Okay here is the story my youngest dd Cailtin who will turn 19 on 5/10 has been dating this guy Tristian who is of African American desecent and Native America. He is 23 years old, they met at a club a couple of months ago and having been seeing each other every weekend. We met him a couple of times and he seems like a very nice guy extremely polite. Me and my husband are totally fine with it, as long as he treats our daughter with all the respect she deserves. However I finally got the nerve to tell my parents who are old school, my dad I knew would be fine old school or not, he is a very accepting and easy going man. However my mom was furious and is so upset that her white blond hair green eyed granddaughter is dating this young man. And she is further upset at me and my husband to allow this. My daughter is afarid to call her grandmother who she truly loves. I feel no matter the color, creed, race, ethic or religion background as long as my daughter is treated with decency and respect and loved, to us that is the most important issues. So any input for me any words how to make my mom understand. Thanks so much in advance... Peace and blessings to all... Catherine

I doubt there is much you can say that will change your mom's mind. She is from a different generation, and old perceptions die hard.

The only thing that is apt to have much chance of swaying her, in my opinion, is her spending time in his presence and having him knock any pre-conceived notions she might have. She might eventually warm to him if he is extremely polite and uses manners that impress her. If he behaves in a way that doesn't confirm her assumptions about him, he'll have a much better shot than if he walks in and behaves in the way she expects him to based on her prejudices.

Is this the daughter that was dating a much older man somewhat recently?

Thanks wow however no that is my older daughter Hope who will be 25 on 5/25 she is one who is dating James who is 42 years old. They are still dating almost 7months now. Like you said my mom comes from a different time and I completely understand that fact, this will definitely take some time for sure. Peace and blessings to all... Catherine

I was going to say essentially what wow did. YOU can't do much, it's he and your daughter who have to spend some time with her. I would think that's normal at some point in any relationship anyway, to meet the family.

dl

My mom is a stubborn woman and I have asked her to meet with Tristian and Caitlin and right now she does not want too, I told her if she loved her granddaughter and I truly know she does, she will come around. Time will tell, btw she was happy with Hope dating a older man either, but know has gotten used to it and had met him and likes him... Peace and blessings to all... Catherine

I wouldn't try to force a 'meeting'.

I'd just let life play out, and they'll be in each other's presence at some function and he can have an opportunity to dispel any stereotypes she has assigned to him.

And given that your daughter is just 18, it's not all that likely that this young man is going to be around forever... so there isn't necessarily a rush to get Grandma's blessing, is there?

Your so right Wow she does not need Grandma's blessing right now, this is only someone she has hung out with on most Saturday nights and of course phone calls and texting in between so it is very early. Like I said my mom was not happy when my older dd Hope started dating James who is 16 years her senior, now she likes him.. Thanks for the input I sincerely appreciate it very much. Peace and blessings to all... Catherine

Lucy
I am from the OLD generation and this is that I would say to my mom on this subject if she brought it up again.
Mom We have always had you to share our love and achievements and want to continue. I was simply sharing with you the fact that I am so proud that my daughter has someone that she cares for and that cares for her. They treat each other with fondness and respect and at this time they make each other happy. I am sorry that I stole her thunder and shared her happiness with you before she could but loving my family so much I wanted to share her joy with you. "Mom he is a great guy and he accepts us as we are tats, piercings and "Old time rock and roll!"
Hope this helps Lucy as life is too short for petty conflicts.

My FIL is "old school" I guess you could say. I could totally see him behaving in this way. Your DD has to "own" her happiness with this, and not bow to what others think, IMO.

My FIL talks trash about some male family members that have ear/lip piercings. He has also talked trash about a "meaningless" college degree his so-called favorite grand daughter has. Family members choose to accept this trash talk from him. DH and I do not, and therefore we have no relationship with him. I hope it does not come to that for your DD.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

She may come around. My oldest daughter married a black man (they are now seperated) but initially my mom who was in her late 80's when they met (93 when she passed away) was from the old school too and very against "mixed relationships". We didn't have a problem with it and we just accepted him and he started coming around and participating in family gatherings and that type thing and she eventually learned to care and accept him into the family like the rest of us did. There were many times when we liked him better than my daughter, lol, because he never acted like an a$$ to any of us ever the whole 8 years they were together. Now he did not treat my daughter so nicely at times, but never bad to any of the other family members and still is good even though they are seperated.

It did take my mom awhile to come around, but she did.

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