I wasn't willing to give up my "plans" for my children. I compromised and agreed to 130. SO and I got to the meeting spot @130---X didn't get there until 2.

He skipped the entire month of July's child support. When I asked him if he intended to pay it---he told me that it was none of my concern!

I sent receipts to him for medical bills on the kids a month ago. He has yet to pay them.
I paid the full amount of the bills, so it's money he owes me. He told me when he got around to it....

Oldest went to Orthodontist (sp). He has to have an expander. The provider doesn't bill insurance, but will provide the appropriate paperwork so I can submit it. I was explaining how the billing/payment was explained to me by the provider---X told me to shut up. Then told me "YOU need to find someone that will bill insurance! YOU need to start calling around and making some appointments..." I advised him that I was happy w/ the provider, I didn't have time to be calling every orthodontist in town (I do have to work, and care/provide for the kids...).

When he called me early in the summer to tell me his dad had had a heart attack, and was doing poorly, and his mom was afraid that this was "the one"---I told the X that he needed to take the boys to Arkansas to see their grandfather. Even though I did not want him to take them, because I was afraid he wouldn't bring them back.

When his SO emailed me to tell me that she was teaching the boys to cross-stitch, I replied w/ enthusiasm and thanked her.

I have encouraged the X to spend time w/ the kids (when he lived in town--he lives 4 hours away). I told him he could have the kids anytime he wanted. I would contact him and ask if he wanted the boys. I encouraged the boys to talk to their dad. I explained to the boys that their dad was trying to be a different person and would welcome talking to them.

I have tried....I have been accommodating and agreeable. I really wanted to facilitate a relationship between the kids and their father. He's made it difficult because he just has not stepped up.

When the kids came home, they told me (without any prompting or questioning) that their Dad had put the SO and her son before them. And when the X told me that it was the boys' fault that the SO's son chose to go visit his father, and that was why he was sending them home, I got the same impression--he was more concerned with her and her child, than he was with his own kids. He had this discussion with me with the children sitting there and on speaker phone.

I want more than anything for the X to be a "daddy" and not just a "father"...

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Marilyn again I sincerely hope and pray all goes well with you and your sons and that your ex and you may be able to work out all problems while I have not been through this I only know it must be terribly hard for all concernced and involved. Peace. Catherine

I would have the phones shut off when you are out and doing things with the boys. There is no need for children to be tied to a phone. Cell phones serve a purpose but I can't stand to see kids out walking and texting, they can't do anything without the cell.
Good luck.

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Sometimes the elevator often the shaft