I admit that I am a dinosaur when it comes to texting; I don't do it/don't know how to do it. I am a person who rarely uses the cell phone.

I get it that young people love to text and it has become the favored way to communicate. My observation is that can become quite the obsession at the expense of normal relationships. My dd is a freshman at college this year. She always had a track phone that was running out of minutes. Before she went to school, I got her a call phone with unlimited texting. She has a great group of friends who were heading out in different directions and I wanted to be sure she could stay in touch with them. Also, a boyfriend who was now going to be three hours away. I am beginning to regret it

When I went to pay her bill, quite by accident I found her texting history. I was floored. She is texting throughout the day, at least a couple hundred times. Apparently during classes, starting at 5 am sometimes, about 95% of it with the boyfriend. They seem to carry on a running conversation all day. I have talked to several people with kids her age and they all tell me this is par for the course.

She has told us that she doesn't feel 'connected' at school yet, and has failed to follow through on several activities or events that should told us she was going to try. Saw her yesterday when she came home for a family event and tried to make a connection in her mind between the amount of texting she is doing and her adjustment problem. She doesn't think the two issues are related, and I repeated my concerns. I really believe the texting is contributing to the issue, rather than a symptom of it as it has been going on since day one. Meanwhile at this event yesterday, it was a beautiful day and all the young people were sitting around with their cellphones in hand reading and responding to texts.

I am going to continue to monitor this situation. It is early in the semester, and she tells me she likes her roommate and her classes. She has 6 friends from high school that she is with at her college. I know that some adjustment is in order. I am just a little heartsick that this tool I am paying for to keep in touch with friends is having a negative effect instead. I am afraid that some day soon our young people will not be able to think a thought bigger or more profound than the length of the average text.

I can't really help you except to say I agree that texting constantly with someone who is not there keeps you alienated from those around you.
It'll be interesting to see what develops with the next generation.

__________________
The political system is broke and it's a joke.

I think you are very intuitive and have formed a hypothesis that could be proved - if someone would do the research project. We are no longer a "touch" group, we are a "tech" group and it's showing in personal and professional relationships and interactions ( or lack thereof ).

In part, maybe your dd is hanging onto that which is familiar to her, which I understand. However, she really needs to live this time in her life on campus, with the new friends, surroundings, and schedules. I look back on my college days and am very glad I could put myself through and have all of the experiences that come with it.

People don't know when to shut off or ignore their devices. None of them are necessary and yet if people don't have their cell, blackberry, laptop, etc they panic. I laugh on the airplane how many flip them on as soon ( or sooner ) as the captain allows. I don't laugh when I am in a store or office and the employee is ignoring me because of personal use. It has become an expected thing and it's not all that good!

Goodl luck with your dd easing into the college experience.

dl

You might want to discuss w/ your DD limiting access during particular hours. Some cell phone providers will allow you to block use of texting between xx time and xx time. Might be drastic measure, but might be a short-term solution.

I like texting. It allows me to stay in touch w/ certain people in situations when I normally couldn't. I am often required to be present via telephone for mediations. I usually don't say anything other than "I am here", and then mute myself---then the attorneys argue it out. I can text during the mediation without it intruding or being a distraction. I'm on the phone constantly for work--it's nothing for me to be talking on the phone, answering a work email, and answering a text.

Texting does not consume my day. Some days I text more than others. Some day I hardly text at all. SO and I always text to tell each other good morning. Since we don't live together, we don't see each other in the morning. And it's inconvenient for both of us to be talking on the phone.

__________________
Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I am curious to know why it's inconvenient to be talking on the phone. I am not trying to be intrusive, this seems to follow what I brought up........touch vs. tech. And if it's a work related inconvenience to talk on the phone, then I think it would be for texting too. Work is work. Just wondering.

dl

couple of reasons--conversations, be they work or not, carry and can be distracting. Both of us work in an enviroment where we have to multi-task. Besides that: it's usually just a 4-6 text exchange that takes up a minute, where as a phone call would last longer. I can actually work and text at the same time. If I'm on the phone with him, my attention is on him (he has an extremely attractive, sexy voice!)

Came back to add: SO and I see each other and talk just about every night. So, yes we talk/communicate face-to-face. The texting is just a supplement to the communication. For example: he shoots pool in a league. And typically he is in a bar type atmosphere (loud)--he can text me in that atmosphere without having to go outside. He could call--but he'd have to go outside, or I wouldn't be able to hear him. It is a convenient way for us to let the other know what's going on--like he wants to stop by after pool, or that I'm feeling like crap and going to bed, or that one of our friends won the tournament they were shooting in, etc.

If someone were to go over my texting bill (have unlimited texting) they would probably think that is the only way I communicate! LOL

__________________
Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

This is a great subject and I am with you as far as feeling like a dinosaur when it comes to texting. I don't do it either, nor my kids. Right now, only my high schooler has a cell phone and she has a cap on how many minutes she can use monthly (which she only went over one time and she had to pay). We do not have texting as part of our plan. I take the position of "what's the point?" and I do think that this texting option is almost teaching our kids that they must have that kind of stimulation all the time. Have you ever just watched a kid who had some downtime? It seems they constantly check their phone; checking for messages or sending a text out of boredom (ADD syndrome) I honestly don't get it, and the repercussions of having a technological toy at a kids constant disposal is hurting our kids, I think.

__________________
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

Okay here are my personal views. I literally do not like the cell phone yes it is good for emergencies, I use it only for my children, my husband, my parents and my father in law. All other calls can wait. I do not text and do not plan to a simple phone call is enough, we have gotten so lazy now we cannot even talk. I truly feel besides emergencies and calling the most important people in our lives is the only reason I need a cell phone. I think the usage of them has gotten way out of hand, especially driving and talking and texting and then when your in a public place and someone is talking complete nothing for the whole store to hear your business. As far as teenagers I know I have one left and yes sadly they cannot live without those cell phones all the kids do and the texting as gotten way out of hand. Again personally for me my youngest is 18 and for them it is what they have grown up with honestly they cannot live without their cell phones and texting. Again not for me at all. Good luck with your daughter . Peace. Catherine

When I read you post this morning, my first thought was that they really missed each other. My friend's son and his girlfriend went to separate schools the first year. She transfered to his school and they married the following summer. My DD and her boyfriend went to separate schools. They did a lot of texting and visited each other once a month. They broke up before the following summer. Just something to think about, but how serious is it between DD and the boyfriend. it could be that they love each other more than they thought and really miss each other. On the other hand could he be the jealous type and want to know every single thing that she does.
I don't think that it is necessarily a texting issue but more of a relationship issue. Only your DD really can tell you for sure and it is all about balance in life.

surely shes talking to others and not just texting. I'd be more worried about texting in class, some professors can be pretty testy and not go for that at all during their time. high school they just take away the phone for the day. college can get you kicked out of class



Adding that I have a 17, 12, 7, and 5 year old and none of them have a cell, exceot my 17 year old has a pay as you go phone that he only has when he's out with friends to contact me

__________________
Books just wanna be FREE! See what I mean at:
http://bookcrossing.com

My other favorites
www.paperbackswap.com
www.wheresgeorge.com
www.geocaching.com

That's another reason car manufactures are making driverless cars.

Did you hear/see the news where Audi was testing one of their new driverless cars in Colorado, and the helicopter filming it crashed?

Is her college FREE?!?

DD and boyfriend have known each other for years, been dating about 6 months or so. Seems to me that they went 'head over heels' right before he left for college. Decided that they will not see other people at college.
He was over one day before they left for their schools when I was reading a great article warning college students not to stay in their rooms and interact with people on their cell phones, skype, and Face book when they should be out experiencing college life. They both agreed it was a good article and they would be mindful of the issue.
Dh and I have decided to stage a texting intervention and lay down the following rules: absolutely no texting during classes and no texting before 6 am. Texting late does not appear to be a problem, though I think they are probably skyping in the evenings. I hope she will respect our feelings on this without having to play the 'we are paying for your school and cell-phone" card' We have always been adamant about being respectful and attentive to your teachers, so the texting during class really peeves me. DD did very well with academic scholarships so we are paying very little towards her education this year, but they are all one-time only awards and we are getting no financial aid, so beginning next year we pay big-time.

I am hoping to resolve this issue amicably with her. She tends to be very unreceptive to advice and especially criticism. Communication is a little tricky when we are separated like this.

treading on thin ice, she is in college and you play the "we're paying the cell" she'll play "I'm an adult not living at home" you stop paying the bill and it'll be less calls home she'll make to you

__________________
Books just wanna be FREE! See what I mean at:
http://bookcrossing.com

My other favorites
www.paperbackswap.com
www.wheresgeorge.com
www.geocaching.com

ITA. Your daughter is in college. She is not in grade school. I think you have to learn to pick and choose your battles. I honestly do not believe you should be going over her texting bill with a fine tooth comb. This is first semester. Until you see poor grades or such, leave her alone. She's an adult now. Until you have just cause to question the cell phone usage for texting, etc. let this be.

I guess I'm the differing opinion here. I don't see the issue. I was opposed to texting at first and when my daughter first got her cell phone, we didn't get texting either. However, it didn't take long to realize that is how teens communicate now. If they don't have texting, they are being left out of stuff - ie: mass text to get together, hang out or just keeping in touch. She sends out texts when she's stuck on homework to see who can help. The soccer coach communicates with the teams using texts...ie: cancelled practices, game info, etc.

I text with them now. I love it, though I don't do it near as much as they do - I have an older phone that's kind of a pain. It seems every generation thinks the younger generation is ruining their lives somehow. It's the way they communicate now. My girls text a lot, have a lot of friends and a great social life. They get a long with people great in person or electronically.

I don't know. I just think they should be able to be kids and fit in with the others. It's such a huge deal to them and withholding texting seems like such a trivial battle to me, especially if they're good kids with good grades. There are other things that are so much more important to control or be involved with. Our kids do have limits - they are not allowed to text during meals, it's against the law (to text or talk on the cell phone when under 21) when they're driving and she doesn't (only one of my daughters can drive without me at this point), late at night on school nights, stuff like that.

Just my opinion...but my girls are well-rounded, good kids with great grades, a lot of friends and text a lot!

Lisa

__________________
"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

Texting does not bother me. I actually text most every day. I see no harm, I still talk to people all day long. Even if I didn't, not hurting anyone.

__________________
"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream."

John Lennon

College age seems too old for you to be monitoring her cell phone usage and her social interactions in general. You need to let her figure this out for herself. Besides, if you put limits on the cell phone, she'll just use other means. If it were me, I'd have a college age kid pay his/her own cell phone bill. Pay-as-you-go is a lot cheaper than a monthly plan and it would make her limit her texting.

__________________
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

Again for personally I only use the cell phone for emergencies and if I need to get a hold of the most important people in my life I like knowing I can call them and reach them in a moment if I need to. As far as texting for me no way I rather talk to the person . I do agree it is very out of hand with kids and teenagers, however like I mentioned my daughter Caitlin is dorming in New York City and how much she talks and texts is her business and I know she does, however we are also paying for her education and if the matter ever came to her grades we would be dearly upset but there is no way I could creep over her calls or texts she is an adult and if she does something wrong you want to be an adult then there are adult consqences for her actions. The true concern of course would be if she had a controlling boyfriend and or if she was receiving threathing comments then we as parents would want to know . If not then again she is 18 and in college I cannot watch her 24/7. Peace. Catherine

DD does have a pay as you go cell phone plan. It has unlimited texting and data, and 300 calling minutes per month. She is paying for all her books and spending money this year, as well as for a seasonal ski pass. I am sure that these expenses will exhaust her savings.
DH and I went ahead and skype-messaged DD telling her we believed a texting intervention was in order. DD called us when she got the message to suggest that we video skype about the issue.
Turns out all the early morning texting was actually listed in Pacific time three hours earlier than our actual EST. So the texting was really starting about 8 am. We thought it was too bizarre that they were awake and texting at 4:30 or 5 am when neither of them had a class before 9. And that was part of our worry that something was really wrong. She thought the misunderstanding about the texting times was quite funny.
She was very receptive and agreeable to the no texting during class rule. We presented it to her as a request and she said she could live with it.
I am not of the mind that once a certain page is turned on a calendar or a child is dropped of at a dorm that a hands off approach is the way to go. DD approached us with an adjustment issue. It took only a cursory exam of the texting log to form our opinion that the texting was excessive. We also formed an opinion that the texting was problematic. I don't think asking my brand-new college freshman not to text during class and to think about whether her level of texting is affecting her adjustment in her new environment is being overbearing. I think that pursuing this issue with her has been a postive experience.