I haven't seen one of my closest friends in eight years, though we've kept in touch. (We live about 8 hours from each other now) She just found out her son has less than two months to live, due to a chronic medical condition. I've offered to come, but she wants to spend a few weeks with him by herself, then have friends and family come if they wish.

In the meantime, I'm at a complete loss of what to say, what to offer...I can't imagine losing a child and I just feel lost. My heart breaks for her, and I love her son, too. I just don't know what to do and though I know it's impossible for me to ease her grief, I want to give whatever support I can and don't know where to start.

Continue to be her friend. If you can make the trip for a visit, plan it for well after his death. Many will want to do in this time frame, but she's right. She needs the time with him and her family. People will be falling all over her now and the time of his death. You can be the one to remember her when all that trails off.

Mail her a card periodically. Also a book, some kind of gift certificate, etc so she knows you are thinking of her. Just continue to be her friend and be there for her.

dl

Yes just be her friend. Let her be herself let her grieve. Talk to her about all things unless she steers the conversation back to her son. I think helping with every day things would be good when people are going through something horrible little things get left left undone. You might clean her house, make the family dinner, run errands, buy groceries, etc.
In my opinion I would offer to come and visit and see how she feels about it. If no visit is wanted or possible then call her as often as you think it would be helpful.
I agree that cards and GCs would be helpful.

I am sorry your friend is going through this.

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Omg dear this is so very sad like you I am lost for words. May no one ever ever had to lose a child I cannot even imagine the thought. I am happy you are back in touch with your friend and the best advice is to be there when she needs you . Sending cards is wonderful and too bad you did not live closer because meals would be a great help at this time. Just continue to be there for her when or however she needs you . May god bless this entire family and kindly keep us posted so dearly sorry. Peace . Catherine

This is just so tragic. I can tell you what meant the most to me when I was caring for my mom and she was terminally ill. I just allowed close family at the end because that was her choice.

1) People who didn't come by sent cards. Some sent cards every single day. That helped at night having those to open.

2) Some would ask me "what can I do?" and since I didn't know what I say, I'd say "nothing, but thanks." However there were people who didn't ask, they knocked on the door and said "here is xxx I bought for you at the grocery" or "I made an extra pan of lasagna." There was one lady who gave me GC's, and another who came by and cleaned the house. They never entered the area of my home where my mom was either. Never said "how is she today?" because it was the exact same answer for me, which was "close to dying."

3) The night my mother did pass, people knew it was near and aunts, cousins and others had gathered in the living room while the immediate family was in the room with mom. When it was all over, as everyone left I remember my husband saying three of the most important words to me ever. "Let it out." Not "shhhhh, it's okay" but just simply, "Let it out." Believe it or not, it felt so good to hear that.

Hope this helps a little. I'm so sorry for her loss, I can't imagine.

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Catt
~ Mirror Mirror on the wall, I am my mother - after all! ~