This isn't intended to start a fuss - I'm just looking for clarification.

In a now-locked thread, couponsrock said this, and it prompted me to look at the forum rules sticky:

From what I am reading in the forum rules, banning is reserved specifically for hate speech incidents.

If I am reading it correctly, it's not that the mods were being kind in not banning anyone - it's that the MC rules only seem to take two behavioral issues into account - personal attacks, which will result in post removal, and hate speech, which would result in banning.

I don't see anything about issuing warnings to specific people, either publicly or privately.

Could somebody please clarify for us - before anybody actually *gets* banned - what the banning procedure is? Are warnings sent out? Is it still just hate speech that would lead to banishment, or are those rules outdated?

I was a moderator here MANY years ago. I think in 1999 or even earlier. Anyway, I rarely saw anyone get banned. We had to send email warnings to people that broke the listed rules before we even removed their post. I just can't see anyone getting banned for "picking on" ILL or anyone else. It's just silly.

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"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream."

John Lennon

I didn't intend to post anything hostile - I honestly just was curious. I hadn't read the rules in a very long time, so when specific actionable offenses, for lack of a better phrase, were mentioned, or at least that typically banning would have taken place a long time prior, I decided I should brush up on the rules.

I do remember a number of users being banned several years back. In fact, *I* may have even been banned. I was not a controversial person other than on the politics board, but I went away for a long time, and then when I tried to post here after a couple of years, I found that my username had had a lot of numbers added to it and my password no longer worked. I had to search the forum for my old posts, and that's how I learned that my username didn't look the same anymore.

I sent an email to ... well, somebody listed somewhere on the site... and asked what I needed to do to get my password reset, and never heard back. Eventually I just started this ID and have been with it ever since.

Some who have been around for a very long time (momarajum? marilyn?) have weathered everything from the clover issues to whatever it was that went down that caused me to leave probably have a better memory than I about exactly what happened that resulted in bannings in the past... but I know rules - including unwritten ones - morph over time.

If there are new ones now, this might be as good a time as any to update the sticky. If the sticky is still accurate, then we can all be mindful of avoiding hate speech.

I really just remember one night of banning. I worked back when we were paid moderators. There was some nut that was posting things like "barb is a tampon", etc. (dunno what happened to Barb, but she supervised the moderators). We would delete the posts and there would be more by the time we refreshed.

I believe the person was banned and kept coming back with a new id, also. It was long ago, so my memory is not fresh.

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"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream."

John Lennon

There have been numerous threads in which the moderators and I have deleted individual posts, the entire thread, the threads closed and warnings posted for all members to see. If members choose to ignore moderator posts and attack others then we reserve the right to ban members.

I do suggest re-reading the rules of conduct that are stuck to the top of each forum.

The best suggestion is to be civil to all members. We are all adults and as moderators we don't like having to send out the warning posts or take additional measures. So please, let the past be the past and move forward.

I haven't either. But I do remember people being banned, so I assumed that maybe the sticky was just outdated, or if it was eventually revised after that night of mass banning took place to be a little more loose.

I know it's difficult to keep up here, especially in the heat of disagreements, and if you're not around for a day it is easy to miss new requests from the mods, etc., or walk into a catfight and not even know what's going on, and find yourself in trouble for even asking what's going on because it was just that hot in here. lol

I just wanted to make sure I understood the rules. Not suggesting that couponsrock was trying to make anything up - just that the statement about people being banned didn't seem to match with the rules for *this* specific forum.

Hopefully things will calm down now and they won't actually resort to banning *anyone* for any reason.

There is a reason that the popularity of this place fell drastically. I think it is awful how they can just remove anything you say now, with no reason, no email, nothing. Several things deleted from this thread were very harmless and broke no rules. It just makes it a very uninviting place.

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"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream."

John Lennon

From my perspective, the key is probably consistency.

If the 'rule' is that personal attacks against other members are what result in 'sanctions', then as long as people don't make a personal attacks, they should be fine. The sticky does imply that 'heated' is okay, but 'attacks' are not.

Exactly. I think you will begin to see less and less people coming here if you can't even post innocuous thoughts.

There are other forums where members are allowed to speak freely and don't have to walk on eggshells.

I am shocked to see that the word BANNED is under MOMRAJUM's name. She started the last "closed" thread "I don't get it", but posted nothing wrong since she came to the fireworks late. What the heck is that about?

Also Kelly Jef is quoted in post #6 but the entire post is missing.

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Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

E. Roosevelt

Yikes - I did see Melissa try to start a couple of threads asking exactly what was going on, but I did not see anything that could be considered an attack. That's not her style - not at all. She has always been extremely sincere. Direct, yes, but an attacker, no.

Wow.

Not sure what to say, even.

That sure is interesting. SHE got banned? My goodness, my goodness, momrajum was simply having a conversation and she is a steady poster, never waffling back and forth over what she's written.

dl

...Archie Bunker really does live...

Wow! just wow...cannot believe that Melissa was/is banned. She asked a question.
Makes me wonder who some people really are!? I mean, I've seen some pretty nasty mud flung (myself included) and no one got banned. Why ban for a question?

How much influence do some people have??

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

...Archie Bunker still lives...

dl

If we were to list everybody in order from first to last according to who we believe incites the most discord here, intentionally or otherwise, Melissa would be at the absolute bottom of the list.

She's always been one to want to know where things stand, but is not a mud-flinger or an insulter or an attacker.

I can only assume something happened via PM or something that we didn't see here. I did see her try a couple of times to start threads asking what was happening with the current bru-ha-ha, and those were deleted. They did not seem 'attacking' in nature to me. Exasperated because she didn't seem to have clarity about what was going on, yes, but I don't think she attacked anyone.

Just... wow.

Ya, I learned my lesson here some 12 or so years ago.Do not argue with a moderator thus thou risk getting banned.And I got banned.You really should respect the moderators.They are the best !

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I nominate Couponsrock to be our next moderator.

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The member that was banned needs to talk with moderators for the answers they are looking for. The ban is a temporary ban for 3 days so she can cool down.

As I just left in a PM to another member, there have been conversations recently and in the distant past about taking The Cafe away. None of us want that. We all love this forum and I know the majority of us would be So please, help us keep The Cafe a forum and one that we can all take pride in. Let's find a way to move forward.

Cool down? Really?? Seriously???

Unless I missed a whole lot, Melissa was not "hot" about anything.
Granted I could have missed something.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I did see her starting new threads that were not attacks on anyone. I believe I'd call the first one a 'musing' about what was happening with all the posts disappearing and not being able to follow who was accusing whom of what. That post went poof.

Then I think she started another one asking why her post disappeared, and I don't think I clicked on it before it, too, was gone. I don't know if there were responses.

Then the last one I saw from her was one I had opened and was going to respond to when it disappeared. I think the subject was something like, "Seriously!!" and the post just said, "What is going on???"

Knowing Melissa.... she probably sincerely did want to know what was going on. I can see her pushing for an answer if she thought she was doing something inadvertently that was causing her posts to be deleted. But I can't envision her attacking another poster or anything like that. It's just not in her nature.

ETA: That's why I might assume there must be something more that happened behind the scenes. Melissa wasn't just 'letting it go', so to speak, but she didn't say anything disrespectful in public that I saw - not to another member or to a mod. One can only assume there is more to the story than what happened in public.

I remember, as do perhaps other long timers, when the Cafe was closed. The board NEVER recovered from that. ..it never came back to the level of popularity it had.

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Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

E. Roosevelt

I remember others being banned, as well. There were a couple of folks that I enjoyed on the cooking board who got banned - one in particular was Amber from Colorado. I have no idea what happened, but I enjoyed her posts.. She posted all the time, then was suddenly banned. Strange..

I am shocked that Melissa has been banned, even if only for a brief time. In my opinion, there are a number of people who "stir the pot" and she certainly isn't one of them. That's the last thing I would expect.

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Kim

I agree.

I hope she is willing to return when her ban is over, but honestly, if there is nothing more to it than what I saw here, I wouldn't blame her if she wasn't interested.

I'm really just speechless... and that doesn't happen very often!

I remember Amber too and frequently make her onion bread.

I think the difference between this board and others is that it's more cozy here ~ meaning that there aren't many of us who frequently post and we feel like we really know each other. It's unfortunate that things get out of hand. Some people stay because of the drama and some people leave because of the drama.

We never know what goes on behind the scenes, so we don't understand why someone has been banned.

Hi! It's ME!! Ok, so I pushed the envelope due to frustration yesterday. My posts kept being deleted and I was dumbfounded. So, I kept reposting. But the posts contained NO personal attacks. Nor were the nasty!! I have NO idea what happened before I came on yesterday, I had not been here for several days. I had NO CLUE about the alleged bashing.

Mod, if there was a pm sent to me as a warning, I did not see it. I rarely look at my pm s because I have so rarely used them.

I am not one to do things in secret, I would not leave people guessing as to who the "troll" is. It is me. lol

Wow is right.....I would hate to not be able to come here to chat with you ladies.

In one of my posts yesterday, I was in the process of saying this....(before it was deleted)

I want to thank all of you here. My life has been through so many changes since I started here. My kids grew up, married, went in the AF, my family fell in love and lost the sweetest little girl in the world, our Faithy. I almost died when she left.........that is not an exaggeration, and I got support and words of encouragement here. When I couldn't say what I wanted to the people in my real life.....I could come here. We here in the Cafe have argued, supported, debated and loved......and I appreciate each one of you. Whether we see eye to eye......or we've ahem...disagreed...lol...I appreciate all of you. Learning takes more than conversing with those you agree with. Whether it's politics, religion or just life.........I've learned from all of you.

So......just wanted to make sure I got to say that. Thank you.


(I am not a patient person and three days just seemed like too long to sit on this. ;0) )

Melissa

Haha....patience is not a virtue of mine either. Welcome (back) to the board. I'm sure you were shocked to see that you were banned.

I'll repeat what I said about this being a cozy place. I think you nailed it with your post mcmelly. We do get to know each other here. It's a place where you can share life's ups and downs and get things off your chest. When things are tough, we are here for each other to offer support, suggestions, and prayers.

I can't believe Melissa got banned. I've been away for a few days and I've missed a lot it seems.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

You really didn't miss much...lol. I'm back. Been in VA. with our kids for the weekend. It was FABULOUS!! I see things are pretty quiet around here!!!

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Melissa

You are right. After the last to-do and the resulting pumishments (and non-punishments), I think a lot of people are having second-thoughts about whether to participate here.

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Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

E. Roosevelt

It really is no fun to be babysat like that.....seriously....we are grownups......or we are supposed to be anyway. lol

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Melissa