What's the most recent funny situation you've encountered?

I went to the post office today to mail some candy to my mom for Valentine's day. The clerk went through the usual litany of questions: "Anything hazardous, flammable, perishable...?"

I said, "Perishable."

He asked, "Perishable like a hamburger, or like candy?"

I know it isn't that funny, but it really cracked me up for some reason. (Maybe because it made me imagine someone getting a package with an stinking decaying hamburger in it.)

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If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

I was at Target yesterday by the Valentines day stuff and there was a little boy about 4 with his mother. She was showing him what he could pick out for his class and he kept asking for candy. She told him that his teacher said no candy. He asked why and she said because some kids have allergies. He said "I talked to my friends none of them have allergies, I think that Ms. Michelle just doesnt want candy cause it will make her butt big cause daddy said she had a big butt" She then told him to pick out two boxes of cards one for boys and one for girls and he told her he only wanted to get them for boys because "daddy said it all starts with a card, then they'll want flowers dinner and kisses and girls are yucky anyway" he was just too cute

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~~~~**Maryann**~~~~

I just got a firm grip on reality....
Now I can strangle it

Well we received a very heavy box a few weeks ago. Luckily I didn't let it sit for several days before I opened it, which I do if I'm expecting something and know what should be in the box. My son-in-law who came from ND and works in the southeast, and lives here a few days a month, called a sausage maker in ND and had them ship us about 50 pounds of sausage. It was frozen and on dry ice, but it would have been nice to have had some notice. Since I opened it right away, I saved us from having 50 pounds of stinking decayed sausage.

The funniest thing that I can think of, is about this dive we go to for breakfast on Sunday mornings. My husband always orders an omelet with bacon, onions, green peppers and no cheese. I seldom get an omelet, but his sounded good about three weeks ago so I ordered one that Sunday as well. Omelets come, they have cheese, bacon, onions, mushrooms and ham. We ate them anyway and told the waitress who wanted to send the order back, but we said that was okay. Next Sunday comes and we order the omelet again and are laughing with the waitress about the previous weeks order. She says she is going to make sure it is right this time. Omelets come. They have bacon and onions, no green peppers. I call the waitress over and we laugh and she goes to the kitchen and brings us some green peppers to go with our omelet. Last Sunday I didn't really want an omelet but I was determined to get one made correctly so we ordered it again. I had meant to type up the order and hand it to her before we went but I forgot. Third time was the charm. but I don't want to see another omelet for at least a month.

We've gone to the Dutch Pantry a few times. They have a vegetarian section on their menu. The first time I ordered off the vegetarian section, my salad came with ham in it. When I questioned the waitress, she asked if I wanted a new one made. Umm, yes, I'm a vegetarian. Next time....the vegetarian platter....comes with bacony-slimey green beans. When I questioned the waitress, she simply replied "well that's the vegetable of the day and the vegetarian platter comes with the vegetable of the day." Ugh.

Then, there's the Chinese buffet. I asked if they had spring rolls...egg rolls with no meat. "Yes, right there...no meat....pork".

I have a funny one that my son said when he was a young boy. We were at Great Clips getting a haircut, and the young woman cutting my son's hair, was instructing him "Buddy, put your head down, this way, etc" Finally, my son said "My name is not Buddy"!

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

Last night, Valentines Day, decided to go to Outback. Dropped husband off to get our name on the list. Parked and walked into a madhouse. We were standing near the hostess station while he told me the wait was 75 minutes. The bar seating there is first come first served. I was standing behind a tall man and his wife, and couldn't see into the bar area. I peaked around him just as I heard her explaining that the bar had open seating and that you grab a table when you see one. Just as she's saying this I peer around him and see a woman at a booth reaching for her purse and making that move we all make when we are about to scoot out of the seat. I tapped this big guy blocking my way who was still in this involved conversation about grabbing a table. He shifted just enough for me to make an end run around him and hit the booth just as both booth occupants stood up. We were done eating just about the time they got seated. I bet his Valentines dinner was not a happy one...lol.. But my husband and got such a laugh about it that we had a great time. From the time I walked through the door until we sat down was less than 30 seconds.

Something I did when I was a little kid that my parents always talk and joke about every time we go out to eat and never let me forget.
While eating out at a fancy restaurant I accidentally knocked over a huge glass of pop and ice on the floor and being the good little kid who was taught to clean up after themselves I immediately started picking up all the ice cubes off the floor and putting them back into the glass.
A waitress walked by and said "Oh, you don't have to do that,we'll do it." So, for some dumb reason I emptied all the ice I had picked up and put it back on the floor.I have no idea why I did that.

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