OKay long story short, it has always been a family tradition for me and my husband and our children to sleep a little later, we all help cook breakfest. Then we go into the den and sit around the fireplace and open gifts. We put the christmas music on and its very lovely just us, as we all know in a few years to come things will change. OKay we also have the tradition of each person opens up one gift and we all look and keep going round and round, no hurries. OKay here is the problem this year I am doing a full christmas dinner and my sister and brother in law want to have dinner served at 2 p.m.. Yikes I am getting so stressed out by this so today my husband told his brother then 4 p.m. would be a more reasonable time, and now they are upset. Okay what would you do in this suituation. Thanks for any help I need it lol. Catherine

You are the one preparing dinner and having them over to your home. The time should be what is convenient to you. You shouldn't have to rush. I would never want to eat dinner that early. I think that having them come over at 4:00-4:30 is reasonable. If that's not good for them, then they shouldn't come. I'd just be straight up with them and tell them that 2:00 isn't going to work for you. ~Lisa

If you are the host, you choose the time.......Same with leftovers, if you do not dish them, you get what I give you..... gravy on top and all!

It's your house and your schedule.

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-Kristi

Thanks anyone you see me and my husband and the kids always enjoyed our christmas tradition and I will not miss out on that, so much as changed since my mother in law passed away 10 years ago, they always hosted christmas day and dinner was at 6 p.m.. Well like I said my husband gave them the time so we will see. I already plan on getting my turkey and stuffing cooked and a ham with the bone in it, they will be cooked from a really delicious store that has excellent food for our guests. I also plan on making all the side dishes really early this way, it will not interfere with our christmas tradition and finally I will have the dining table all set 2 days before. The more I can do ahead of time will make life easier. Thanks everyone so far. Catherine

We do a slow and quiet Christmas morning as well. I have never understood the running around people do, but to each their own.

I would hold tight to your traditions and say 4pm is what it is.

Good luck!

Thanks so much nightowlrn , you so right and that is what we feel, after all the rushing in the stores and shopping we like to kick back and relax and enjoy each other and the gifts and to be just us a family for it will change soon. Even with all the side dishes and 2 different salads and some baking the day before there is so much to do. What is the rush, we will see only time will tell, thanks again. Catherine

I agree your house your choice. I also hate all the running around on Christmas Day, but wouldn't never upset my mother by not showing up for lunch. It was always a let down to come home Christmas night because with all the running I felt as if I had missed Christmas. When I remarried we started our own tradition "around" everyone elses, we still get up and do all the running and eating with all the family. When we come home Christmas night we have our own Christmas by waiting till then to open our presents. Now I really get to enjoy the family, and still have my Christmas with being rushed.

It is YOUR home, YOU set the time. If your BIL and SIL can't make 4PM, then perhaps next year will be different?

The holidays are stressful enough without trying to bend over backwards trying to please people.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

Same here. When DH and I first got married, we (mostly me, really) tried to please the in-laws and go with their wishes. Well, that first year blew that one right out of the water. We drove from VA to West Palm Beach, FL. MIL had a "woe is me" melt down on XMAS morning as we were headed out to drive to Miami, only to have to turn around that afternoon and head to Orlando to spend time with my family that had from over from England. The oven in Miami cut off and an (cold snap in FL and they rationed power) so, we wound up not eating dinner there.....MIL kept saying "oh, can't you stay just a LITTLE bit longer??" I had to put my foot down. Then, to Orlando we drove....already WAY later than we had planned, and missed dinner there, too. It was the worst XMAS we have had, aside from the one where we stayed in a skanky motel and 3mo. DD got sick, wound up in ER. Again, bending to the wishes of others. No more!!!

I agree, stick to your traditions!!!

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

Your dinner, your hours! Why would the in laws think they can just barge on in and change your traditions? That's pretty goofy if you ask me! Do they have to be somewhere else or something, or need to be on the road at a certain time maybe, or catch a flight out? Any time I'm going to someone else's house for a dinner, they decide when and I show up...that's just the way it's supposed to be.

To tell you ladies the truth, it would be just fine it we all stayed in our p.j's opened up some gifts, sat around the fireplace, had the christmas music playing and having it snow outside and looking at the christmas tree just the five of us. That would be just fine with all of us, I totally agree the holidays are way too stressful and to much rush and the malls and the stores. My eldest daughter who will be 25 does not live at home, she lives in the city with her boyfriend , however he is going to his family for the early part of the day and she will be sleeping in her old room. I am looking so forward to it. I also think back to when we were younger and how special it was when it was just the 6 of us , for sure those memories will forever will in my heart . My husband seems to think , they will call and stay they will not make it, because they want the 2 p.m. dinner , so only time will tell. Blessings in this holiday season. Catherine

You could always tell the visiting family that you'd love for them to stop by at the time they'd like to see you - 2:00? Of course, you're sorry that they'll be missing dinner, since that won't be served until evening...

Unless you prefer to hang out in your PJ's into the early afternoon - in that case, don't even offer "visiting hours" at 2:00.

I think most visitors wouldn't be so forward to express dissatisfaction with your dinner hour, unless they thought they could influence you, so I agree with all posters above - don't budge with the dinner hour on this one!

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"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

I agree - and Cathrine didn't really go into great detail about what they said, but it may be that they have another commitment with family members on their 'other side' that make 4:00 a time that just won't work. They may have said, "We'd love to get together - we really miss getting to see you on Christmas day like we used to. Unfortunately, 4:00 won't work on our end - Joe's grandma is in the nursing home and they are having a little party with her from 4:00 - 6:00, and since this may be her last Christmas we hate to not go. If you end up pushing it up to around 2:00 we'd love to be there. Otherwise, we'll probably have to pass."

Anyway... I agree that most visitors wouldn't be so forward as to express their dissatisfaction with the time of an invitation. That's why I think how it was worded on both ends (the invitation and their response) may not have been fully presented to us. (Not that you are being deceptive, Catherine - just that you may not have fully explained.) If Catherine's DH said, "How about 4:00? Would that work or is there a time that's better for you guys?" and they said, "Hmmm... we'll probably have a late breakfast at around 10:00 on Christmas morning, so 2:00 might work better...".......

Without those details we really can't know for sure if they were being pushy or if they were under the impression that it was kind of an open-ended, 'it's just us so there is some room for flexibility' invitation.

Wowitsdark I am dearly sorry, the reason they want the early dinner, is they always have and are a early family. Well let me explain further they have 3 sons one is 24 he is living in the city like my eldest. Then they have 2 younger sons one is 21 and the other is 18, they both attend the same college in Rhode Island. However they will be coming over for the holidays. Okay from the beginning since I have been in this Family they always as a family went to bed very early, got up very early , ate dinner very early. Now when we have gone to their home, it was always a problem because of the time. Now because he my brother in law Paul was hosting it would have to be on his time. Honestly they say all the time they are sleeping by 8:30 or 9.m the latest. Now I can understand, but for special occassions and holidays and parties, you can let loose a little. So that is the reason, because they are up at 5:30 A.M.. I am dearly sorry I forgot to mention the reason behind the early requested dinner. Blessings in this holiday season. Catherine

So basically it is only because they want to eat at 2 and for no other REAL reason. I'd certain think if they eat at 4:00 surely they can make it to bed by 8:30! HA!

This is exactly what I meant in my post about being a guest at your own holiday. Five or six years ago we had the same situation and I told them we were taking the morning to be together, just us, and it annoyed some family members. So we offered them either the day before or the day after, but I didn't budge at all on the time I wanted for my family. Make no mistake, it was hard. But I figure it this way; when all is said and done at the end of the day, it's making the family I live with happy and not the people who visit.

Or as my husband says in his infinite wisdom, "let them get mad, they'll get glad again!"

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Catt
~ Mirror Mirror on the wall, I am my mother - after all! ~