I have heard some funny posts on this in the past... so I just had to ask.

How do you feel about your mil/in-laws (or should I say outlaws )

I will say that I miss my fil dearly- he passed away suddenly summer before last from cancer (he was diagnosed, and 4 months later he was gone). He was such a special man- and a good role model for my dh (so thankful because with his real father out of the picture, he needed someone to look up to).

But sometimes my mil just makes me shake my head...

Anyway, how do you feel about that half of your family?

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AKA: Airbornearmywife

Well I hate to speak ill of the dead but my MIL caused nothing but trouble. I'm not sure when it happened and I didn't start hearing the things she was saying until about 5 years ago. While I was married to her son she appeared to be good she was the one that rmembered my birthday and our anniversary and sent my flowers (6 red and 6 white carnations).

I don't know how much of what my ex says is true so I am just happy remembering the good times we had with her.

LOL.... oh my.
My MIL and I are very, VERY different people - we have learned to accept this and we get along. I appreciate who she is and all she does for our family - I always stress to my DD that she treat her with the utmost love and respect and they do share a special bond. I encourage that.
My BIL and SIL are a different story. DH's brother and his wife act uppity. My DH made some mistakes when he was young, as do most people, and they seemed to label him a loser. When I came into the picture, SIL made it clear they didnt take the relationship seriously. When she realized I wasnt going anywhere and that DH and I seemed to improve each other's lives, she felt threatened.
Her DD was 5 yrs old when I started dating DH. I have never known that girl to not be on a diet. SIL would tell her "No, you dont need that." If DD asked for seconds and dessert??? Forget it! And my DD is tiny (DH and I are short so this is expected.) SIL is always saying, "OH, Kristen was so much smaller at that age. At 5 years old, she wore a size 3." As if she were extremely proud. My MIL speaks sometimes without really thinking. One day she saw Kristen eating and said, "Oh my, she's eating lately." (The girl is 13 yrs old, of course, she's gonna eat a bit more- she's growing!!) and my SIL halted all conversation and said, "OH NO, she has to watch what she eats now. She's in cheerleading. SHe really has to watch."
At this point I'd had enough and said, "A 13 yr old has to watch what she eats? You dont find that disturbing?" But i'm talking to a wall.
The girl is really mean to my 6 yr old DD. But now, my DD just looks at her and says calmly, "Kristen, does that make you feel good? Talking to a six year old like that? Do you feel big now?"

SIL and BIL are always trying to compete with us. When we got a big screen tv, they found out it was a few inches bigger than theirs (they asked how big it was, I had no idea how big their tv was, nor did I care!) and SIL said, "Yea, well, we needed a new tv anyway." ANd honest to goodness, they went out the next day and bought one bigger.
When i went back to college, SIL had to go get her beauty license. I attended her graduation and got her a gift, etc. When I graduated, she refused to come, and would not even look at me when I mentioned getting my degree.

When I got my job, my MIL was telling her about it.... and she hung up. And wouldnt talk to me for months.

Now, DH got a new job recently. They are livid. I dont understand this. They do well. She inherited money and land. Why do they feel so threatened by all this? I dont get it. My BIL even said to him that he would never work for that company, you have to bust your a$$. My DH is the type that has to be working hard or the day just drags for him. Then BIL said "OH, that's why youre making what you make. You have to work in the freezer. A lot of guys I know cant handle that. " I finally spoke up with a smile and said, "Matt is more of a man than most." LOL I said it in a light, joking way but it didnt go over well. If DH tried to talk about the job, such as when MIL asked him about it, they changed the subject quick and wouldnt let him get a word in edgewise.

It used to bother me, then I found it funny. Now I find it sad and i just dont understand it.

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Not all those that wander are lost.

Interesting. I haven't spoke or should i say mil hasn't spoke to me in about 6months. Nobody "really" knows why. Dh says that im the lucky one!

this is sad but honest my inlaws have not talked to me or seen their grandchild since my hubby was killed i called them and they said they cant look at my son he looks to much like his father.
so not only did my son lose his dad but his grandparents too.
but before all this my father in law was great a super wonderful man his wife was and will always be a witch

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Tim
My Husband, My Love....Best Dad
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I guess I am lucky my MIL is wonderful toward me she tells everybody I am her second daughter. My FIL hasn't gotten to know me because for the six years I have been married he's had althemezer(I don't know how to spell it). My SIL and BIL and nephew, boy, they take the cake it's like a soap opera with these people something is always happening (usually for the worst )in their lives. I love my MIL like a second mom but I hate the way she let's her other son treat her she has alot of drama in her life.

I guess I'm the odd man (lady) out here. I get along great with all my in laws. I speak to my dh's stepmom almost daily and his mom weekly. I get along with both his dad and stepdad. The same went for my ex's family until the divorce and I distanced myself from them because it was for the best. I still can talk to them if need be just not close anymore. I feel very lucky to be able to have a great relationship with all the inlaws!

I have to say that I am very blessed when it comes to my in-laws. Mine are the best. They are always there, very supportive and from day one, they have made me feel like a daughter, not a daughter in law. It is a true blessing to me.

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Psalm 23:1

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.

My father in law.....treats me as I am his own daughter. He is a very good man. Hubby and I have been married for 10 years now working on 11. LOL He loves his grandkids the way that a grand parent should care about them.

As for my mother in law. Her new husband is not bad. But my MIL has never been the one to really "care or shows love" to her son. She likes the big house, the land, the in-ground pool.....she likes material things better than having a conversation with her son or grandkids. She only talks to my children at our family Christmas party. She runs around and acts like they are so special and how much she cares about them. But lets be honest.....love goes way farther than a one day event. Once we leave we won't hear from her on the phone unless she wants something. She will call hubby for advise or deals but that is all. She has Never been to our house. She even drove up once(an hour and a half drive) to the area we are in and did not stop in just for a short hi. LOL I would love for my children to have a close relationship with my MIL but I just don't see that happening. My children know what it feels like for someone to "buy" there love and they don't want any part of it. Once we leave the kids will ask why does grandma not call or see us but once a year or when we drive down mom?

I go to the Christmas party because the love I have for my husband. But I have taught my children how to really love people and show people you care and love them. So, they realize now what she does is not love.

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Give me the wisdom and grace to understand

Tracy S
Mommy to 5 little girls
Victoria
Alyssa
Samantha & Selena
Malaya
Tracy_s5girls@yahoo.com

I get along with my inlaws. We live 14 hours apart

ANYTIME any one of us is sick, they've automatically got it too. It drives me up the wall about that. My son has autism and seizures and of course they always know someone that is worst than him. Ok, whatever, I try to let it slide but it irks me most of the time.

And when MIL calls us, she's spends about 3-5 min on the phone (cause she is paying) but let DH call her and she wants to blab all freakin' day.

FIL has a temper that I do not want my kids witnessing ever. I guess it's known to most of the family it has to do with bipolar but he refuses to take any meds for it.

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Tracy,

That is sad and I'm sorry. There are people who are not kid-people. My MIL is one of them. BUT she loves her grandkids and would do anything for them- we know though that she is just the type that will never really call up and ask out of the blue to take our kids. We're okay with that- great in fact. It isnt her job to do that. But she visits and calls and when we need her to, she does watch Alexis and has no problem doing that because DD is well behaved.
However, there is a difference btw. being a non-kid-person and just being downright narcissitic and selfish. That's a shame. But luckily your children have many other fantastic sources of love. (((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

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Not all those that wander are lost.

The entire situation is very strange. But at least I have a big family and hubby's father makes sure he see the kids once a week. He is very proud of his grandchildren. He loves them very much and shows them what "love" really means. I have always taught my children from the time they were born what "love" is and it is not just showing them with gifts. It is talking to them, spending time with them, having those special moments. I have learned over the years that some people are just more into there selves than others. In my eyes children are innocent and deserve love from everyone around them.

Tracy

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Give me the wisdom and grace to understand

Tracy S
Mommy to 5 little girls
Victoria
Alyssa
Samantha & Selena
Malaya
Tracy_s5girls@yahoo.com

I get along fine with my MIL and FIL. My husband comes from a family of 11 children and I can tolerate most of them! With sooo many people there's bound to be a few wackos!

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Mom to Miss C & Mr. E
Former SAHM now working full time
feboll@neo.rr.com

I had really nice in-laws. I wish they were still alive.
After reading some of these posts I feel very sorry that everyone didn't get good ones like I did!

Maybe there is a lesson for all of us here! We have to be careful to be good in-laws to our family.

I have 4 married children and I love all of their spouses and I treat them like they are my own.

My MIL is the is very good to me now...she died 3 years ago and I don't have to deal with her and the crap she would do to me now!! She was the step mother in law and she would treat HER family much better, she had 2 sons. When I was pregnant with my daughter she called to tell me HER grandchild that HER daughter in law (my step sister in law?) was having was a boy and I guess there wouldn't be any girls in the family! I could go on and on but I will save you from the woman.

I am one of the VERY lucky ones!I love my in-laws.They are definately special people.They raised 7 of FIL's younger brothers and sisters plus had 10 children of their own.My FIL will be 82 in Feb MIL just turned 85.I love them both.(They live 2 doors up too)

I'm lucky, too. My in-laws are great! I love them to pieces, as well as my DH's extended family. Everyone is really nice - I knew we were lucky before, but I really feel that way now.

I am SO, SO, SO sorry for all of you who don't have that experience! I feel so bad for you! I wish it could be different for all of you....

Add me to the list of "The in-laws who don't care". DH & I have been married for almost 12 years. I never heard any kind of 'welcome to the family' or 'congratulations.' No gift, nothing. I always bought gift for bdays and xmas. Received nothing, not even a phone call on bday, Finally a few years ago, I said no more. This after making a 50th & 70th bday party for SIL & FIL - stupid me -

6 months ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. MY DH nephew is the only one who called to see if I was ok after my surgery. No one has ever called to see if I needed anything. We have 2 DD and hubby has been working out of town since before my diagnosis. (not looking for pity - just needed to vent after reading this thread - sorry)

katamasmom

My father in law was a great man. he lived with us until he died of cancer. my mother in law was already dead when we got married. We dodge his borthers and sisters. they are huge drama queens and kings and about the only time we hear from one brother and one sister is when they want money. we used to go to his family get together but havent been in the last 5-6 yrs cause one of his sisters starts a fight with someoe each yr. ( she dont like the kids running around or she dont like the gift someone gave her or she wants everyone to know how wonderful her grandkids are and how lousy the other kids are) she 's a real (*&^% so we just stopped going. I dont have much family left ( mom and sister is it) so it would be nice to have a big family to get together with if one person didnt ruin it for everyone. it never fails. someone leaves with their feelings hurt cause of this one sister of his. just aint worth it.

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My husband's mother died when he was 16, so I never knew her, but I understand that there are saner people out there. My step-MIL was brave enough to marry a man with five kids (kindergarten age to adult), keep them from going off the rails, and make sure my father in law took care of himself too. She's always been lovely to us, and her family's big too, so we have a lot of friendly, cheek-kissing cousins, uncles, and titas. My FIL tends to be quiet, so he's definitely not intrusive, but I do find I'm a bit shy around him. My brothers and sisters in law mostly live far from us, but are friendly when they visit. We have nothing to do with my MIL's side of the family, though, as they did some really odd things after her death.

My MIL is odd She always has odd ways of fixing things. When my DD was little she had her days and nights mixed up so my MIL said to flip her upside down and then lay her a different way in her bed I never really understood what she was talking about and no I didn't flip my DD

My MIL doesn't really like me because I ruined he sons life Yeah right

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Dawnie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If there is a will there is a way!

I barely know them and I am fine with that. They never call, never send cards/gifts to me or Dh. Oh, FIL called once to ask me what time Dh's plane would arrive when he went for a visit. Dh came home and I said "Your father called." He said, "Who died?" And they, as well as SIL, borrowed money and never paid it back.

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Raising my baby RIGHT!!!!!!

All the cool babies are wearing cloth!

Luckily I have no problems with my MIL. FIL passed away and he was a great guy. My MIL tells everyone I'm her favourite DIL. Right now I'm the only DIL since the BIL is divorced. I get along great with the SIL's and BIL. Guess I can't complain.

My MIL is odd.. I think that is the best way to put it. There is always constant drama surrounding her. Drama in her health, drama in her living situation, drama in her everyday life. She rarely talks to any of us. FIL (they are divorce - only FIL is remarried) calls us about 3 times a year. He high-tailed it to the next state over after he got into trouble here. Plus, Step MIL's children are there. Her children are treated like kings/queens compared to his children. And grandchildren are the same way. It is pretty sad. My son has not seen FIL in 2 years. We can't travel because we have pets and a child in school. StepMIL and FIL don't work. Yet for some reason they don't want to set foot back into this state.

As for BIL's and SIL's : BIL (DH's brother) got DH picked up for driving on a suspended license 9 years ago, and to this day denies it. We have proof it was him (the arresting officer said that DH looked nothing like BIL and that BIL is the one he pulled over). SIL #1 decided to stand us up at Thanksgiving without so much as a phone call. SIL #2 has recently married (her 1st anniversary is the day after Christmas) and has matured a lot. I think we get along okay. #1 lives in Utah (hubby is in the Air Force) and #2 lives in Hawaii.

All family lives at least an hour away. Including my family. That is the way we like it. Too much drama surrounds close family. We prefer to pop the bubble on occasion, not live in it.

We did not get along at first. I met DH in college and MIL was NOT ready to let go. DH is 2nd of 4 kids and the one they had the least problems with growing up. Also DHs younger sister and older brothers wife joined with MIL to trash me. FIL was always nice and accepting. Finally I'd had enough and basically told them all DH & I (actually BF at the time) will be BF & I no matter what. I'm not leaving or going anywhere. We can come around or not...doesn't matter to me. It took a while and some work on all our parts, but now I wouldn't trade any of them for the world. We dated 4 years and have been married 17 and I love them all. We all get along great. I feel lucky we got it worked out.

Lisa

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"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

My MIL spends a great deal of time trying to stir up things in the family. Luckley, we are all on to her.
I feel sorry for her because she truely "has it all" and is still a miserable person. He sons can't stand her and really make no secret of it. All of us DIL"S just avoid her and her judgemental ways, we are good mothers...regardless of what she implies.
When I search for a reason as to why we have people like this in our lives I feel like it is because somewhere is a lesson, with Martha, it is how NOT to be a MIL or mother. I wrote on her Christmas card that we would pray for her inner peace, because that is really what the problem is.

you can add my MIL to the odd list...
let's see:
she never told my dh who his father is,and still refuses to this day to tell...
fist dinner we had all together (dh ,MIL her husband and me) she kept calling me by my dh 's ex GF name
one time she gave me a 800 phone number to a battered women shelter.and she told me in case you ever need it....
she couldn';t attend our wedding (no matter what date we would chose) ,because she had to take care of a yard sale...she even said to my hubby: don't worry ,I am sure I will be able to come to your next one.we have been married 14 years.(by the way we eloped)

in a nutshell ,she can;t stand her son ,my dh..

My FIL is a pretty great guy, but when you tick him off, watch out! He has been on disability for almost a year so he calls me to see where I am off to for the day and if it's good, he tags along. We do have fun and he usually comes over on Sundays and DH and him do some work around the house, it's cute and it gives him something to do.

My MIL is in the bin with the rest of them here. We had a HUGE fight a couple years ago about her and her not saying very nice things about me, and she hasn't really liked me since we got married 10 years ago. My SIL and her ganged up on me and I still don't talk to her unless necessary and things will never be the same. She's a mean, depressed woman and she just always has something nasty to say to me. I try to be nice, but it is really hard sometimes, she can be so nasty that it really stings. I feel very bottom of the barrel compared to the other half of the family.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I get along with my MIL great. She has always been very nice to me and supported my husband and I in our decisions even when she doesn't completely agree with them or when others thought we were crazy. My husband and his mother are very close since he is an only child and she raised him without his father being around, but she is still respectful of our relationship together. Last year, she moved from another state and is now living right next door to us. We joke about it being an "Everybody Loves Raymond" type situation, but it's really not because she is not intrusive or overbearing at all.
Debby

My father in law passed away a year before we got married-he was a sweet man, up in years but with a great sense of humor. Prided himself on the fact that he was a Princeton grad and that he was a direct descendant of Jonathan Edwards the great Theologian, plus 4 presidents. He was a saint for living with the MIL for as long as he did (50 years)..she was a drunk, drug abusing, nasty woman who hated my husband (who was their adopted son and only child)...she hated me, my daughters, and mostly-hated herself. She died when my youngest was 9 months old. I can honestly say it was a blessing. She smoked 4 packs of unfiltered cigs a day-ended up with throat cancer, and died in the Veterans hospital 5 months after she was diagnosed. One of her last words to me as she handed me her diamond rings (for safekeeping for my oldest daughter) were...
"you're never to wear these rings!"...after she died and we ended up having to deal with her 30,000 dollars worth of debt that she left (long story)..I put the ring on and wore it for 22 years. I swear it brought me bad luck!~ When my daughter turned 20 I gave it to her, and all of a sudden-things turned brighter for me!