How interactive are your parents or grandparents? A recent rip back home got me thinking about this. While visiting back home, we stayed with my husband's father, and he is the only grandparent left on both sides of the family. He is more than happy to see us when we arrive, but does not really interact much with the kids much during our visit. He reads a lot, and usually sits at the kitchen table for 6 or 7 hours a day doing just that. It's almost as though we are not even there, as he would be doing the same thing if we weren't there. He's good about having a little morning or evening conversation, but seems eager to get back to his reading. It just got me thinking about the kind of grandparent I want to be in the future. I hope to be more engaging with the kids, and play cards or board games with them, or offer to take them somewhere, if I felt up to it. Don't misunderstand, I do not expect to be entertained. I am referring to just general interaction.
So, what kind of grandparents do you have?

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

My parents were very interactive with my kids when they were little, but not my dh's.

As I think about someone who lives alone, I wonder if it is just hard to break out of the routine of daily life. Maybe he has so little interaction on a daily basis he has a hard time relearning that type of social activity when you are only there a short time. I know when I was very depressed last year, and spent a lot of time alone, it was very difficult when I did get myself into social situations where conversation was expected. I had to relearn my social skills to a certain extent. Maybe it's the same thing?

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Melissa

My mom and dad are wonderful with their grandkids and great grand kids---they will play board games, read to them, color with them, etc. My mom is limited in the amount and types of physical activity she can do because of some health issues, however she will include the kids in whatever she is doing and engages with them as much as she is able. My dad will take the kids with him where he goes, have them out in his "shop", take them on "adventures", read to them....
The Ex's family? Well, my kids barely know them and don't particularly like what they do know of them. The in-laws never made it a point to interact with the kids. They never made it a point to play with the kids or even to get to know them really...And it's their loss.
My boyfriend's family interacts more with the kids than their own flesh and blood (on their father's side).

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Yes, I know that he used to being alone and has feelings of depression since his wife passed away couple of years ago. He is definitely less engaging than years before, when he was maybe a little more interactive. I guess it's just his disposition too. Maybe we need to be a bit more insistent with him to get him to try to want to do things. He would decline though.

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

Even though it is likely that he would refuse, maybe the effort on your part will eventually help him to come out of his shell. How often do you see him?

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Melissa

Sadly...neither of my parents are alive, so my children have not had the chance to share their lives with them. My mother in law spends quality time with all her grandchildren. She is a wonderful, maybe a tad bit crazy grandma! She taught my youngest the *right* way to climb a tree.....and she was 69 years old at the time! She may not be the typical grandmother, but the grandchildren all love her....because she is not like everyone elses grandparents. As a matter of fact, most of their friends love her too!

My parents are pretty interactive with my son. My parents are divorced, so he has two sets of grandparents on my side. I can't really say anything negative about any of them. DS spends lots of time with my dad and stepmom and they absolutely love him. My dad takes him hunting and fishing and they spend a lot of time doing outdoor things. My dad and stepmom don't miss any of DS's sports games, plays, etc.

My mom and stepdad are really good with the grandkids, too. The live on a lake, so my stepdad will help them with fishing and outdoor stuff, too, as well as outdoor cooking. My mom will record military shows that she thinks DS might like so they can watch them together when we are out there for a weekend.

We all play boardgames or cards together when we are out there. Our lake property is only a block away from my mom, so weekends at the lake are very involved. DS's dad's parents don't live close, she he isn't as involved with them.

Edited: the kind of grandparent I want to be??? I want to be the one out there climbing a tree, going shopping for cool clothes, playing games, etc. That's the way I am with my nieces and they love coming here (as much as I love seeing them!) My middle niece spends the night with us about once a month, oldest niece about every other month, and we babysit the baby (18 months) every other week or so (she stays the night every now and then). I love it. My middle niece brought her easy-bake oven with her last time and we made some cakes. We cook or go out to dinner (their choice), rent movies, play games, do puzzles, whatever they want. We go shopping or I pick up stuff they might like when I'm out and about. DH is just as involved and definitely more of a pushover than me lol. I'd love to see more of them and hope that we are able to do the same when we have grandkids.

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Kim

At Christmas time every year, we make the trip back home, which is an 8 hour drive. He has been here once or twice in the last two years. I realize when some (not all) people get older, they don't like to travel too far from home, and we get the impression that he doesn't want to come. Maybe it's because we have three kids, and it's bound to be louder and more active around here than what he's used to. He does have one other grandchild who lives in the same town as he does, and I am sure they have more of a relationship than he does with my kids. Naturally, that
is going to happen (she also an only child so things are quieter around her).
Anyway, I have seen some pretty cool grandparents that actually take their grandchildren on trips. I cannot even imagine that, even with my own mother who has passed on. I think it's very special for a grandparent to be actively involved in their grandchildren's lives.

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

My parents are still very involved with the boys and always have been. From infancy to their teens (17 and 19 now); everything from sporting events, taking them on trips, games, crafts....you name it!

Now, DH parents are another story. They don't want to be bothered and it's just not by our kids. We live 500 ft from them, while the others are from 3-11 hours away. They don't have the patience!! Even in the teen years. It's very sad and their loss. When we say something about, "hey, do you want to ask Gram/Gramp to go with us?" It's always, "No, nana and papa will be there to support us". Sad!

For us personally the only greatgrandparent my kids knew was my husbands grandmother and sadly she was not a nice person at all, in fact she had 10 grandchildren and the only one she cared and loved if she could love was my husbands only sister, the rest were all ignored. For my in laws, they were very good and generous to the children, but because of the family business, they had little time to entertain or help with any of their grandchildren. However when it was a birthday or when we were at the families summer home in Connecticut they were always there. Sadly my mom in law, who truly was a sweet dear loving lady, passed away 11 years and after that, my father in law became a new man and has tried very hard to be at all functions. Now for my parents they have always been there from day one with all their 6 grandchildren, in fact since my dad retired early they came to all the doctor appointments and visited and took the kids and still to this day, they are always involved, of course with my mom being sick, she is not as active anymore.. Catherine

I'm the grandmother in this family and I only have one grand and he lives with us along with his parents. It's an odd situation, son-in-law travels constantly and comes home once or twice a month. We've all been together since he was just under 2. He's going to be 11 in June. Grandpa and I take him to most of his doctor and dentist appointments. We go to many of his various sports activities, school activities, we pick him up, drop him off, play with him, listen to the violin practices, help with homework, prepare some of his meals, sometimes take him and his friend(s) to movies and elsewhere, and in general make my daughters life easier than it might be, were we not present. It's been fun. I truly think that my husband would be a different, sadder, person if this arrangement had not presented itself. Our grandson keeps us moving, and gives us focus.

I think your father-in-law should be encouraged to play a board game with the kids when you visit. Don't expect him to introduce the idea. Join him at the table where he's reading and coax him into just one game. Do something that is silly and fun to start with and see if you can't draw him out somewhat. Many men his age probably did not really have that much interaction with their children. Their job was to make the money and the kids were raised by the women, so he may not know how to have fun. I know my husband hates games, but he will allow himself to be talked into playing them fairly frequently if grandson is the one doing the asking.

I really appreciate your (and everyone's) input. I think you give good advice, and we will try to be more interactive with him and coax him, like you say. You should really pat yourself on the back for being such a wonderful grandparent. You're probably right about the young boy adding much stimulation to the lives of you and your husband. This young man will only have positive things to say about his grandparents his whole life. You should feel pretty good about that.

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

My parents are both deceased, so no interaction there. I am a grandparent (my 2 oldest have children), but I also still have one child at home too. I try to make it to as many basketball and baseball games as I can, keeping in mind I have to attend my own daughters softball and basketball/cheer games. 2 grandkids go to the same church and schools as my daughter, so that makes it easier and I am the Youth Director at church and my oldest daughter is the co-leader so we do all our church activities together.

In the summer the kids come over and swim in the pool almost everyday, or practice ball. The 3 of them, 15 year old daughter, 11 year old grandaughter and 7 year old grandson will go play basketball on their own or one of us will bring them to the ball park to practice softball/baseball since daughter and grandson play on travel teams they like to practice alot.

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My parents were very interactive with my son. We lived over 500 miles away so he would visit them about twice a year. My Mom took him places and always interacted with him in the house just as she did with us when we were growing up.
As a matter of fact my son went to live with her when he graduated from H.S. so they are still very interactive.
Crittles I am wondering if your FIL is just from the generation of men who did not interact much with their children so perhaps he doesn't know how or perhaps he isn't aware of the benefit to both himself and the family.
Or he could be non intrusive and feel like he doesn't want to be perceived as interfering.
I agree with the suggestions of getting him involved in little ways like a board game.

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