My mother has signs and lets say symptoms of Parkinson's Disease. She has a tremor in her arm and she is very weak and dizzy. I am not sure if she is depressed but she could be because my father passed away 3 years ago and she hasn't been the same since. My mother is only 64 not old by any means. She has stopped working and driving (which is a good thing, she was never a good driver to begin with). She is in NY and I am in FL. My brother and one sister both leave near her. But my brother just had his 6th child and my sister works 2 jobs and goes to school for her MS and has 3 children. My mother is in this big house, 5 bedrooms, all alone, except for the cat. This is only half of the problem, the other day she let in a Kirby dealer. She got a new vacuum last month. He shows her how it works, distracts her in another room and steals her wallet. I told her that she is lucky to be alive, the man could have done alot of other things to her!

My brother thinks I am over reacting. I really want to move her to a small place and some where that she is closer to someone who can check up on her. I know she will never move out of NY, that is where she has lived her whole life. I just don't know what to do with her.

It may be time to have a 3-way phone conversation with your brother and sister. If you are all concerned about her physical and mental condition, she needs to have a complete physical to start. I don't know if she is resistant to this, but certainly there is power in numbers, and if all of you tell her how concerned you are, and make the appt for her & arrangements for one of you to be there for the appt, it could be an opportunity to discuss with the doctor & your mom what is happening. If her judgment seems impaired (which I what I am infering from your story about letting a stranger in the house), a good physician can help evaluate that as well, and make a referral if neurological testing is needed.

I would guess she is probably frightened if she feels she is deteriorating and doesn't know what to do. Lots of love and encouraging words can help her get the information you all need to make decisions about the future.

I know how difficult this situation is, as my mom has had lots of challenges since my father died and my siblings and I have to take each day as it comes and try to make the best decisions we can. Good luck, and I hope you have some peace of mind about your mom soon.

Since everybody is so busy ,fix her up with some kind of Medalert company.Those devices you wear,where you only have to press a button a medical crew is there.Its sad that she has to be alone but taking her away from her home might be even more detrimental.If she gets terminally ill, eventually you will have no choice but to put her in a home for elderly people but unfortunately that usually isn't until something bad happens.Just think of it this way,if something is going to happen,it will most likely happen whether your with her or not.
I know its tough deciding when to just take over and stop letting her make her own desicions.But just try to let her be happy and content for as long as possible. Nursing homes are HORRIBLE.I was a nurses aid and there is a LOT of bad stuff that goes on in those places,so try to keep her out of those as long as possible.

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Would it be possible to find someone to live with her ? She has the room, but would she want a housemate ? Maybe another widow?

Granny I was thinking the same thing.

My grandmother was in a similar state. She is 94, lived alone in NJ (my parents are in SC) and shook horribly when she ate, etc. After she took a bad fall my parents moved her into an assisted living facility 2 miles from there home. It has been a complete turn around. She looks great, doesn't shake anymore, blood pressure has improved. The reason? She wasn't eating well. Just tea and toast or soup. Now she is getting proper nutrition, daily interaction/stimulation with other people, goes to various classes and get togethers the center has (singing, exercise, crafts, bingo) and has made a complete turn around. If your mother is not eating well and is lacking in human interaction, it may be contributing to her poor health and general well being.

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First thing I would do ...Is have your sister or brother take her to the doctor for a check up..She needs to find out what is going on, it could be something simple going on with her

I was diagnosed with a B-12 Deficiency 3 years ago. I was 36 at the time when they caught it.. Most doctors told me my problems were due to lack of sleep ,stress & smoking ...

I thought, I was a hypoconate- my symptoms were--sluge speech, dizziness, depression,weakness in limbs twitching, unbalance. headaches,forgetfullness, cold feet & hands, backaches , problems with knees locking up.low blood pressure, arm falling asleep, tingling sensations,numbness in the face, high heart beat (over 100 beats per min) breathing problems & finally chapped lips.. The doctor that caught it went solely on my chapped lips problems

I receive B-12 injections monthly. The shot has worked wonders... I still get my words mixed up and sometimes experience sluge speech and have backaches on occasion but I believe it is permanent damage because they didn't catch it early...This went on for 4 to 5 years.They never expect it because of my age. ----a B-12 Deficiency is usually found in people who over the age of 50

Getting a room mate like the op suggested is a great ideal.. My mother in law sold her house and move to a different state to live next to her dd. At first she blamed her for talking her into it, but once she settled in and made new friends she seems to be happier there. Of course a roommate was out of the question with her-- she is a complainer and would of drove her roomate nuts..lol

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Angels may not come when you call them, but they'll always be there when you need them.

I agree with Angel. First things first...Get your mother checked. Symptoms that she is having could be anything but if she does have Parkinson's you need to know and she needs to be on the right meds.

Next your mother is still young. She is young enough to say"Look your not doing well. What is your solution to all this? You need help and I can't keep worring about what is going on with you. Also you do not want me to worry about what is going on with you.

If your mother comes up with nothing and your brother and sister are unwilling to help you have some tough decisions to make. She cannot keep going down the road she is traveling.

Your mom needs to make decisions again she is only 64 that is YOUNG!

If her health is compromised then as children we need to step in if she is unable to do so.

Only you know your mom best...Would she be good with another person living with her? Would she do well in an assisted living home? Would she do better in a nursing home? Would she do well with living with one of her children? Would it be better if she just lived close to one of her children? These are all very hard questions but they are solutions.
I do not envy you at all. Watching a parent go down hill stinks. Again you know your Mom but you have to do something!

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I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

Life! is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.

64 is not old. I'll be 60 in April myself!
My son tries putting me in any nurseing home in 4 years and he'll have a real fight on his hands!

There are certainly a lot of ideas for helping those who need help, but I think the "approach" is the most important thing.
The first step is somehow convinceing the elderly mother that she needs help and therefore something has to change.
As long as she thinks she doesn't need to change anything, she won't coooperate with any of the ideas no matter how well intended they are.

My elderly mother is 79. Never drove, lives in a upstairs apt alone.
It's 13 stairs to get up there and takes her a good 15 min to do it cuz she has spinal problems, knee problems, muscles problems and to top it off her ankles are so bent they are nearly useless without braces on. The braces are built of lightweight material but still too heavy for her to lift her leg with them on. it's not a new problem but it does get worse all the time. Shes uses a Walker but for the stiars she uses one cane and banister. Her newest Walker is at the top of the stiars and the old Walker is at the bottom of the stairs.
I keep telling her this is a bad accident waiting to happen. She informs me she hangs on good and will never fall on the stairs.
She has been there about 29 years and is not into changeing.

For 2 years (YES 2 years) I have suggested, nagged, argued and begged her to let me find her a downstairs apt.
She says she can't. She has all kinds of excuses, financial reasons are logical and I do understand her reasons there, but the excuse she mentions most is that she has to "sort" her stuff before moving.. so the sorting is going mighty slow if you ask me.
I gave up and don't nag her any more.

Surprise.. my adult son suddenly has decided those stairs of his grandmas are too dangerous for her!
He is nagging me to nag her!

My siblings have hit the same stone wall I have in convinceing her.

BUT she is beginning to agree "sort of"
She has begun sorting out her personal library of books lately and had me take a lot to the Library Book Sale and and other stuff to the Goodwill. It's a step in the right direction. she has started agreeing with me about the stairs and admits she needs to move.

But she is gonna do it at her own pace..not mine. She is in no hurry.

So I believe that's the real problem.. convinceing the elderly to agree to the "change" you have in mind

My mother also won't wear one of those lifeline thingys.
She flat out refuses!

Her mind is fine (except she loves talking about the past).
So we can't force her to change.. but we are working hard at convinceing her.
I think the convinceing is the biggest hurdel.

Think out your reasons and methods for convinceing her.
Good luck.

first get her checked out with a dr.
IF they find some medical reason for her tremors, ask for a home care nurse to come check on her .
Possible set up home delivered meals so she will eat hot healthy meals. most of my clients who are alone say it is to much trouble to cook a meal for just themselves, they will eat soup or a sandwich and this is not very healthy .
I agree with whoever said poss. renting our rooms. that would be a great help for her and make her a little extra income. But be sure to run a criminal background check on whoever she decides to rent to.
there is also agencies who will send someone out to the house to do the house work , cook, take her on outings and dr's .
sounds like she is depressed to me. the vaccum man was just someone to talk to for her. But that is not very safe for anyone these days to let anyone inside their home.
a life line would be great for her also.

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Thank you all for your responses. My mother really has gone down hill since my fathers death. Within six months of his death she looked like she aged 10 years. She has been to numberous doctors, one told her to drink wine!! They will not say yes or no to Parkinson but I do believe she has it. I know her diet isn't the best. I will check out the B-12 issue, you never now. The funny thing is my father use to drive for Wheels for Meals, they would bring meals to the shut-in, and drive them to doctor appointments, and now my mother could use this service. My father use to say he has to go drive the old people around, the funny thing is these people where at his funeral. My mother is too set in her ways to have a roommate. I just want her to move closer to my brother in a smaller place. They do have condos near him for people over 60. His mother-in-law lives in one. Plus my brother is called on to do all the work around the house for her. He just cann't, he has 6 kids!

I know 64 is not old but maybe to my mother it is because her mother died at 65. I know that being in that big house all day alone has to be boring. I don't want to move her to a "home", that is not the place for her. I am just not sure what to do.

Thanks for listening!

There are many things that can be attributed to the same signs and symptoms of Parkinsons. Have her checked (and rechecked) by qualified individuals before assuming she has Parkinsons. It could simply be a pinched nerve that is causing her problems. When I was in nursing school, one of the things a wonderful doctor taught us was that you never want to self diagnose because there are millions of medical conditions that portray the same side effects. I hope you find out what is wrong with her soon so that she can be treated.

I mentioned assisted living before and just want to clairfy that it is not a "home". My grandmother has her own one bedroom "apartment". It is a bedroom, bathroom, living room and little kitchen/dining area. She has her own furniture there. Pets are allowed where she lives. She takes her meals in a common dining room but has the option to prepare her own meal in her room. (she has a microwave, fridge, toaster, just not a stove/oven) The meals are prepared specifically for each resident (low salt, diabetic, doesn't like carrots won't put carrots on her plate.) She sits with the same group of ladies for each meal. She does her own housekeeping, but they will clean weekly if she wants. They do her laundry. Basically they provide minimal assistance if it is required (dispensing medication, assisting with dressing, etc) but residents have to be pretty self sufficient to live there. No one is walking around in their pajamas or anything. If someone requires 24 hours nursing care or monitoring they cannot reside there. Residents can come and go as they please. They also have field trips and outings for them, to events or restaurants or shopping. The residence is lovely, bright and cheerful. The improved nutrition she has received and the human interaction/mental stimulation have done wonders. She lived alone in her house for 15 years after my grandfather died and just sat in her living room all day, watching tv. Now she is active and thriving.

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