If there is any humor to be found in a sad situation it is this. In a previous post I expanded on my 25 yo nephews untimely death and my sisters heartbreak. Nothing funny there. What IS funny is that she has received literally hundreds of bagels. Baskets and bags of them. With and without assorted cream cheeses. What I've learned throughout this whole tragedy is NOT to send bagels to the families home. What they actually need, in addition to the tons of food that comes in is sturdy paper plates, plastic cutlery, napkins, dish soap, coffee, cream, sugar, milk, etc. We all learned that when people called and said "what can we do?" - if you know they really want to do something and aren't just being polite - send them to the store for these necessities. Just a helpful suggestion for those of us who never know what to do. The other thing that went like crazy was pizza and tomato pie. Every box that was delivered and opened dissappeared within 30 minutes.

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This might be a little odd, but I usually give a roll of stamps in a dispenser. Too practical and not personal enough? Let me know what you think. I'd really like to know if you think this is appropriate.

My mom usually takes, paper plates, paper towels, bread, lunch meat (ham and turkey from the deli), Plastic cups and disposable forks/spoons.

I think the roll of stamps is a good idea too.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

That is a good idea freer. You never have stamps when you need them. We usually send over baked goods. When my Grandma died unexpectantly I remember the people that came over right away. But the thing that stands out the most was the baked goods basket (That we ate every bit of) from the boss at her work. May not be healthy but it did the trick of getting us to eat something when we didn't want real food.

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I've never lied to you. I've always told you some version the of truth.

when my dad died, we were covered up in food. there was mom, me , my sister and my grandfather. 2 months later, my grandfather died and here come the food again. the best things we got that we really needed at the time was stamps, paper products, cup, tissues and someone gave us a big pile of thank you cards. a neighbor also took all the cards off the flowers after the funeral and wrote on the back of the card what the plant or flower was . that helped alot. also ice and soda really came in handy.
my best friends son died last march and she wound up with 19 buckets of kfc. thats a TON of chicken. after everyone ate all they could , she gave it to the soup kitchen. they were thrilled.

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I love the stamp idea!!!!

Money to help with funeral expenses
Food gift cards so they don't have to cook when they don't feel like it (bringing food is nice but they often end up throwing it away as they don't feel like eating and people bring a ton of food)
Flowers
A Gift in Memorian (for example if they loved animals, children, art, donate to those causes in the deceased's name)
A beautiful letter with genuine emotions detailing how special this person was and sharing some memory that they perhaps did not know. They will read and cherish it for years to come! (pictues especially nostalgic happy ones too)
If you live close make a genuine effort to help with daily things. Housecleaning, picking up kids at school, tending the pets, anything to keep a normal routine going (as much as possible under the circumstances)

The best thing is to be genuine and to be available physically and emotionally.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

I love, love, love the stamps idea. And the thank you notes, too. Ice and beverages were something we had to keep sending people for, also. Donut holes came in and were immediately devoured although the dozen donuts just sat there. Great ideas from everyone.

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The stamps are excellent. You always have to send thank you notes to people who sent the flowers,food, etc.
Many unexpected things come up!
If I know that the people are not financially well off then I always send cash to the family. I wouldn't do this for some wealthy person, not that I know a lot of wealthy people,LOL.

The funeral home gave us Thank You note cards when my Mom died. I don't know if they stil do this? Or if all funeral homes do it?

When my neighbor passed away, I brought over a lot of the 2 liters I got from the Coke olympics promo, along with glasses and ice. I almost forgot about the glasses and went back with them! It was great to have that on hand so as soon as I saw lots of cars there, I was able to take it over.
Another thing I like to do if I bring food is bring something they can put in the freezer like a pan of lasagna. That way if they have too much food, they can put it in the freezer and use it down the road, or they can pop it in the oven right away if they want. I once a month cook, so I have food in the freezer. It is also great if you have a friend in the hospital or has a baby, you can bring them a meal right away.

I always send a pound or two of coffee, a box of tea bags, some creamers, and danish for breakfast, then I usually make another meal or two during the week AFTER the funeral and bring it over..that's when everyone starts to forget the families..

When my grandfather passed away it was soon after a hurricane went through Ft Myers.
For some reason I thoguht to bring down cases of bottled water. It was a welcome not only since there was a limited supply, but that is was something besides sodas.
Toilet paper is GREAT!!
I know that my grandmother would have loved stamps and thank you cards. I will have to remember that.
ALSO, the BEST thing that she said that arrived at the house were cards with something special written in them about my grandfather. Some were just funny and helped ease the tension of the house.
(He had owned a lawncare service and was notorious for just mowing right over things. Well someone remembered how he did this a wrote it. That brought a smile to her face.)

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John 14:1
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I usually bring paper plates, napkins and soda. A good friend of mine just lost her brother on Thanksgiving, he was riding a bike and was hit by a car and killed. I took her Godiva chocolate and Godiva coffee, because I know it is something she loves but doesn't get very often, she loved it.

you guys are so super! When my grandma died, it was just us family who had to do it all. We remarked how "back when" people brought food, etc to help the family. We went to my DH's grandpa's funeral a few years ago in KS and although he had lived in the town for nearly forever, they were not brought food or anything either. I had to go help cook and go shop for food (with babies in tow). It was odd after hearing how many people "give" to the family. I simply thought it was something of a *lost art*. I know we would have loved anything that meant we didn't have to cook and shop

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I also agree that gift cards for food is an excellent idea. One thing that the bereaved may need is someone who can do some errands or chores for them. They may not feel like going to the cleaners or the drug store. Maybe the dog needs to be walked or the grass needs to be mowed. When I was bereaved, I couldn't even leave the house, for fear of breaking down in public, which by the way happened way to often. I had some amazing people who helped me out, by taking and picking up my kids from school, going to the post office, and taking my dog to the vet. But the single most important thing the bereaved person needs, is someone who can listen to them over and over again.

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Melissa
Mom of Kiefer, Kaitlan, Korrey, and my very special Heavenly Angel, Kieran^i^

I agree with giving stamps and thank you cards, that is a great one. Also toliet paper, because a good friend had a family member die and with the influx of relatives they ran low so I took some over along with the paper plates, napkins and paper towels, those things are always needed. I also think that finger food goes over well, hence the donut holes going quickly and the donuts not. Anything that can be popped into your mouth goes fast.

Also think of family a few weeks, months after the funeral and everyone has gone back home and on with their life...still offer to bring over a meal one day or stop by and take them out for a meal or have them over for a meal, loneliness creeps in especially now at the holidays so think of those who have lost loved ones in the last year and recheck in on them. Just my .02

betty

I NEVER would have thought to send bagels to a family after the death of a loved one. Must be a regional thing or something.

I would send a casserole that could be put in the freezer if the family didn't want/need it right away. Then they would have something to pull out and use at a later date.

The stamps are a great idea. I NEVER would have thought of that either.

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Jesus SAVES by shopping smartly and using double coupons!

When my friends Mom passed away I collected money from our co workers and went out and bought gift certificates for different restaurants. Our friend was thrilled. She said it was really nice to know they could have a nice meal without her having to cook and she was tired of all the food that other people had brought to them.