Since my thread about my dd Hope dating a older man was closed I will continue here

[ILUVLUCY420]

Please lets not fight many ladies and I sincerely thank you had some really honest and clear thoughts so thanks for that. To GG please do not take this personal, I am with you on the idea, that if they are happy a couple, adult couples not a 17 year old and a 50 year old man, I would clearly not approve and would be upset. Now you say your dd is dating someone 40 years older, that would be a concern for me , as I thinking of down the line in the future, for me personally nothing againist you, but 40 years would be really a huge age difference. However perhaps I am wrong in my belief, and your dd has the right to choice whom she wants to date. But as a mom to all my children and this would apply to all of them 40 years would be too much a age difference. But thanks GG for your input sincerely thank you. Catherine

[groovygirl]

Originally Posted by ILUVLUCY420

Please lets not fight many ladies and I sincerely thank you had some really honest and clear thoughts so thanks for that. To GG please do not take this personal, I am with you on the idea, that if they are happy a couple, adult couples not a 17 year old and a 50 year old man, I would clearly not approve and would be upset. Now you say your dd is dating someone 40 years older, that would be a concern for me , as I thinking of down the line in the future, for me personally nothing againist you, but 40 years would be really a huge age difference. However perhaps I am wrong in my belief, and your dd has the right to choice whom she wants to date. But as a mom to all my children and this would apply to all of them 40 years would be too much a age difference. But thanks GG for your input sincerely thank you. Catherine

You really should not have started another. You got more than enough opinions and it was just getting silly, but whatever.....SHE IS NOT DATING HIM and if she decides to do so, it would matter if it was too much for me, because she is grown and as long as SHE is happy, I am happy. It would not work for myself, because I like younger men. It is not my life, though.

[ILUVLUCY420]

GG again please no harm feelings I just wanted to keep my original thread going to update all the ladies from the turn-out from the dinner we are having at his apartment in Manhattan on this Saturday evening. Again no hard feelings, personal choice as you say, for me I prefer older men if I had to ever date. Catherine

[devinmom]

Originally Posted by groovygirl

You really should not have started another. You got more than enough opinions and it was just getting silly, but whatever.....SHE IS NOT DATING HIM and if she decides to do so, it would matter if it was too much for me, because she is grown and as long as SHE is happy, I am happy. It would not work for myself, because I like younger men. It is not my life, though.

GG, Perhaps your daughter would actually date him if she realized how encouraging and open to this you are.

If you care to share the other thread with your daughter, it might be eye-opening for her...

However, I'm in agreement with Mamarajum - I'd remove your grand-daughter's picture - it is somewhat disturbing that her cute little image is being tied to your attention-seeking posts.

Catherine - enjoy your dinner with your daughter's boyfriend's family. I think you're doing the right thing by going to dinner and meeting the parents. You're being supportive of your daughter - not necessarily of the situation.

[ILUVLUCY420]

To Devinsmom thanks for the kind words, I am being supportive of the realtionship because I feel, the age difference is really not a big difference, also my daughter will be a 25 year woman, who is indepentent, lives on her own, has a great job and truly responsible, but as still being her mom, I will always worry, about anything that goes on in her life and my other two children as well. Again have to say she is radiant in her conversations to me, when speaking of him and so far the few times we have been in James company, he has been a total gentleman to our daughter. Again thanks so much for all the into in this suituation. Catherine

[Crittles1]

Whoa. I had to go back and read the other thread to see what all the fuss was about. Alrighty,
Groovy Girl, you are getting pretty defensive over over a casual relationship between your daughter and an older man. If they want to see each other as a couple, that would be their decision and they're both adults. You brought it up, and yes there is quite an age gap, but that's their business. Your daughter may be attracted to a father figure type and that is fine. Really, don't be ultra sensitive about her business and trying to defend her decisions. As long as it is beneficial for her and her daughter, it is all good.

[sawsadsam]

Catherine from what all you have stated, I wouldn't be too worried. In this day and time, it sounds like a very positive situation for both. If at some time it looks like they are planning to make it permanent, I would discuss with her the possibility that she could wind up as his caregiver. But in reality, it would still be their decision. If she is is as level headed as you have said she will make the decision that is right for her and that is what matters.

I see so many BAD relationships everyday that I can't condemn two people just because of an age difference. Age seems somewhat irrelevant when I think about the dynamics of a relationship.

[groovygirl]

Originally Posted by devinmom

GG, Perhaps your daughter would actually date him if she realized how encouraging and open to this you are.

If you care to share the other thread with your daughter, it might be eye-opening for her...

However, I'm in agreement with Mamarajum - I'd remove your grand-daughter's picture - it is somewhat disturbing that her cute little image is being tied to your attention-seeking posts.

Catherine - enjoy your dinner with your daughter's boyfriend's family. I think you're doing the right thing by going to dinner and meeting the parents. You're being supportive of your daughter - not necessarily of the situation.

Last I checked, I am also grown and I am not going to remove my babies picture because you are disturbed,,,,,in more ways than one, I guess. Live your life and I will live mine. Oh, and as far as her seeing this......she sat and read it and laughed with me. She knows and has always known that I support her in whatever she does.She knows exactly how I feel, that I have some concerns(mostly(mostly about the baby) but I trust her,and respect her.

[deddlastt]

Originally Posted by groovygirl

Last I checked, I am also grown and I am not going to remove my babies picture because you are disturbed,,,,,in more ways than one, I guess. Live your life and I will live mine. Oh, and as far as her seeing this......she sat and read it and laughed with me. She knows and has always known that I support her in whatever she does.She knows exactly how I feel, that I have some concerns(mostly(mostly about the baby) but I trust her,and respect her.

You're grown physically, however you haven't matured and you can't discuss issues rationally. Here we have a supposed teacher whose posts contain errors (minimally babies should have been baby's,) and constantly exhibits a questionable throught process and personal conduct.

Each time you post, it's laughable, but in reality, sad.

dl

[KellyJef]

Originally Posted by Crittles1

Your daughter may be attracted to a father figure type...................

Actually, FORTY YEARS older makes him a GRANDFATHER figure, not a father figure

[groovygirl]

Originally Posted by deddlastt

You're grown physically, however you haven't matured and you can't discuss issues rationally. Here we have a supposed teacher whose posts contain errors (minimally babies should have been baby's,) and constantly exhibits a questionable throught process and personal conduct.

Each time you post, it's laughable, but in reality, sad.

dl

It's called a typo, idiot! I am not a supposed teacher, I am a teacher and that has nothing to do with the topic here. If you are seeking company for your misery......look at someone else.

[groovygirl]

Originally Posted by KellyJef

Actually, FORTY YEARS older makes him a GRANDFATHER figure, not a father figure

Actually, it makes him her friend.

[deddlastt]

Originally Posted by groovygirl

It's called a typo, idiot! I am not a supposed teacher, I am a teacher and that has nothing to do with the topic here. If you are seeking company for your misery......look at someone else.

Not only am I dumb, now I am an idiot. You are so eloquent and all knowing.

A typo is a once in a while thing, mistake, oversight. Not knowing the difference between babies and baby's shows a lack of education and conveys how you conduct yourself without making an effort to be respected. Babies means more than one and you only have one in your avatar. Baby's is possesive, meaning your avatar. Since you are in the education system, I find it pathetic your skills are lacking, and sadly, that you don't have any concern about it.

An educated, rational person would present more than 5 year old vocabulary name calling and offer points.

dl

[groovygirl]

Originally Posted by deddlastt

Not only am I dumb, now I am an idiot. You are so eloquent and all knowing.

A typo is a once in a while thing, mistake, oversight. Not knowing the difference between babies and baby's shows a lack of education and conveys how you conduct yourself without making an effort to be respected. Babies means more than one and you only have one in your avatar. Baby's is possesive, meaning your avatar. Since you are in the education system, I find it pathetic your skills are lacking, and sadly, that you don't have any concern about it.

An educated, rational person would present more than 5 year old vocabulary name calling and offer points.

dl

I know the difference, IDIOT. It was early, and I was rushing. Do you really think you have provided information that I don't know....really? You really are worse off than I thought you were.

[groovygirl]

Originally Posted by deddlastt

You're grown physically, however you haven't matured and you can't discuss issues rationally. Here we have a supposed teacher whose posts contain errors (minimally babies should have been baby's,) and constantly exhibits a questionable throught process and personal conduct.

Each time you post, it's laughable, but in reality, sad.

dl

BTW....here are just a couple of your errors I have found. I am sure there are many more. " But we know better" You started a sentence with but. "The mere fact that you resorted to calling someone dumb, I pointed out she's not" I don't know what kind of mess this is. LOL

[deddlastt]

Still tipping the bottle this morning when you should be sharing your infinite wisdom with the younger generation?

dl

[groovygirl]

Originally Posted by deddlastt

Still tipping the bottle this morning when you should be sharing your infinite wisdom with the younger generation?

dl

Oh, I always have a few drinks while they are at PE...fruit cake!

[wowitsdark]

Originally Posted by groovygirl

BTW....here are just a couple of your errors I have found. I am sure there are many more. " But we know better" You started a sentence with but. "The mere fact that you resorted to calling someone dumb, I pointed out she's not" I don't know what kind of mess this is. LOL

Actually, according to Grammar Girl's Quick and Dirty Tips (I loooove Grammar Girl, which is admittedly a nerdy thing, but I am who I am), you *can* start a sentence with 'but'.

As an aside, it's also acceptable to start a sentence with coordinating conjunctions like and, but, and so. It's a somewhat informal style, and it's a good idea not to overdo it in business writing, but it's not wrong (7, 8, 9).

Starting a Sentence With "However" : Grammar Girl :: Quick and Dirty Tips ™

[groovygirl]

Originally Posted by wowitsdark

Actually, according to Grammar Girl's Quick and Dirty Tips (I loooove Grammar Girl, which is admittedly a nerdy thing, but I am who I am), you *can* start a sentence with 'but'.



Starting a Sentence With "However" : Grammar Girl :: Quick and Dirty Tips ™

Yes, it's sad that a lot of things have become acceptable (dumbed down) for people like her. It has also become okay to use loan as a verb, since so many people are too ignorant to realize it is a noun.

[wowitsdark]

Originally Posted by groovygirl

Yes, it's sad that a lot of things have become acceptable (dumbed down) for people like her. It has also become okay to use loan as a verb, since so many people are too ignorant to realize it is a noun.

Yikes.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but....

Loan | Define Loan at Dictionary.com

See entries 4-6.

[groovygirl]

Originally Posted by wowitsdark

Yikes.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but....

Loan | Define Loan at Dictionary.com

See entries 4-6.

Yes, it has not become acceptable. I did say that...??? You take out a loan and you lend someone money, but now it's okay.

[wowitsdark]

Originally Posted by groovygirl

Yes, it has not become acceptable. I did say that...??? You take out a loan and you lend someone money, but now it's okay.

Oh, my.

What time does school start there, by the way?

[annadrose]

So what is the past tense of lend? I "loaned" her $50 right? You don't say I "lended" her $50.

[groovygirl]

Originally Posted by annadrose

So what is the past tense of lend? I "loaned" her $50 right? You don't say I "lended" her $50.

lent....................

[wowitsdark]

By the way, Grammar Girl addresses your lend/loan issue, as well.

Loan versus Lend : Grammar Girl :: Quick and Dirty Tips ™

In traditional British usage, you are correct. In the American lexicon, either is permissible.

Loan and lend, in America, are therefore interchangeable when you’re talking about money, paintings, or other physical things. You can say you loaned someone money, loaned someone a pen, or loaned someone a Van Gogh masterpiece. You can also say you lent someone money, lent someone a pen, or lent someone the painting. You can’t, however, use the verb to loan when you’re talking in a figurative sense; you have to use to lend. For example, you could say, “The smoke lent an eerie feeling to the room” but not “The smoke loaned an eerie feeling to the room.” In this sense, lent means “gave” and loaned makes no sense at all. A famous Shakespeare line, from Julius Caesar, uses lend in a figurative sense: “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears.” I imagine the crowd of Romans would have laughed if Marc Antony had said, “Friends, Romans, countrymen, loan me your ears.”

Quick and Dirty Memory Tip:

The bottom line is that some American grammarians prefer that you only use loan as a noun, so if you know your writing will be read by a picky grammarian or persnickety professor, you might want to stick with lend as the verb. Otherwise, if you’re in North America, you can feel fine about using loan as a verb when you’re talking about physical objects.

You can remember that because the words loan and noun both have o's in them, and lend and verb both have e's in them. Loan, noun. Lend, verb.

[groovygirl]

Originally Posted by wowitsdark

By the way, Grammar Girl addresses your lend/loan issue, as well.

Loan versus Lend : Grammar Girl :: Quick and Dirty Tips ™

In traditional British usage, you are correct. In the American lexicon, either is permissible.

I already said what I said. Geez! Grammar girl must know it all, but I have read by more reputable sources that it hass only become acceptable, because so many people were using it that way.

[wowitsdark]

Language evolves.

Maybe I am just confused, but above you said that it has not become acceptable.

ETA: Yes, Grammar Girl does know it all. She is the best.

[groovygirl]

Originally Posted by wowitsdark

Language evolves.

Maybe I am just confused, but above you said that it has not become acceptable.

ETA: Yes, Grammar Girl does know it all. She is the best.

Another typo...I meant to say now. Grammar girl does not khnow it all, sorry.

[wowitsdark]

Are you responding from your phone? During class?

[dollydeal]

My 28 yr. old son currently lives in a house with an old woman.They work together.I don't know what their relationship is,never asked,but he's been living with her for a few years now.I never asked because it's none of my business.I could careless why he is with this old woman,as long as he is happy thats all that matters to me.

[groovygirl]

Originally Posted by dollydeal

My 28 yr. old son currently lives in a house with an old woman.They work together.I don't know what their relationship is,never asked,but he's been living with her for a few years now.I never asked because it's none of my business.I could careless why he is with this old woman,as long as he is happy thats all that matters to me.

Well, from what I am reading here. You should maybe be worried and not approve. I am still not clear on the limits. It seems that maybe 20 years is okay, 40 is not, and maybe since he is the younger one and the woman is older, it might be okay. This is just crazy. LOL!!!!

[dollydeal]

Originally Posted by groovygirl

Well, from what I am reading here. You should maybe be worried and not approve. I am still not clear on the limits. It seems that maybe 20 years is okay, 40 is not, and maybe since he is the younger one and the woman is older, it might be okay. This is just crazy. LOL!!!!

I agree.......!

[marilynk]

Ya' know? When I use to constantly post snippy, snarky, nasty, argumentative posts, I was a very unhappy and angry person. I thought that somehow it would make me feel better. Once things in my life changed for the better, I realized what a complete and utter fool I had made of myself.

Reading *some* people's posts in these two threads, I see some really unhappy and bitter people.

Either that, or those people are just not nice people and have some huge character flaws.

That being said: I question the motives of anyone dating a person where there is a 40 year age difference.
ILL's situation w/ her DD is not that bad. I fully understand how a man could reach 42, and finally be in a place to want to commit/have a relationship; and he just happened to meet someone a bit younger. Reflects on ILL's DD as being a very mature, responsible woman.

[dollydeal]

Originally Posted by KellyJef

Actually, FORTY YEARS older makes him a GRANDFATHER figure, not a father figure

My son has a very close relationship with his grandparents so I know thats not the reason in my sons case.He adores his grandma and grandpa.

[dollydeal]

Originally Posted by marilynk

Ya' know? When I use to constantly post snippy, snarky, nasty, argumentative posts, I was a very unhappy and angry person. I thought that somehow it would make me feel better. Once things in my life changed for the better, I realized what a complete and utter fool I had made of myself.

Reading *some* people's posts in these two threads, I see some really unhappy and bitter people.

Either that, or those people are just not nice people and have some huge character flaws.

That being said: I question the motives of anyone dating a person where there is a 40 year age difference.
ILL's situation w/ her DD is not that bad. I fully understand how a man could reach 42, and finally be in a place to want to commit/have a relationship; and he just happened to meet someone a bit younger. Reflects on ILL's DD as being a very mature, responsible woman.

If they are happy together ,what difference does it make what motives either one of them have?

[groovygirl]

Originally Posted by dollydeal

My son has a very close relationship with his grandparents so I know thats not the reason in my sons case.He adores his grandma and grandpa.

My daughter does, also. Sometimes, people just click. Why is that so hard for some to understand? I find it scary that people are so narrow minded.

[ishop2much]

ILoveLucy and GroovyGirl, it sounds like both of your daughters are very happy in their situations. IMO as long as they are happy and are being treated right, I don't see a problem. ILoveLucy, I hope you have a very nice dinner this weekend Please let us know how it goes

[groovygirl]

Originally Posted by ishop2much

ILoveLucy and GroovyGirl, it sounds like both of your daughters are very happy in their situations. IMO as long as they are happy and are being treated right, I don't see a problem. ILoveLucy, I hope you have a very nice dinner this weekend Please let us know how it goes

Wow, someone with good sense!

[ILUVLUCY420]

We are going to be going for dinner that, James and Hope are cooking together, it will be part vegatarian and part meat, to please all whom are attending which is me and my husband and our son and my younger dd . Also it will be James and his parents. I asked my daughter what to bring, of course I will bring dessert, but I was thinking something for him for his apartment, he suggested a bottle of grey goose, he favorite drink, I do not drink, do you all think that would be approciate, she also said he loves to cook, I was also thinking a cookbook?? perhaps. I will talk to Hope later after she is done with work, and will decide. So dearly sorry that this thread got out of hand, that was not my intentions, so dearly sorry. Catherine

[wildwood]

You don't have to drink the Grey Goose. That sounds easy and what will be appreciated. Save the cookbook for another time. I'm assuming there will be other times. After you eat there and see his level of cooking ability and the type of food he serves, you might have a better idea of what kind of cookbook he would like.

[ILUVLUCY420]

I know about not drinking alcohol it is just I am not used to buying it, I feel awkward when I do purchase alcoholic beverages for someone as a gift, I am not used it. Yes after speaking to my daughter awhile ago, my husband will purchase the bottle and I am bringing a nice cheesecake and a fruit bowl and feel it is enough for now. He like my daughter is into healthy eating and cooking mostly Italian food, but then who does not like Italian food lol. Thanks again to all. Will post after the dinner, Catherine

[wildwood]

Originally Posted by ILUVLUCY420

but then who does not like Italian food lol. Thanks

I can name one, my husband, unfortunately. He will eat it once in a while, but only tolerates it, never gets delighted with it. I told him he was un-American and he replied that anyone, meaning me, that doesn't drink coffee, beer or milk is also.

[CaddyLisa]

Originally Posted by ishop2much

ILoveLucy and GroovyGirl, it sounds like both of your daughters are very happy in their situations. IMO as long as they are happy and are being treated right, I don't see a problem. ILoveLucy, I hope you have a very nice dinner this weekend Please let us know how it goes

Well said! My husband is 13 years older than me...I'm 47 and he's 60. We've been married for 22 years and have three children. It works for us! Before I met DH I had never dated anyone older. I prefer older men and I guess I never knew it until I was with one. Both women are in their mid 20's and very capable of making a decision on who they want to be with. I would just stay out of their business and try to have an open mind. With this age difference between DH and I, I'm most likely going to have to take care of him at some point. I must admit that thought didn't occur to me at all when I was younger. But as they say, for better or worse...Let us know how the dinner goes Catherine... ~Lisa

[usnamom]

When I look back at what I thought about life when I was in my mid twenties and what I think now about things at the age of over 50....there is such a difference. I wasn't interested in any of the same things then as I am now. I know and would hope that my maturity level has changed since I was 25, I know that my interests and views have changed since then. That would be my concern if my daughter or son was dating someone who was quite a bit older than them. I would be concerned if my son was dating someone who was younger than him by that many years as well.

Note: I would be concerned. I wouldn't be upset or try and talk her out of her relationship, nor would I be driven to drink because of it. It would cause me concern for her sake but it would be her adult life to live. But I would be concerned about the age difference because of maturity and life experiences that should be different in a young woman who is in her 20s and an older gentleman in his 40s.

[momrajum]

That is precisely how I feel as well usnamom. There is reason for "concern", we will always be concerned as parents that our children make good choices. That does not mean we interfere, or try to change things. Counsel, maybe, but isn't that what we are here for?

[ILUVLUCY420]

Just for a quick update the dinner last night at James apartment and meeting his parents was wonderful, a very relaxed comfortable atmosphere. We all got to eat great food, compliments of James and Hope and have wonderful desserts, the conversation was great, from what my dd told me abput the apartment it was really nice. For now we will keep a open mind and will always be here for Hope and as long as she is happy, we are happy. Thanks to all for the concerns and comments. Catherine

[Icansavedaily]

Thanks for the update. I am glad your daughter has your support.