I was wondering if this occurs with others. Does it ever hurt your feelings if a family member gives you a cheap, no thought whatsoever gift? My IL's are notorious for this.. I know it should not matter the cost but when you put no thought into it at all then it bothers me. My IL's are the type to give my kids even, their grandchildren, a cheap..no thought or clueless gift every single year. For example, one year they gave my 12 year old a pack of gum for christmas. They gave his brother, my younger son, age 6 squirt guns. There was snow on the ground, and he got squirt guns..the type in a pack of 3 for $2 squirt guns. It bothers me because we , my dh and I..try to put thought into our gifts. I would buy mil candles from QVC or food baskets. It is not that they do not have money..they are presently building a 5 stall garage right now in their backyard..and here it is , what? the 22nd ? & they still have not sent the kids a gift or for that matter even a gift card.

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I feel you!! my mil is the same way.. I got dust rags for Christmas last year. she asked me this year what she should get my son( her grandson) I told her the Diego activity center would be great or a Diego t shirt..something along those lines... she got him a pack of 8 crayons... I totally understand the frustration and hurt you feel!

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Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

Ohhhhh my SIL is bad about this.

I don't care how much you spend on a gift. Heck something free can be the best gift in the world if there is thought behind it. If there is no thought then its just cheap.

I used to bend over backwards to buy things for my SIL. I would spend time picking out just the right gift. Cost didnt matter if I thought that it was something she would really like. Every year for like 10 years I would do this. And in return I would get some no thought gift that was honestly cheap. Same with my son and DH. We would get these items thank them then later ask each other What was she thinking?

So finally last year I started doing the same. I don't stress myself at all over her gift anymore I just go to the store grab one of the pre-made gifty items throw it in a bag and done. DH says Im petty. Maybe I am. But like I tried to explain to him its not the gift its the thought behind it and there is no thought at all behind it. I like candles everyone knows this I have up to 12 candles burning at one time all the time. I line my mantle and windows with them. I burn tarts all the time. Something simple as a couple of candles would make my day.

Anyways sorry to vent. I guess I am getting it off my chest before Monday because I complain to DH every year about the what was she thinking.

The first year dh and I were married we did not have any money at all..IL's bought us 2 cheap, plastic, battery operated candle sticks. I could not believe it..and to make it worse, the candlesticks had suction cup bottoms that "popped up" when the suction ended. We refer to them to this day as the hopping candle sticks. I see them ever so often in stores and feel like buying them for their gifts as sort of a pay back. Btw..that was the only gift we got that year. we could of used anything that year..a can opener, a towel..but we got the candlesticks.

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I am so glad to hear my MIL is not the only one that does this. My girls, ages 10, 5 and 4. Get happy meal toys almost every year for christmas. She eats happy meals for lunch at least a couple times a week, she saves the toys and wraps them for the kids. She spends more to ship them from California then she pays for them. Of course, my little ones are okay with some of them, but my 10 yr. old, just hands them over to the other 2. She has also sent them ink pens from her doctors office before, wrapped up. That one really made my eyes roll.
It's almost kind of a game now, we all guess as to how cheap and strange the gifts will be this year.
Oh, and btw, it's not money that's the reason here either, they have plenty to go around, my husband collects coins (expensive mint sets) and she gets him several of those each year for christmas, I generally get nothing (been married 15 years), and the kids get the happy meal toys and junk.
Oh well, it gives us a good laugh anyhow.

Tracy
mom2cms@sbcglobal.net

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working mom and full time student to 3 great girls.
Caele Merelene (10/29/96)
Ceyanna Marie (4/27/01)
Ceeara Marryn (5/31/02)

Wow & I thought my IL's were bad my kids get $10 walmart gcs from her every year!!! And from what I hear she gave her other kids its not like this is all she can afford oh she dont even know when my kids bdays are or how old they are & not like she has alot of grandkids!!!

I admit I give alot of free cheap gifts but they are expensive I just have a way of getting them free this year I bought dd's bestfriend a diamond necklace for $3 new at kohls & my brother a nascar clock thats a good size too & nascar bathroom set all for $6 with my nascar race points & my brother loves racing. So I feel I do but thought into them & hope they love them & no one knows how cheap I am really.

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mom of 3 greats girls

Not that it really makes a difference. But my own grandmother hasn't sent me or my son (her great-grandson) a gift or card in many,many years. Since my grandfather passed away. I spoke to her yesterday she informed me that her and her SO were going to Vegas on Jan. 3rd.

It really hurts my feelings that she can't send us even a Christmas or Birthday card. My sons birthday was last week he got zip, notta nothing not even a phone call. I have to call her or I wouldn't ever hear from her at all. Then I have only certain times of the day I am allowed to call as they nap in the afternoons and can't be bothered with phone calls.

Hmm, it depends. My ILs dont have a lot of money and MIL isnt the sentimental kind. Bothered me at first because my family is known for searching all over for that one perfect gift- one that just FITS the recipient. But MIL isnt like that. HOWEVER, she gets what she thinks will be enjoyed. House items, practical things, etc. So i do appreciate it. As a wedding fit, she got us a full thing of oil for our heat. LOVED THAT!!

Now, on the other hand. I had a best friend- we had been best friends since second grade and she WAS my DD's godmother. She has her own business and makes awesome money. She would come to my DD's b-day parties and give her VHS tapes of cartoons she had taped- they were NOT even cartoons my daughter watched. It got so insulting I told her that we wouldnt exchange anymore. (And, no, this isnt why we are no longer friends- but i'm not the only one fed up with it.) She would throw a party and once you got there, she'd ask for $10 to help cover food and drinks (pizza and beer). That sorta thing. So that hurt my feelings but i realize it is just how she is.

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Not all those that wander are lost.

I don't want expensive gifts from friends and family who cannot afford to give. That makes me more uncomfortable than "cheap" gifts.

I just figure those who give thoughtless gifts (ie. gum as another poster listed) just are too preoccupied with themselves to think about what is appropriate gifts, so I just blow it off.

Bonnie

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All you can do is All you can do-- But All you can do is enough!!!

In our family your lucky to even get a Christmas card ,let alone a gift,so I'm absolutely thrilled whenever I get a present from anyone.I don't care what it is.The fun part for me is just opening a pretty package that has "my" name on it.Makes me feel special.I don't care whats inside.

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I don't mind a cheap gift, because that's just how some people are. Although I have told my cheap friends I'd rather just get a card. It's the thoughtless gifts that annoy me and I have been known to give a few back. I don't really care if I hurt their feelings since they don't care about mine.

The worst however are the gifts that are meant to be insulting. For years we've exchanged gifts with my husband's cousins. Even if we didn't always get them the perfect gifts, you could tell that thought (& $$$) were put into them. When they had kids the gifts got even better, especially with deals found on these boards. One cousin even told her kids to be nice to us because we give "great gifts". That year her family gave us set of orange plaid place mats. My kitchen was yellow.

My aunt was notorious for bad gifts. She usually would give handmade gifts or gifts that she had recieved from others. One year I was ripping the wrapping paper off of her gift and the name tag was laying there (the cheap 1000 for $100 type strips) and it was a tag that my grandmother had written her name on from the year before. It would make my mom mad since she would always make sure that their family would get good gifts. AH, I just remember that she gave my grandfather a pair of flipflops. That burned my grandmother up, but it was always good for a laugh and we still joke about it.

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I go with it's always the thought not the gift that is why cheap gifts get to me. They have no thought put into them. I do not give a gift unless I would want it. My BIL gave my dd's a 1000 piece puzzle when they were 7 & % years old, and it had the price of $1.99 on it. I actually told them they open up someone else's gift, because who would give that to a child?

I am glad that I am not the only one with cheap and tacky relatives!

Well if my inlaws were broke I wouldn't mind but they live in a luxurious penthouse and own a new lexus and Cadillac. My kid got a hot cocoa mug set worth 5.00. The other 2 got clearance makup sets. I feel bad being like this but there is not effort on her part at all. She cries how she has 11 grandchildren. God splurge and give them 20.00 each. Oh that might take away from the beachfront condo they spend 6 months a year in.
Well I tell myself theres more to Christmas and out of respect for my hubbie I don't say anything just facial expressions haha.
Guess you can say I am a bit peeved

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I wouldn't say "cheap" gifts hurt my feelings. Thoughtless gifts given out of a sense of obligation tick me off. Cash (not GCs) also ticks me off, if you can't spend a few moments choosing something with care and thought, don't bother.

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I hear ya. Last year, I got a sweater and tutleneck from MIL. The problem was I had worked hard to lose 25 lbs. up to that time and it was at least a size bigger than my OLD size! SO, it was 2+ sizes too big. I think it was a case of "the price was right". Shirts are EASY to size ( you know..small, medium, large.... It was off 2 of those sizes!) At a size 12, I am the "BIG" one of the family and I think she just sees that I am "larger"...ugh.

This is the same woman who bought all the kids gifts by the end of October, but couldn't remember what they were. We offered an idea that would thrill our almost 13 yo. in the price range she tells us she spends. She told us she had his done and she "wasn't going for thrilled" hen she bought the gifts! WHAT? Who buys gifts intending NOT to make someone happy? Weird....

My family is somewhat different. My dad... he kind of bums me out. He doesnt want to "buy" anything because he doesnt want to pay shipping. So he always sends money. A decent amount ($100 each adult $50 each kid), but I would rather him spend $10-$30 and get something he took time buying. Something he put some thought into. Like I got him a monogramed wallet and the LL Bean sweater. I looked for stuff I thought HE would like. I could just throw a check in a card but that is so cold and impersonal

My husbands parents usually buy the kids off the wall stuff. Like my 10 yr old is going to get a pink cowgirls hat but.. at least my MIL is putting some thought and idea into the gifts. They may be WEIRD gifts, but they have some IDEA behind them.

If we needed cash it would be different. But we dont. Id rather a gift from the heart.

Mi IL's just send a check every year-birthdays and Christmas. I think it would be nice for them to actually go out shopping, pick a gift, wrap it, and give it to my child. They are coming to visit this year, so in addition to shopping for my kids from DH and I and Santa, I need to buy and wrap from the IL's too. I do remember one time when my DS turned one and they came down for his party. They gave him two "experienced" toys aka thrift store. They weren't even that clean-I thought that was pretty tacky.., so I guess the checks are better, but still....DH and I do try to put a lot of thoughts in their gifts, and they are not easy to buy for at all. I think DH and I are extremely easy to buy for-just ask me what I want and I will give you a whole big list! Lol...As far as my parents go, my mom is pretty good about coordinating w/ me as far as what she is giving the kids. That helps out a lot, and she knows that the gifts will be well-received by my kids.

I have an aunt like that. No thought whatsoever, whatever she grabs off the clearance/trash pile is it.

She gets off the wall stuff to, one year my dad got a "hunting hat" , it was a fluffy Russian-looking thing that he would never wear.

The best one is one we still laugh about. My poor dad, again!, got the doosie.
He got a too small flannel shirt that was mis-sewn so you couldn't get one arm into it!
She said she was going to replace it but never has, years later.....lol
We take bets on what is coming next!

Glad I moved away and don't have to wonder what I will get next....lol

You know, its so comforting to hear I'm not alone! My mother has never, ever once sent us a card, present or even made a phone call on birthdays or Christmas. And again, its certainly not the money. She's bought my step-brothers new Harley Davidson motorcycles, hunting equiptment, etc. But never once has she made an effort in our direction. I don't mind for myself or my husband, but its hard to explain to my 15 yr old daughter why grandmom doesn't care. Any communication she has with her is because we call her. My dh and friends say to give up and not call her at all, but somehow I feel I wouldn't be setting the right example for my daughter if I did that. It's a tough one, especially since my inlaws are gone and there are no aunts or uncles. Maybe someday I will understand.

But our season will be bright and joyful...Merry Chirstmas everyone!

Wow!!! I have never heard of these kind of gifts. Did he really get a pack of gum?

I would rather you not get me a gift if you are not going to put any thought in it.

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TLJ ~ Where opinions are encouraged, not deleted

You laugh at me because I am different,
I laugh at you because you are all the same.

Your mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open.

I think gift cards are ok these days. My DD12 is so hard to buy for and my DS10 really likes anything electronic. My parents buy them something small and then include a gift card so they can pick out the gift the kids really want. I'd feel really bad if my kids received something they just didn't care for and wouldn't use. This way it works for us all.

Merry Christmas!

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Shari
mom to Sarah and Nicky

Your mother sounds exactly like my grandmother. Are you sure you aren't a long lost aunt of mine LoL