My sister in law celebrates Christmas Eve at her father's with family/extended family/friends. On Christmas day, instead of giving us that day to celebrate, she invites her Father/sisters/brother in law, and my mom and my family of four to celebrate with my brother & her, and the kids. Then after we eat, her father lavishes my brother, sister in law, and my nieces and nephews with gifts. It's not fair to my husband & kids that we have to sit there while they basically celebrate Christmas with her dad. We are uncomfortable. My husband and children don't want to go anymore. My mom wonders why they can't just open gifts on Christmas Eve. I have let this go several years and basically about an hour into gifts tell them that we are leaving. I feel like this is our Christmas too, and should have made a point a few years ago and have basically begged my DH and kids to be patient, but it's no longer fair to them. Any idea what would be the right thing to do. I feel like even if it means we don't get together on Christmas it's better than ruining my households Christmas with everyone being unhappy.

Please help, I have already been approached about this years plans,

Laura

Personally I would say that my husband, my children and I simply wish to celebrate Christmas ourselves in our own home. She is very rude and self centered to do this to you every year. They should wait until everyone's gone or have a day by themselves.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

We always did Christmas eve early in the afternoon with my husband's family. We had the only grandchildren so they got lots of gifts from my husband's parents. Then about 7:00 pm on Christmas eve we went to my parents. Since I have 7 brothers and sisters and they had children, there was one gift for each person (we exchanged names). Christmas Day morning was just for us as a family but my husband's parents (and his single brother and sister )came over for dinner. When my oldest son was 9 we moved out of state so everything changed again.

I think the key word is that she "invites" you. That means you can politely decline. If you feel funny about not doing anything with them, then think of another way celebrate with your sister-in-law and invite her and the others to that celebration.

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If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

When our children were born, we announced that we would be staying home on Christmas day. If the grandparents wanted to see us, they had to come to our house. Sadly, neither set of grandparents ever saw the boys on Christmas day. We made a point to get to both of their houses within the week to celebrate. Over the years, we really came to appreciate the solitude and family time together. I grew up running here, there, and everywhere on Christmas day. We were (sometimes) allowed to take one new gift with us to play with. I hated it and swore I would not do that to my children. Interesting, my oldest son (married and has a little girl) made the same announcement last year. We spent part of the day with them at their house, but gave them plenty of time to have as a family alone.

I'm with Anna. Tell them you are staying home for Christmas day.... but arrange another time during the week to get together for a couple of hours.

I agree with Anna. I'd decline and say that this year you and your family want a quiet Christmas at home.

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~~~~**Maryann**~~~~

I just got a firm grip on reality....
Now I can strangle it

Stay home, but invite your mom! It doesn't sound like she enjoys your SIL's festivities either.

I think in your heart you know what to do. IMO, she has done this every year since you have not spoken up otherwise. There is nothing wrong with declining her invitation. As another has stated, if you wish to see them, invite them over another time.

Good Luck. The holidays should not be about stress like this.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I personally have always felt there was enough stress from the holiday's to begin with, without having any family problems.

However with that being said there seems to be so many families that get stuck in these kinds of suituations. I would opt for staying at home and having a quiet christmas with your own family.

I think I'd just say, "Ya know, thanks so much for the offer again, but I hate to intrude on your dad's celebration with you guys year after year, and I think this year we will plan to just stay home and maybe start a new tradition with our kids. I do still want us to get together and celebrate, though. What does (name your date here) look like for you all? Could we get together then?"

Don't sound mad, put out, or hurt... just almost apologetic that you've 'intruded' in the past. Obviously, you haven't - you have been invited - but that might help her clue in to the fact that it's just uncomfortable for you guys to be there at that time, and not that you're totally trying to dismiss her party because you don't like them.

Just my thoughts....

PS: Hi Lucy...

ill guess you know all about stress and family problems, and oh so much more. You would be the best at giving advice.

dl

ITA what others said, you can just tell her thanks but you decided to stay home with the family on Christmas Day, and just plan to get together with her another day. Maybe the day after Christmas or whatever works.