This year I'll be married 14 years and I just don't feel like I like it any more. I know that sounds childish. I feel like my husband is not my best friend and I wish he was. I feel like everything is more important to him than me and our kids. All the plans we make, we end up backing out of because of a fight. I am just really sad. I don't want to be sad and I don't want my kids to see me up set. I just really could use some encouragement. thanks!

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))) I dont know your situation well enough nor am I qualified to really give advice, but all relationships go through ups and downs. It's said all the time but it is a phrase that most people dont really consider and it is sooo true: Marriage takes work. You have to work at it and nurture it.
Have you talked with him about it?

I'm sorry. I hope things improve.

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Not all those that wander are lost.

ITA

Maybe try a marriage workshop at your church, or counseling ?

Hang in there.

Having gone through a very difficult period regarding my marriage this year--I can honestly say that marriage counseling probably saved our marriage. BUT (and this is a VERY important BUT), we were both willing and wanting to work on it. We BOTH realized there were issues that needed to be worked on and resolved.

A marriage takes two to work, and it also takes two to fail (generally speaking--I know there are exceptions...)

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Can you step back and think "would my life be better or worse without him?"

I've got 31 years invested into my husband and there've been lots of ups and downs, but during all those rough times I always wanted to grow old with him. And now I'm realizing that dream. LOL Is it easy? Heck no, not all the time. Does your husband realize you feel this way? Perhaps hashing things through with an impartial person would help. It's not easy being sad especially when there are kids there to notice. Keep your chin up and put on the old "everything's OK show" for them.

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I've been married for 21 years and there has been more times where Dh& I needed to rekindle the relationship.Dh was in the military and with his Military Career he had (3) 1 year remotes when he returned home it was like he was a complete different person.It's amazing how many little changes you don't see on and everyday bases.

I spiced up our love life--this does wonders It seem like he started paying more attention to me like he use to ..He sent me a dozen of roses..with a very sweet romantic message enclosed ..I hadn't heard those words from him in years.

Men talk about there love lives among other men and when you have some newly married man disclose he has a great love life( 5 day a week I think they start getting bum out..I had one wife who was a good friend asked me to have dh stop talking about our love life to her dh..he was wanting more and using us as a example I didn't get mad at dh for disclosing how many time we made love during the week.there is alot hubby that does this and their wifes are not aware of it.Over half of the married men talk about it in his shop

Some other things I would do is leave a greeting card next to the coffee pot so when he woke up he could read it..He started leaving flowers arrangement on the table with a ballon attach and a card.. Now I'm not the only who have to make the first jestar he does it from time to time own his own..

I think it's the little things we use to do that we start missing in our marrage and wish if only it could be like when we first got married..I think every couple goes thru it.they just have to take the time out and see what they can improve in their relationship

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Angels may not come when you call them, but they'll always be there when you need them.

This might sound silly, but it works. To get your husband thinking about your relationship, get him a Hallmark card. Write something on there, or find one that says something like the following: Sometimes all of life's responsibilities get in the way of time for us, but I want to let you know that I love you, and always remember why I married you, and I would like for us to take time for us." Sounds gushy, but it's a way of "telling" him that you want him to reflect and spend more time on your relationship. It's sometimes much easier to do it this way, rather than sit him down and tell him what you don't like, etc, because that can start an argument or fight. Don't get me wrong, it's good to talk, but sometimes it breaks the ice doing it this way. Persuasion vs coersion. Good luck.

My suggestion would be to buy the book Light His Fire by Ellen Kriedman

http://www.amazon.com/Light-His-Fire...e=UTF8&s=books

Amazing what a $7.50 cent book can do for a marriage!
If money is tight, check your local library. It's worth it.

It's light and fluffy reading of real life examples instead of heavy, hard to understand psycho therapy deep intellectual stuff. You can even browse and read the first few pages using Amazon.



X

Thank You very, very much. I really do appreciate the encouragment. I talked to my husband a little tonight and we agreed that we were not really best friends when we got married, which is a big part of marriage. Oh well! I hope these bad feeling pass.

Thanks again!

I think you need to define what you mean by "best friends"....that phrase is just a little too nebulous. Do you mean that you want him to be interested in the stuff that interests you? you want him to spend more time with the kids? you want him to listen to your feelings? you want to know intuitively how he will react to any subject that comes up? you want to share the same interests? you want more private time? Focus on the specifics items you want. My husband loves hunting a fishing until I could throttle him some days but in the end it is easier to run his bath water when he calls to say he is on his way home and sit on the side of the tub and talk to him for 15 minutes then to be grumpy. We have a rule- when you come in the house- the other person gets 10 minutes to trade information of the day. I may show him the great deal i bought or a new wallpapering job- he may tell me that Larry at work caught a 5 lb something. But, during that time we do not answer the phone, we do not answer the door, we tell the kids to hold their horses for 10 minutes, and we both seem better connected even though I know he truly does not care about my good buys and I don't really care that Larry caught the fish. It is the time to trade nformation and include each other in our lives. IMHO

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Lyn Clarke

I think that's a great idea. Sometimes you just have to put your grumpiness aside (and I REALLY have to remember this at times!) for the good of the relationship. Is a fight what you really want? No... you have to give a little.

Champion1, I really hope everything works out. I like the Light His Fire book, as well. Iknow my DH is much more "open" to me when our love life is really good. If not, we tend to fight more and be unwilling to give on anything! Best wishes...

I also wonder if your dh might possibly be depressed - are there any signs? And if you think he might be, but you don't want to suggest it, maybe you could convince him that you're concerned about his health, and how he doesn't seem like himself, and that you'd like him to go to the doctor, and discuss the situation with him.

Do this GENTLY!! You don't want it to be an accusation! (And, perhaps you don't even feel that he IS depressed, but I thought I'd just throw it out there, in case you think he MIGHT be...)

Good luck!