This might be a really dumb topic, but my SO and I are unmarried (and probably won't get married...bad I know!). I'm curious as to whose name the baby should take. Mine or his? What do most people do? I really am leaning toward taking my name, as that way my son, the new baby and I will all have the same last name, but I know I'll be stepping on toes if I do that. Opinions? (no flames please!)

When I had my first child DH & I were not married and I gave the baby my last name. When we got married we changed it to both last names but they still use mine and not his.

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Dawnie
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If there is a will there is a way!

I've seen it go both ways. Personally if the couple is not married it is the mother's choice.
My Dh had a son (we are raising) out of wedlock and the mother gave him dh's last name.
My mil and Fil were not married when they had their son and she gave him her last name...

It's all a matter of what you want.... Like when my ex husband wanted to name my youngest after a ninja turtle...Dr said you can name a child anything you want

Well I was in your exact situation awhile ago but since dh & I were together & figured someday we would get married which BTW we diddnt tell almost 3 yrs later & I had already had a dd with my last name I figured I would want the baby to have my last name but since we were together I figured I would give her, her dads last name it has worked out we got married & had another child everyone knows they are sisters even if they have different names. So IMO if you plan on staying together I would go with the dads last name even if you dont think its the right thing to do right now.

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mom of 3 greats girls

I was unmarried, as well, when I had my DS. His father and I had been together for some time and I "hoped" (although thankfully we DIDN'T) that we would get married - mostly for the sake of the baby. I am so thankful we didn't. I did, however, give the baby his last name - primarily because that is the expectation. People think that the son and the father should have the same last name and I didn't want him to ever be put in an awkward situation. It's more and more common for the mother and the child to have different last names (through divorce, remarriage, etc), but not so much for the dad and child. There have been times I've regretted my decision, but that was a selfish moment. I only regretted it when his dad was irritating me - never because it wasn't the right thing to do (in my opinion) for my child. HTH - good luck with your decision.

I've got to ask... did you name him after a ninja turtle and if so which one? Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Rapheal or Donatello? LOL

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Well, the baby is a girl, so that's why I was even considering using my name. If it was a boy, I would probably use his, so the name could carry on for generations KWIM?

I was thinking maybe the hyphen thing...so two last names. If I did that, could we just really go by my last name or would it always have to be a hypen on everything?

I should add that I don't know what is going to happen in the future between the father and I, but there are a lot of things that are making me believe it won't be a forever thing.

I should also add that my current last name (and my sons last name) is in fact my married name from my previous marriage. Doesn't that make it even more complicated! LOL

I was unmarried when I had my son way back 19 years ago. I came from a family of divorced parents. My mother when she divorced my father took her maiden name back which gave her and I different last names. I hated it. Back then maybe not so much now but back then having a parent with a differnt last name drew an endless amount of questions from the other kids and I hated answering them. So when I had my son I swore that he and I would always have the same last name. Which actually worked well for us. My DH is not sons father but has offered to adopt him and give him his last name. Up until last year his biological father fought tooth and nail to prevent it. Kills me someone who doesn't pay a lick of support has so many rights over the people who care for the child day in and out. But anyways now that son is over 18 DH can adopt him and we will both use our new name. DH always understood why I kept my maiden name and I am very grateful for that,

That's how I felt growing up. I had a different last name from my mother AND my sisters. It really was a pain at school with all the questions.

LoL I forgot about the flip side. When your married and have a different last name than your DH you still have to answer silly questions but its not as bad as being a kid and being asked those questions. Most of the time when I explain why the go Ohhhh, nod and go on to another subject.

I think that the baby should have your last name and when you get married to the childs father then you can change it then.

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Ex dh wanted Michaelangelo....and NO! LOL I compromised on the birth certificate...Michael Anthony
The man just isn't right ....in more ways than one! HAHA

In my case, my last name was my ex husband's (my maiden name was long and hard to pronounce, so I kept it). When Tyler was born, I made the decision to follow tradition with his Father's sons and give Tyler the same middle and last name as his brothers and father. I hoped that would allow the boys an easier way to find each other as they grow up and possibly look for each other. While I did that and he shares his father's names, I did not allow his father to sign the birth certificate because I knew it would make it difficult for him to pursue anything once we left (I knew we would never make it ... the pregnancy was a big surprise as I was supposedly unable to conceive). While a case was established in Califorbnia wherein he agreed he's the father, he has no right in Ohio. He's a dead-beat dad, and with all the progress Tyler has made since we left Texas, I will not allow contact between the two unless the time comes his father proves at least one year continuous sobriety and consistent contact.

Sorry I got side-tracked.

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Work with what you've got and be happy.

I have seen it all ways. MOst of the time it's the father's last name but lately, I've seen a lot of hyphenated names

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Not a dumb topic at all. I am going through a divorce, have kids, and will be keeping my married name so as to have the same name as my children. I am also dating a man who's talking marriage and kid(s) and while I'm in NO rush whatsoever, it's made me think about the name situation...as in, do I change mine if I remarry? What name do I give another child, should I have one? It's not a black and white topic at all. Much as I personally dislike the hyphen thing (and that's totally my opinion, not putting down anyone who hyphenates, if someone likes the hyphen idea, go for it!), I think I'd probably go that route, should I remarry AND have kids (if I remarry and don't have kids, I probably won't change my name). I would want to have the same name as ALL of my kids, however that had to be accomplished.

In your case, since you already have another child, and aren't sure if you will be staying with the father or not...I'd give the baby your name. Later on you can always change names, if you want.

Good luck!
Beth

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When I had my first child I was not married and I gave the baby my last name. When we got married we changed both our names to his. I married someone else. You can always change a name. I agree with giving baby you name.

Me and DH had 2 Children due with # 3 when we go married, all the kids had the last name as my DH. I dont know how things work in other states, But here in Alabama when you give the Baby the Father's last name he has to sign papers stating he is the BIO-Father of said Child.I didnt have any problems with giving the children his last name due mainly because he is the childs father. I also knew one day we would get married , But till then I wasnt ready just yet to get married and saw no need in doing it because we were excepting a child. That was 12 years ago. we got married Feb 2000 only 2 months before our 3rd child was born we now have 4 children together.

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MyCoupons Is #1 for Holiday Shopping

My nephew (30) and his girlfriend (34) just had a baby son back in August...They used both of their last names...the baby is named Aiden Benjamin Flynn-Fullen...I think that if I was in that situation and not 100% sure that we were going to get married, I'd still have the baby take the last name of the birth father...if he seemed like he was going to stick around and have an active part in the child's life...If he didn't seem to be that type of person, then I'd have the baby take my last name. ~Lisa

If you already have one child with your name, I'd give that to the new baby too, just to keep things simpler at school. Then again, if the father's name is easier to spell than yours, that might be worth considering too. A big part of the reason I took my husband's name when I married was because it was so common that no one gets it wrong.

I would go for hyphenating with both last names or using your last name as the middle name. My brother's first wife changed her son's name a total of four times. First it was the boy's father's last name, then it was her last name, then she changed it to my brother's last name and when they broke up she changed it back to her maiden name. Way too much in my opinion! The boy was in third grade and confused as heck as to what his identity was.

It is also my opinion that a family name is important and to switch a child's name just to make things easier for the mother or if the mother gets remarried is wrong...just because mom can get a divorce and change her name does not make the child any less his father's...

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#3 Gone To Race In A Better Place...

I was not married to the father, when my first child was born, so I went with a hyphenated last name, got the best of both names.

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Melissa
Mom of Kiefer, Kaitlan, Korrey, and my very special Heavenly Angel, Kieran^i^

Consider hyphenating the last name. I did this when I divorced my ex because my son wanted Mommy to have the same last name as him.

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Laura
Please visit my blog
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If I were the kid, I would HATE a hyphenated last name. I had a long last name growing up and I remember hating to write it all the time. Especially when I grew up, bought my first house and had to sign my name over and over on 30 pieces of paper! Ugh!

My little opinion: If you plan on staying with the father forever or at least a very long time, go with the fathers last name. If you know it's not going to work out between the 2 of you, go with your last name.

Although another thing to consider: if you do go with your last name, and you eventually get married to another man, your child will then have your maiden name and will not be the same as yours or his dads. That may be a little strange for him/her.

the first thing you need to do is check with the laws of your state (and Fed. government) in regards to inheritances, benefits, etc that will affect your child depending on whose name the baby carries.
Example: the father dies. you can no longer get child support. if child has fathers name, you can get several hundred dollars a month from Social Security as long as the child is a minor.
Or, the father wins the BIG lotto. the child is entitled to aprox 20 - 25%. and the list goes on to pensions, insurances, etc.
I think you get the picture. You would not want to deny your child any opportunities.
congratulations on the new baby. girl or boy? do you know?
Dee

When I married I chose to hyphenate. My children also have the hyphenated last name.
For legal douments they use the whole thing, for schoolwork they can choose to use just the Garcia part.
My DH regrets not changing his last name as well, then we would all match. Maybe some day we will go thru the legal work (and fees) to change his to the hyphenated. According to state law in MN, you can change both parties names when you get married.

For birth certificates, it is whatever the mom writes on the form.
I believe they do this for family's cultural traditions.
Here is something to ponder on Latino names:
http://www.americanchronicle.com/art...articleID=2706

Though I know of one family (small town) where the nurse wrote in the husband's name as father, when in fact it was someone else who was father. The biofather had to fight with the state due to that error. He had custody of the child.. mom didn't want her.. very sad situation.

My sis choose to have both hers and her DH's names (with a space, no hyphen) when she married but her children have her DH name.

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Bernice

California here we come!!

But if the biofather is listed on birth certificate it really doesn't matter what last name the child has. It could be J Doe Mickey Mouse and he /she would still benefit from biofather's estate.

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Bernice

California here we come!!

I was unmarried when I had my now 9yr old DD and I gave her my last name. Her "sperm donor"(that's what I call him because in my book he will never be a father) left me a month after I told him I was pregnant. DD will be turning 10 in March and he has never seen her or made any effort so I was glad that I used my name and not his. As far as you post about wanting to be able to carry on his families name I wouldn't do it unless your sure that he's in for the long haul because personally if a man is not going to help raise his child he doesn't deserve the honor of carrying on his name. That's just my honest opinion. It's all up to you and don't let anybody pressure you to use one name or the other. It's your baby do what makes you happy.

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"Let me watch my children grow to see what they become
Lord don't let that cold wind blow til I'm too old to die young'

I'd vote for giving the child your last name, and if you ever marry the father (or another man), you can change his/her last name at that time.

I knew someone who hyphenated the child's last name because the father insisted the child bear his name in addition to the mom's. That's a mouthful for a child to say when asked his name, and it requires explanations by a child to other kids, all of whom are usually too young to understand the complex relationship issues the hyphenated name brings with it.

Keep in mind that you (as an unmarried mother) have the decision on the last name, and that
it would be easier for you in the long run to have the same name as your child. Think about health insurance, school permission, etc. There could be confusion and a few hoops to jump through if the names are different. Not a huge deal, but over 18 years it could get tiresome.

Finally, don't feel that you need to "honor" the dad by including his last name. If he married you before the baby was born, he would be afforded that honor by law. If he doesn't, the law doesn't give him the honor. Nor, in my opinion, should you. You may not ever marry him and you may later marry someone else and have other kids. Or you may choose never to marry and still have other kids by another man/men. Would you then give the other kids the other man's/men's name(s)? How many last names do you want to have in your family?

HTH...

I say the choice is up to you! Traditionally, I have seen the child receive the father's last name. Nowadays, could take the mother's last name or use both mother & father's last names, in a hyphenated manner.

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We're off to never never land

OK I will throw in a question- what happens when two hyphenated people marry? Miss Jones-Smith marries Mr Peters-Yardley. Who are they now and who will their kids be? AND which name goes first? Is the first name the mother's and the second the father's or vice versa.

In the case of the OP, I would say the kid should get the father's name BECAUSE she is not using her maiden name. She is using her ex-husband's name.

By the way, we changed my husband's name before we married. His family name is Clarke- his birth certificate said Clark. That little typo cost us $350. :eek

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Lyn Clarke

In my state, paternity isn't based on who is listed on the birth certificate nor who's name the child has. It must be done in the form of a test. Once that is established, the child would have access to all of that.

She's a girl

That's the part that really has me torn, however, my current last name is my legal last name, the name I've had for 10 years, and I wouldn't go back to my maiden name because than DS would have a different last name. So if I look at it more of as a my name aspect, not a ex-husband name aspect, it makes me feel a little better.

I still haven't decided what to do. I'll figure it out in the delivery room I'm sure LOL.

The name choice is up to the parents, so hopefully they would reduce the amount of names to be used for the child's legal documents. That's an interesting scenario! Very good point!!!

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We're off to never never land

summerday76- I am just thinking about your situation- I also used my ex-husband's name after I divorced for another 15 years until I remarried. I liked his name! It is pretty!!! I am trying to think what I would have done if I had a kid during that time. I think, and lord knows this is only my humble opinion, if I named the kid my ex's name then the assumption would be that the kid is my ex's. Also the assumption would be that your son and your daughter are biological brother and sister---they are not. They are half brother and half sister. You know when I was a kid- it would have been an enormous deal to a kid to have a different name. But, in today's society I just don't think it is a big deal. You might be upset with your kid's father but no matter what ever happens in that child's life her father is her father. You can't outrun genetics. Yes, I thank my dear departed dad every day for my enormous feet, baby fine straight as an arrow hair, battle with weight, and thick ankles.

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Lyn Clarke

Who said anything about trying to outrun genetics? Or that he won't be her father? He will be very active in the baby's life, as my ex is with his son. I'm simply talking about the name issue so we all have the same last name, to avoid any confusion and for the fact that we won't be getting married. Also, I learned in the hospital, the baby will be referrd to by baby "my last name".

I grew up with different last names in my family and it was a really PITA. My sisters both had different last names. And who cares if they are assumed to be biological brother and sister? I don't call my half sisters my half sisters, I call them my sisters. When DS talks about his little sister in my belly, he doesn't say my little half sister. When someone adopts a sibling do you think that the family doesn't refer to them as sister and brother? What would they refer to them as? The adopted child? There is something wrong with that logic IMO.

Just posting an update!! I had the baby last week (a month early!!) and decided to give her my last name. SO couldn't work things out so don't plan to be together and he didn't say anything about the last name issue (well to me at least). She's cute as a button and I just love her to death!

Congrats to you and your little one!!!

Can you tell us about her?!?! I love to hear about babies!!

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

Congrats! And I was not married with my 1st, but I did give him his father's last name. I just figured, it was his kid too and may as well have his name.

BUT, in the state of Virginia, the father must sign stating it is his child and have his name.

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Congrats on the baby! My mom gave me her last name, it was never really a problem.

She was 5lbs 13 ozs, 18" long and full of hair and she is just so darn cute! She likes to keep me up all night, I think her days and nights are confused, but she's worth it! Here are some pics:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...6/100_1076.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...6/100_1070.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...6/000_0101.jpg

Ironically he said something tonight about the last name. He asked who's I used, I told him mine, and I could tell he was annoyed. Oh well. It's not like he is a boy and is going to have the same last name forever anyway. She will eventually get married and probably change her last name anyway.

I was looking at my baby book and she looks just like me when I was born!

Just be sure to change the baby's social security card, too. It will avoid a LOT of hassles later for him/her.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I was in this situation before.... I thought long and hard as you are doing. My son was going to be with me. Not his dad. A last name means family and we were going to be a family with a dad that lived somewhere else. I was the one who was going to be at his school volunteering, taking him to the drs. so my son took my last name. My son's father no longer sees him and actually gave up all rights and my husband now has adopted him so now we all have the same name. We had an adoption ceremony during my wedding it was beautiful and perfect and I know I made the right decision for my son.
Whatever you do it is your choice. (I don't know about legally) but in Carrie's world it's your choice.

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I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

Life! is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.

Summerday76

Your baby is so pretty .....makes me want one

Christine

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TLJ ~ Women United in Spirit

What a beautiful pink-cheeked little girl! I know Mommy must be proud - enjoy her while she's young!

How very cute - congratulations and glad you have a name for you little one...
I have adopted cousins, friends who have kids from multiple fathers, and you know what? They're all fine with last names, same names, changed names from the beginning... it's all about making your lives together - and let the questions come. Who cares what the last name is as long as your son knows it's his sister and your his mom - the rest will all work out what kids that cute

Congratulations! She is just Beautiful. What is her first name (if you don't mind saying). Some of todays baby names are fascinating. You don't see names like Mildred or Pricilla anymore.
Dee

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"Old age ain't no place for sissies."
-Bette Davis -

I was always taught that the last name you want the child to go by should be the first name in the Hyphen when you give the child both last names.

My first son has a hyphen, his dad's last name first, then my maiden name last. This also gave him the choice as he got older of which last name he would like to go by.

We never had to use the hyphen last name on anything, really. Maybe only the Social Security. He has always gone by one last name, which was his fathers.

Emma Lynn

Is that something new? I lived in Virginia when my now 10 yr old DD was born and I didn't have to tell them anything about the father. I gave her my last name and they never questioned it.

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"Let me watch my children grow to see what they become
Lord don't let that cold wind blow til I'm too old to die young'

The child doesn't have to have the father's last name, regardless of where you live. The father typically has to sign something to acknowledge paternity and be listed as the father on the birth certificate if the couple isn't married. If the father doesn't sign, he doesn't go on the BC.

Emma Lynn is beautiful!
Congrats!
I hope she turns her days/nights around soon for you.

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Sheri