First I want to say if you have a child reading with you please close this thread and read it later (but please read it later). I do not want to start some uncomfortable questions.

I know God has a plan for everyone but sometimes I do not understand why he allows some things to happen. A perfect example is my brother, Ryon, and his girlfriend, Melissa. These people aren't the best people on the planet. They have been using drugs for years and will not admit they have a problem. They have produced a child that they were/are unable to care for. This child, as many of you know, is our daughter Alice. (PLease see thread titled "whats wrong with these people" from a few weeks ago for complete story about Alice.) We are finally reaching the end of the Alice-Ryon-Melissa-State drama. I get a phone call today from my mom. Melissa is 3 month pregnate. Tears come to my eyes at the thought of this. This is not her first pregnacy since Alice. She has had a few abortions also. There are so many people on this earth that would make great parents that are unable to have kids and then there are people like this that can't seem to use birth control.

I would like to think that they will stop using this time for the health and safety of this unborn baby but after all we have been through with them I find this hard to do. I know they both are still smoking pot. I do not know about other drugs. If this child is born with any drugs in its system, including pot, the courts will remove the child from the hospital. Since we have Alice we will probably be the first one they call. We do not have room in our house for another child but I feel a responsability to keep Alice close to her siblings. The thought of this baby being raised by strangers saddens me. I just don't know what to do. To take on another child we would have to move into a larger house and get a larger car. Another option would be my sister taking him/her. That would be difficult though because she lives in Alaska. Her husband is in the Airforce and they will be there for another 18 months. After that they will be in the contanintal US. We would then move to what ever state they are in so the kids can be raised together.

Thanx for listening. We are praying that whatever is best for this baby is what happenes. Our hearts can handle another one, our house can't. Please pray for this baby too.

----------------------------------------UPDATE----------------------------------------------------------------

Now I am really angry. The baby was up all night throwing up. We had to change her bedding and shower her after the first time and I held her while she threw-up into a towel the rest of the time. This morning we had a sitter come over to watch the kids while we went to court. We sat in a hallway at the courthouse for over 3 hours until the last of the people waiting had been seen. More time passed. I finally asked someone that kept going in and out of the room what was happening next. She asked what case we were with then told us it had an "X party continueance." This means everyone agreed to continue the case without auctually going to court. What makes me mad is no one told us about it. Iwould have much rather been home taking care of my sick baby and saved $60 then go to court when I didn't have to. I have been leaving messages with our social worker since thursday and she never returned my calls. Now I have spent time and money because she was too busy to handle our case. So I called and left a message for her supervisor. It wasn't very detailed but it did state how I have been trying to get ahold of our worker and she never let us know about court this morning. I hope someone calls me back today.

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TLJ ~ Where opinions are encouraged, not deleted

You laugh at me because I am different,
I laugh at you because you are all the same.

Your mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open.

Keep in mind that right now your emotions are raw. Nearly 21 years ago I got pregnant and found out it was twins. 8 years earlier I had a twin pregnancy that resulted in my daughter who is now 29 and a son who lived for 3 days. I delivered at 26 weeks and was devastated. When we found out that we were having another set of twins I imagined all the worst. We had a small car, a small house, 2 older kids, I couldn't work while I was pregnant because of all the risks and we had a small diner that my husband and I worked at alone. HOW ON EARTH WERE WE GOING TO MANAGE??? 21 years later, I look back on that time and can't exactly laugh but realize that we did it. Was it easy? Heck no. But we got through it. I wasn't as indespensible as I thought at the diner. We suffered through buckling 2 car seats in the back of a 2 door car. We ended up adding a bedroom onto our house after a year of having the cribs in our dining room.

At times you wonder if God really knows what he's doing. Give your situation a few days or a few weeks of thought. The right answer will come to you. These 2 children are so lucky to have you in their lives to give them the love and care that their own parents are unable to. My prayers are with you.

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What a mess. I'm sorry this pain is in all your lives, and I am sure Alice is blessed to have you to love and care for her.

If this pregnant woman (rather than use the word mother, I think I'd have to use something a bit nastier, so we'll leave it at that) has a history with the courts of using drugs during pregnancy and giving birth to drug addicted/affected babies, they should be notified of her condition. There are social workers involved who have the responsibility to do whatever is necessary to protect this child.

You can only do so much, and you are already doing more than that. Pray for all of them, and I hope there is some answer that protects this baby.

We go to court tomorrow to (hopefully) termanate parental rights and free Alice up for adoption(by us). I will give the courts this new information along with thier new address and phone number. I have also already told our social worker about the pregnancy.

And we politely refere th them as "The Doners." We figured thats as involved as they have been. Or "The Birth Parents."

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TLJ ~ Where opinions are encouraged, not deleted

You laugh at me because I am different,
I laugh at you because you are all the same.

Your mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open.

I am sorry your going through this. My friend pulled the same crap with her family .. 7 kids later she finally got her tubes tied . I can't offer any advice. I think this is a decision that you will have to make as to what's best for your family. My thoughts are with all of you.

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Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

Nellyhill,

My prayers are with you for tomorrow's meeting! I hope all goes well, and that parental rights are terminated tomorrow. That would be a wonderful gift for Alice and you!!!

I'll also pray that the outcome of the new situation will be what is best for all. You are a wonderful mom - God bless you!!!!

It is hard to understand some people sometimes, who knows what your brother and girlfriend are thinking?!

Like a previous posted said, we always seem to manage what God gives us. As we all look back I am sure we can think of times that we thought we would not get through, but we do, a little scarred yes, but we make it. It even makes us stronger and better people for it I think.

I understand not wanting to be responsible for their mistakes and that is a gut reaction, let it sit for a while, you have a few months to figure things out yet. The fact that your heart can handle another one sort of tells me what will happen though.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

You will make the best decision for you, your daughter Alice and the new child when the time comes....it will all work out because you have right on your side. Bless you for your support of those who do not receive the support and love from the birth parents.

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"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.

One of the big reasons I believe that God allows us to experience drug addiction and other things like homelessness, rape, etc is so we will know it. To have lived through challenges and come out stronger means you have developed strength and character.
The best counselors and helpers are the ones who have been through it. A former drug addict can understand what other addicts are going through and can help them.
Now it is up to your brother and his girlfriend to have some sort of epiphany. Maybe your family can arrange an intervention.
They used to say you can't force someone into treatment however these days they believe (rightly so) that you just get the person into treatment by force by hook or by crook and once they are in and start to come down from the drugs they start realizing things and can't get more drugs so they are forced to begin dealing with their feelings.
Good luck and I hope they come to their senses soon.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

My prayers are with you

Why are drug addicts allowed having children? I dont know. I dont know why life sometimes can appear so unfair. BUt i was a result of an addicted mother. My twin brother died within hours of his birth from complications probably stemming from this. But because I was born into and grew up around this type of situation, I have a unique thirst for life, for clear, straight days and I cherish a lot of things people take for granted.
I know there are some very bad people out there, but I've also learned there are angels walking the Earth. For as much hell as I went through, I've also witnessed miracles.
You are an angel and whether you decide to take in this child once it is born or not, you've opened your house and heart already and that means everything to a child. You've given this child a chance. Good luck to you and those children and you are in my prayers.

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Not all those that wander are lost.

I say God Bless you for taking in the first child and I know you probably feel responsible because this new baby is family, but in reality how many babies can you take on? What if they keep having them? At some point they HAVE to be held responsible for their actions.

Ya thier should be a law that she would have to get fixed but we know that wont happen. So what you can do it whats right maybe it is taking on another baby I know I would probably do it. I have 3 kids now & when I found out I was having my 3rd the same thoughts floated in my head I did have to sale my car & buy a 4 door that happened super fast thankfully & I did have to make adustments at home but I wouldnt trade her for the world!!! Maybe if you take the baby things will work out just fine they always seem to ya know & I think someone from above will take care of you guys for being such great people!!!!

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mom of 3 greats girls

Thank you for the encouragement. I feel a little better about the situation today but I am still in shock. Thank you for all the encouragement.

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TLJ ~ Where opinions are encouraged, not deleted

You laugh at me because I am different,
I laugh at you because you are all the same.

Your mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open.

Having been a Social Worker in the past, I bet your Social Worker was sick and wasn't able to get in contact with you, maybe her child was sick or she had a family emergency or a death in the family. She most likely does not have any of your information at home, if she was not working maybe she did ask someone in the office to call you and they dropped the ball? I never took paperwork home as it was not allowed by the agency (unless it was on call CPS stuff) . When you didn't see her waiting in court for the case didn't you wonder? Unfortuantely they do not schedule times in most courts it's just sit and wait for you case to be called. Next time when you get there check with the court clerk (the person calling the cases) they will tell you where on the docket you are or if the case has been continued, etc. How disappointing for you!