My husband of 21 years has hit me with the fact that he likes to wear women's clothing out of the blue. Has anyone ever dealt with this. I am still reeling with this and can't really talk to anyone that I know about it.

Did he express to you the WHY? I think that would make a difference in how this situation was approached and handled.

I can only imagine your surprise and shock...

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

He said that he had done it to a smaller extent when he was a teenager. He just feels he needs to since it feels good to him. He has said that he will not do anything to embarrass me in our town. He came back from a business trip with both ears pierced. I just want to bury my head in the sand and not even think about this.

You poor thing. Why after 21 years of marriage did he feel he had to share it with you? Good Grief.. some things are better left secret. I've never had to deal with anything like what you're going through and don't honestly know what to say. I just want you to know you're in my prayers that God gives you the understanding and the strength to get through this.

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You poor thing. What a bombshell.

I hesitate to give any advice since each relationship is so different, but I have to agree that you need to sit him down and get more information. Why is he sharing this with you NOW? How has he acted upon this in the past, and what does he plan in the future? Many men who cross-dress are strictly heterosexual, but I would have to ask if he has any bisexual tendencies concurrent with this behavior, for your own protection.
Sometimes you just need to put it back to the source, and ask what the heck he expects you to do with this information?! Glad he feels better having "shared", but geez, what about you??

Find a counselor to help you through this, whatever course you decide upon. Go alone, go together, just go. You deserve support and guidance.

This is a new one for me too, but I looked it up and found a forum about it on Google, but most of them are crossdressers. Here's their opening sticky, sorry it's long:



"What is a Crossdresser?

A Crossdresser is an individual who dresses in clothing characteristic of the other sex.

The term Crossdresser does not refer to a gender identity. Crossdressers do not see themselves as being a full time member of the other gender or other sex. However, Crossdressers find fulfillment in the activity and often feel it is a necessary expression of themselves to become a temporary member of the other sex.

The term crossdressing describes the behavior without attributing any motives for the behavior. In reference to a person, the term Crossdresser suggests the crossdressing behavior is compelling or habitual.

Most Crossdressers experience their first urge to wear the clothing of the other sex at an early age, puberty is typical. Crossdressers enjoy the expression of the alternate sex or gender for a vast variety of reasons, and most often only as an occasional activity. Their motivations for crossdressing may change over time. Frequently, crossdressing becomes an antidote to anxiety or depression and contributes to a sense of inner peace and calm.

Crossdressers may be male or female, many having normal marriages, family lives, and careers. They may 'purge' on occasion, disposing of their feminine attire (or, in the case of female Crossdressers, masculine attire) in the hope that their desire to crossdress will also disappear. Crossdressers may encounter difficulties with unsupportive partners or spouses, and may be subjected to employment discrimination even if the crossdressing activity occurs solely outside the workplace.

Crossdressers cultivate the appearance of the other sex, particularly with regard to clothing. Crossdressing behaviour may also include the use of makeup and adoption of postures, gestures and mannerisms typical of the other sex. For most Crossdressers, crossdressing is a private form of self-expression. Crossdressing may also be undertaken on a part-time or recreational basis, such as at clubs and social events, and may or may not have erotic significance.

Transvestite, the archaic term for Crossdresser, has largely fallen into disuse except in a few specific instances. Current usage of transvestite refers to an individual who wears the clothing of the other sex as a fetishistic practice for sexual arousal. The clinical term, transvestic fetishism refers to a psychiatric diagnosis.
Two key criteria are required for a diagnosis of transvestic fetishism:
1. Recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviour, involving crossdressing.
2. This causes clinically significant distress or impairment, whether socially, at work, or elsewhere.
Thus, transvestic fetishism is not considered to be a mental disorder unless it causes significant problems for the individual concerned.

Crossdressing is also a common behaviour among transsexual individuals to relieve their crossgender feelings. Transsexuals dress in the attire of their core-gender as a form of gender identity self-expression. In doing so, the motivations of a Transsexual differ markedly from the motivations of Crossdressers.

The root cause of crossdressing behaviour is unknown. Crossdressing is not considered to be a mental disorder. The only 'treatment' for a Crossdresser is to encourage the individual to accept their situation and lifelong need to crossdress.

It is estimated that Crossdressers comprise 5% of the adult male population. Female Crossdressers are thought to be more rare than male, but this may be erroneous. Since crossdressing behaviour in females is not prohibited in modern Western societies, little censure is given to women who dress in clothing characteristic of the male sex. Females who are observed wearing mens clothing are often considered to be individualistic and stylishly attired."



Just because he crossdresses doens't mean he's gay! Are you worried about that? Maybe you can work together to find ways to satisfy his need without anything drastic or noticable? How about going to a psychologist, would he be willing to talk to someone about it?

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Does he just like womens clothing?? I agree with the above post~he is not gay just becasue he wants to dress in ladies clothes.
On a funny note~what size is he? Perhaps he will buy a bunch of clothes then decide he no longer likes doing this and then you have a great new wardrobe.
You do need to sit down and talk to him. Let him have his turn and then use that time to ask as many questions that you have to him. Both of you need to be 100% honest.
Take care and remember that most of us are always here to talk to.

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Wow, that's quite a secret he's been keeping !

Seems to me that he loves you enough to trust you with his secret, don't talk to a friend or family member about this unless you want it passed along the grapevine. I would seek professional counseling to try to accept, and understand, this.

My prayers go out to you to give you strength.

I am sorry and I know this has to be hard for you!
{{{{HUGS}}}}

Wow

I am sorry to here about your problem

(((((((((((((HUGS TO YOU)))))))))))))))))

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Dawnie
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If there is a will there is a way!

Well, What a shock for you. Just because a man likes the feel of women's clothing or cross-dressing does not necessarily mean he is gay or bisexual. However, coming home from a trip with pierced ears and then dropping this information on you out of the blue would lead me to believe that there is more to this than meets the eye. If he is gay, gay-curious, bi or just plain confused, perhaps he is just trying to break it to you a bit at a time. However, since you NEED and want to know, sit him down and ask him to spill it all. If his plan is to give you only as little or as much information as he thinks you can handle at a time, please just tell him you want it all now, so you can deal with it as soon as possible in all it's ramifications. YOU need to protect yourself....either way. The fact that you have been together for so long, and that he had these feelings "as a teen", then comes home from a trip and breaks the news unexpectedly, seems to me to be very selfish. But, give him a chance to b e totally open and honest, because that is what you both need!!!


Hugs to you and you will be in the thoughts and prayers of many here. If you need to have someone to "listen" and don't feel you can open up to anyone close to you yet, we will be here for you.

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"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

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Have the courage to be yourself.

I am so sorry~~~ But I have to tell you something that alarms me. You said he came back from a "business trip" with both ears pierced? My SIL is going through a divorce~~~and it seems like all of her problems started with her husbands "business trips". I would do some investigating--and find out exactly what he does on these getaways. And also sit down and talk to him-----it is important to be honest with each other---but also do some research and be "in the know". Does that make sense?

For some reason, our society seems to have very little tolerance for any deviation from the norm. Girl, if crossdressing is the worst thing your husband does then you've got the world in your hands. If he was a druggie, a cheat, an alkie, an embezzler, or a raging lunatic, I would feel bad for you. But, all he wants is to wear some women's clothes. Yikes!! Just because we, as women, can wear any damn thing we want in our society, does not make him wrong/bad/crazy/perverse. Some psychologists think crossdressing has something to do with early childhood memories of comfort and safety. I vote for that crazy in utero time period when the testosterone is supposed to get in there and make a MANLY man. Sometimes, the testosterone gets there a little late, sometimes the receptors do not take it up correctly, and there are atleat 1000 other things that could go slightly askew. So- what does this mean? My guess is if he can feel comfortable wearing women's underwear everyday without any comdemnation then he will have less need to "getaway" on business trips and completely cross. Talk to him about what he needs to forfill this need in him. If you do not have teenager running around the house who cares if he watches TV in a ballroom gown. If he does have a need to go out in public as a female then it will be easier to do that in a large city. TALK to him and find out SPECIFICS!! Fear of the unknown is a whole lot worse then the fear of the known. And, remember- he may not have all the answers yet. It isn't like god gave him a crossdressing playbook to live by. He is probably learning as he goes just like the rest of us. Continue to talk to "us" if it helps with your transition.

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Lyn Clarke

As others have said, if it's just crossdressing, that may be something that can be worked through depending on your level of tolerance for that type of thing. However the "business trip" sets off alarm bells for me also. I never heard of a business trip where one would feel ok getting their ears pierced while there. Sounds like he may have been hooking up. Investigate more.

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Panda

The real destroyer of the liberties of the people is he who spreads among them bounties, donations and benefits. -- Plutarch

I would lay a bombshell right back at him,like you have always secretly wanted to be a guy and have thought about a sex change in the past.This will either 1)Freak him out totally,lol or 2)Get him to further spill the beans. In any case sorry to hear about your situation ,I know if it was me I would be totally appalled with "going to bed" with a crossdresser.I like the good ole macho man.
((((HUGS))))

oh,and if he freaks,just say you were kidding.

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Per the information that has been posted here, crossdressing does not necessarily equal gay. But someting is going on, the whole earring thing is evidence of that. Why would he get his ears piecred on a business trip? Is it possible this was some type of "crossdressing convention" or something? If possible, look at his next paycheck and see if anything was paid as vacation time or personal leave or something like that. I think your biggest priority right now is protecting yourself. He may not be doing anything elicit, but he could be. Make an appointment with your ob/gyn and have a full STD panel done. She/he may also be a good resource for a counselor. I would abstain from sexual relations, or use good protection, until you get some straight answers that make sense to you. And if that means you are being selfish, so be it. Dropping a bomb on you like this is as selfish as it gets. You need to be selfish right now and protect yourself.

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All the cool babies are wearing cloth!