When I started datingn my husband 5 years ago I had my own apartment and I was pregnant with my only son who is now 5 years old. He lived with his sister, her husband and 2 kids in a 2 bedroom apartment. He used to pay close to $800 in bills hte breakdown is $300 per month on longdistance calls (now I am talking about back in 2001 when these free long distance all day and night did not exist), $300 to help with the rent, $100 for food which he barely eat in her place anyway and $100 for light or gas. We spent so much time together and were very open with one another that 6 months later we agreed it would be best if we lived together. At the time I had a 3 bedroom apartment one which was a play area for baby w/ heat included for $550 month the whole deal was that since we split the bills 50/50 he said to me wow I have a lot of money left over now before I couldn't see much of it so I told him I don't want to get in your business from when you lived with your sister, but between you paying practically most of her bills and lending her money she never paid you back and now you not doing that you actually can see what you make. We started with almost nothing and went through times we didn't have money for groceries. Now we own our own place and another location, both have the car we always wanted and just making the best of life. We got married this past summer and his sister is just ssssoooooooo jealous of our relationship everything about it. From how we always go 50/50 to the way we treat each other in public and just show our affection. In July my husband and I went to a birthday party for his cousin who was turning 35. We stood there for 3 hours and I was tired so I walked over to my husband who was near, but not next to his sister talking with the guys to ask him for the car keys so I can go home and he could catch a ride with someone well I don't know where his drunk sister came out saying don't talk to my brother like that bla, bla, bla I just simply told her you are so drunk that you are hearing things and if yuo have no idea what your brother and I are speaking about mind your business. She had the guts to raise her hand as if she was going to hit me so I reated faster than her and punched her in her face and when my husband saw I was not playing and I was going to punch her again he just grabbed her and pulled her away which was the best he could have done because I was not going to stop hitting her. I was just going to let all the one's I been waiting for to hit her out when she presented the oportunity. This night she was drunk and I wasn't at all as I am not a drinker except for new years or my birthday and I sure don't drink to get drunk or not know how to act or treat others, but this doesn't give a right to try to treat me as if I am no one. This night I told her all the truth to her face when my husband pulled her away. I told her don't play like you a victim in your house because you know your husband use drugs and that's why you always trying to see if my husband is stupid enough to make up for the bills your husband doesn't pay because he rather buy drugs. Don't play as if you the best mother because your own 15 year old son doesn't want to live with you any more he says you have preference for the 6 year old and we have seen how you always abuse the big one over the little one even when the little one lies and says the big one hit him. I also told her you see your own brother so happy with me that instead of you being happy for him you're so jealous of our relationship that you have tried everythignt o bring us apart and it p!$$e$ you off that it never works. Everything we do you want to do, but better and that's why you never progress in life. Do your own thing. I just went off and said everything I needed to say so I don't regret NOTHING. As you all now with the holidays here she had the guts of getting me a present just so my husband wouldn't feel bad. I know it was because of that so I told my husband I am not accepting that gift bring it back to her she may need it more than I and he's like, but she is sorry and I told him you and I already discused this matter and I don't plan on ever speakig with her for any reason. I never got involved in her relationship when her husband used to and still beats her so she had no business getting in my space when my husband and I weren't even arguing or anything like that I was just asking for my car keys. I see it like this she disrespected me once she will do it again and nothing not even the liquor justify what she did. After that whole drama I have felt so much better because I hate being around fake people and now my husband desn't go over there much at all because she opened up his eyes too. My husband has realized how much better we both do without them, their jealuosy and drama around.

Well, you obviously don't care for her and you know the feeling is mutual. You don't have to like her, but you should try to be civil for family occasions. You don't even have to talk to her, just don't talk badly to her. I would accept the gift and send a small one for her as well. You don't have to be best friends, but neither one of you needs to be rude to one another. You said your piece, and hopefully she was able to remember it the next day!

we stopped going to my hubbys family get togethers ( his idea, not mine) cause of his sister who always started a fight with someone . SHe would do this every time we all got together. I kinda liked going to see who she picked on each yr and see who was gonna put her in her place. she is arrogant, rude and a total B(*&^. No one in the family can put up with her. We had my hubby a birthday party one yr and didnt ask her. She found out and showed up wanting to yell at me cause she wasnt invited. I took it for about 5 min, and then I told her that she was not invited cause my hubby ( her brother) didnt want her there to cause a stink like she was causing and that since she wasnt invited, she was tresspassing and I was giving her 2 min. to get her butt back into the car and get the *&^% outa dodge. She left, spinning tires as she went out the drive and we all went back to having a good time.

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«·´¨*·.¸¸. Jo ¸¸.·*¨`·»
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I agree with the above. You need to try to be the better person and don't stoop to her level. You've said your piece now try to make the peace. Never is a long long time and you never know from day to day, week to week, or month to month what life will bring. One day something might happen where you or your husband (her brother) might need to have something to do with her. Keep your head high and act with dignity. It will pay off in the end.

Keep your contact with her to a minimum but when you do have to see one another, then YOU be the lady and let her be the tramp.

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What does the rest of the family think? Mainly your in-laws?
I agree, Take the gift-give it away if you want, but at least make the attempt.
Sometimes those that are abused and in that lifestyle don't know how to get out or react until everything comes crumbling down.

I agree with linnybop, you need to at least be civil. No matter how you feel she will always be his sister. You meanwhile, may not always be his wife. You have no clue what went on between the two of them before you came into the picture and frankly you sound just as jealous of their relationship as you claim she is of yours.

You've had your say and got your licks in, now just chill out and keep your distance as much as possible. When you have to see her, keep it to hello & goodbye as much as possible.

I have a SIL that just thinks she's a Princess. Everyone must cater to her when she's in town; the world revolves around her. She knows her own brother (my DH) can't stand her, as well as myself.

However, we "subject" ourselves to her for MIL sake. It would completely ruin her holidays not to have everyone together. Yes, it's rough but, we're civil and things are kept to a minimum between us.

Littlejo she along with her husband always form the fights in every party. They don't respect anyone's house and my hubby and I both had enough. They were the ones that opened up my hubands eyes to bring out the real them to his eyes. He's the one's that says well since they are at this person house I refuse to go over there so they can embarass me by fighting (and trust me he beats on her like she's a punching bag) my husband is tired of defending her and the next day she's all in peace with him at this point my husband said I am never getting in their fights because they are not every now and then they are everyday. My husband doesn't spend the holidays any where near them two all he does is go drop off presents and keep going. As far as in laws his mom and dad slip a long time ago, but both come together for the holidays. His dad lives here in town while his mom lives in Puerto Rico. This year my husband paid for her ticket round trip and he wanted her to spend time with him well no she couldn't spend any time at all with my husband because the princess needed her to cook and clean for her during her vacation. She fought with her husband everyday while her mom stood at her house, didn't have groceries in the house while her mom is staying there so my husband had to constantly call his mom to see if she had somethign to eat or he would bring her something. I told him your mom can say no to everything your sister do,b ut because she doesn't want her to feel bad his mom says she just ignores everything. She did try to let her know that if her relationship was so bad why doesn't she get out of it because everyday is worst and she tells her mom it's ok for him to treat her however he wants. My mother in law got so tired of it that without telling any of her kids she changed the trip ticket to leave early back to Puerto Rico and spend New Years over there by herself. She told my husband the night before the flight so he could take her and she already left. She told his sister that she would never come back over here on vacation this was last time she would be treated the way she was (all because of his sister) if hubby and I wanted to for us to visit her when we go on vacation to Puerto Rico so we already told her next year we are going to spend X-mas & New Years with her in PR. After all this I posted yesterday while at work yesterday night hubby got an emergency call to take care of her kids while she goes to the hospital with hubby guess what hubby had an over doze and broke 3 bones near the size of his face where his ear is because when he blacked out he felt face foward and his face landed on the side. He got lucky to be in stable contidion as of this morning so hopefully once he's out of the hospital he get's himself some drug counseling and she gets some counseling along with him because on top of drug he does they both drink almost 7 days a week. They both need to realize that they are the ones pushing their families away due to the drugs and alcohol. It makes them act totaly different and when you do the same thign everyday people just stop trying to help you. This year for New Years since his mom already left back to Puerto Rico this morning he told me to look for a last minute deal to go to New York or some where to celebrate New Year's so I am happy because we can use a getaway with our son and do soemthing out of the same old routine.

You are lucky she doesn't press assault charges against you. Is there a statute of limitations for assault in your state? I would accept the gift and just try to avoid her in the future, it doesn't make sense to get into trouble over her, just stay away. I understand that you have had enough and have been living with it for over 5 years, but the laws will not be on your side, since you assaulted her. I would just try to get past this incident being as nice as you can and hope she doesn't press charges against you.

I would like to suggest also, that you start trying to use paragraphs when you post. Your posts are very difficult to follow the way you have written them. When I am upset, I often write the way you have, but I do go back and add punctuation and paragraph dividers to make thing easier to follow.

Stay away as much as possible, but never say never. She might cha nge...she might have her eyes opened. Also, if they have kids, they will be your children's cousins....keep communication ope n somehow so the kids can get to know and respect each other.

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"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.

Given that you are concerned about the physical abuse between the SIL and her husband, it seems like it would be a good idea to avoid throwing punches yourself. I can't think of any situation where hitting and punching is the right answer .

I agree with the others that say to "take the high road" and treat everyone in the situation as you would like to be treated. Try to set an example with your own actions.

cj/

WOW... SIL's can be hard to take. My husband has just one sister along with two brothers and she is very difficult. To start with she resented me coming into his life and her losing her status as his main female. She also resented when we had kids because he had always been a very doting uncle to her kids and spoiled them. When I came along we still did our best to dote but it was both of us. She has tried in all sorts of sneaky ways to come between us and have a hand up on me, but in the end she has failed.

The fact is, the more push back I gave my husband about his sister, the more I pointed out her flaws, the more defensive he was about her. Had I ever physically confronted her he certainly would have been on her side just as he would be on mine had she done it to me. the answer was to step back, minimize contact, and let him see her glaring flaws on his own, and believe me, he did.

He can see now that there is always turmoil in his family and it is always centered around his sister. There is always someone that she is not speaking to, often her very own son and then not only is she not speaking to him but often trying to turn others against him as well. He has also seen how she turned on me for an imagined snub. He has seen her complete lack of interest in his (our) children and NOTHING has spoken as loudly to him as that. That alone breaks his heart. He has seen that through serious health crisises in our family she has shown not a bit of interest.

Unfortunately the most damage she does revolves around her extremely close relationship with their mother. Their mom cannot see the damage it does. She truly doesn't understand how clearly we all see her favoritism toward her daughter and her daughter's family, how she treats her great grandchildren from that family better than she treats her grandchildren from ours. Because of that relationship though, we cannot approach MIL with anything remotely negative about her daughter. We understand that and simply have no choice but to accept it. So we do.

We keep our distance. It's very sad to have the parents and four grown children, all married and with grown children of their own, all living in the same town or within 5 minutes of it and never being able to have a family get together because SIL isn't getting along with someone. Sad, but we accept it, and keep our contact to a minimum. She could have been a great aunt, she chose not to be. It's sad for her to live with that bitterness in her heart. She has missed out on relationships with great kids. It's her loss.

We have a difficult SIL as well but her strengths far outweigh her 'weaknesses' (as we perceive them!)... We have all come to see what a value she is to our family. She is a glue of sorts and so we appreciate her for who she is. We feel very blessed to have very few abrasive people in the family... No arguments or fights. We have all learned to "bite our tongues" and leave the room if things are going in the wrong direction.

So Love saving what did you do for New Years?
Hope you had a good time.