I have been married for over 12 years. I have 3 children ages 5, 9, and 12. I am a stay at home mom with a small income from a home daycare. I don't know what to do next. My husband is an alcoholic and nothing that I have said over the years has gotten him to stop. He always apologized and agreed that he went overboard but it always happened again. He spends nights out with his friends or family members until as late as 2 AM. He has told me in the past that I need to lighten up and stop nagging him about his drinking, hanging out, and other addictions (porn for one)

I don't want my kids to have a father who isn't home when they go to bed at night because he is out drinking or hanging out. I don't want them to find his stash of porn or walk in on him looking at it. I don't want to lie in bed at night waiting for the doorbell to ring and have the state police telling me he is dead. I can't take it anymore. I don't feel that he respects me and I don't think he thought I would ever ask him to leave. He knows that I believe strongly in staying married, that I believe God hates divorce. I asked myself what message I was sending to my 3 daughters and decided I was teaching them to live in a miserable marriage. I don't want them to feel the hurt that I feel. I don't want them to learn the share the addictions that he lives with. I know this is going to be hard for them but I think they will be okay with time. I think they will have a more healthy relationship with him since he will not be here all of the time. He is a good dad when he is present. (other than demonstating his drinking and other behaviors)

I don't know what to do next. I don't know if I need to file for a legal separation or just wait and see what happens. I feel mean for considering getting a lawyer. I have made it clear that I am not changing my mind but I don't know what the next move should be. I want to keep my house but that is going to take a miracle. I have a home daycare and that is my only income. If I lose the house I lose the income. I don't know how to tell my girls. He hasn't made any last minute attempts to convince me he is going to change after I told him not to try because I wouldn't believe it this time. I told him that even if he made the promise I didn't think he would stick to it. I think he would hate me because it would mean a total change. Is that even possible? Could he give up all of his addictions? He has always made it seem like I am a prude or unsocialable and not willing to try to have fun. I tried. I went way beyond my comfort zone trying to be a couple, unfortunately he still went overboard with his drinking and made it so that I would eventually stop trying to do things as a couple.

I have the support of his family. I think everyone wondered why it took so long. Unfortunately, they never tried to make him see the light of day even though they saw the self destructive behaviors.

Now that I have rambled, I guess what I need to know is what's next. I don't know what I am entitled to as far as finances. Our taxes are a mess so I don't have financial documentation of his earnings for the last three years. I think he will do right by the kids but I don't know how we are going to financially make it on our own. I don't know if I need to file for a legal separation or if I wait to see if we file for divorce. I need a miracle. I need him to tell me he wants to enter rehab and I need him to succeed. I need him to do it without me telling him or even suggesting it. I am totally detached from him and feel that I need to stay that way.

Thanks for listening and any feedback you might have.

I am so sorry you have been going through this. What a nightmare.

Hate to even attempt to give advice, but I will recommend you get some support for yourself. AlAnon can offer you a haven and the guidance of others who have walked this same road. You can go online to find a meeting in your area. There are also online meetings if you cannot get there.

You know your husband has a terrible, progressive disease of addiction. You have to protect yourself, and your children, from the path of destruction he will cut as long as he is using. He may go to rehab. He may go to AA. He may get sober and be the man he is capable of being. Or he may not. The only thing you can control is what you do.

Lots of ((hugs)) for all you have been through, and all you are going through now. I hope your future is peaceful and calm, whatever he does.

Oh sweetheart my heart aches for you!!!! Do seek the help/support from your church, friends and family.
These are true addictions and he does need to seek help.
I would "talk" to an attorney as soon as you think you should. Document all dates.
HUGS to you my sister. I am praying for you.
MY ONLY ADVICE is keep calm and peaceful in front of your children and say nothing to them against your husband.

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I'm really sorry to hear what you're going thru..I would of done the same thing If I was in your shoes..Who knows maybe he will straighten up his act and start going to AA meetings.My saying has always been "You always have Hope! People and things can change even when it doesn't look like it's possability never give up " God will provide for you!

Now it is in his hands .. it's up to him if he wants to change for you and the children. Maybe that's the wakeup call he needed..I will keep you in my prayers & hope for the best.

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Angels may not come when you call them, but they'll always be there when you need them.

my thoughts and prayers are with you i believe you did the right thing i hope he can see where his life is going and change for the better.

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Tim
My Husband, My Love....Best Dad
You Were Taken From Us Way To Soon
Forever In Our Hearts
We Will Always Love You
2-18-69 TO 12-23-03
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I have been where you are now. Don't feel quilty about anything you may feel or have to do in the future. You have to protect yourself and your children first of all.

The only one who can make him stop drining is himself.

There is probably an AlAnon group near you. Please call them. They can be such great support and guidance for you.

My advice is to get an attorney now! You need to protect your finances and spell out to him just what he is responsible for.

I'm sorry you are going thru this, you will find out just how strong you can be!

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Living well IS the best revenge!!

I will pray for you Have you asked him to get help? I hope that you get support for you now, emotionally, you can probably get free help from a church locally. I give you alot of credit for staying as long as you have. I encourage you to pray for him daily. Power of prayer is incrediable.
I think you can go to county for free legal aid as far as child support and etc.
your are blessed with three children, try to enjoy time with them...
Things will get better......

I just want to say that I hope everything works out for you. I have a similar situation, in that I'm mid divorce right now and my dh moved out a couple of weeks ago. He wasn't an alcoholic but did sometimes stay out way too late.
I really don't know what all to tell you except FIND AN ATTORNEY. They're not cheap but as a stay at home, you have certain rights and privileges.....TAKE THOSE RIGHTS and do not feel guilty for them. My soon to be ex has already had to pay 1 month of child support and that was only 2 days after he moved out. That was because I had filed for divorce a couple of months earlier. So make that move now, if divorce is where you're certain your marriage will end up.
Your kids will adjust but it is hard, no denying that. My girls are 6 and 8 and they're still adjusting to everything and will be for quite some time, I think. The best thing I have seen is that they have a bit of "what use to be" in their lives. We still live in the family home, they go to the same school, they still do homework at the same time as before, they still take a bath everyday(lol), etc. That helps them see that their lives are going on. So your kids will do ok. We waited until the last possible moment to tell our kids because the thought just sickened me. But it was easier to tell them than I thought it would be.
Just know that many of us here have gone through similar situations and are here to listen to you, give you the knowledge we have and what's worked for us. And we're always good for ((((HUGS))))!
Take care of yourself....that is so important. You'll have days when you're mad, days when you're sad, days where you feel relieved, days you're scared too death....you will experience every emotion you can possibly experience but you must take care of yourself emotionally and mentally.....this will help you stay strong for your kids...they'll need you!
And follow the advise of the other ladies who said join a support group for spouses of alcoholics.

YOU WILL BE OK!

"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose" Kris Kristofferson wrote that.....for Janis Joplin

I was in your shoes 6 years ago, with a seriously ill child, spotty job and not much else but the 2 cats and my best girlfriends. I tried and tried to find a way to stay together, but in the end I couldn't look to the future and see us together in 5 minutes, much less 5 years! It was very very hard to leave, but what a weight off my shoulders when I left!

Fast forward, best thing I have done in a long time. Ex promptly moved in a gf and her 2 boys, none of them can hold a job for long, he lost his (our) house and is renting, driving a piece of junk car. My 2 girls are fine, daughter is a 5+ year cancer survivor, got a great promotion at work last year and the future looks bright and stable.

Had many dark sad days, but know in your heart that you are strong and capable and that God has a plan for all of us! Depend on your faith, your best girlfriends and keep your spirit strong! Remember we are all here for you if needed.........

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"It's not about how much baggage you have, it's about whether or not you can carry your own baggage with grace and dignity."

You said his family is on your side. What about an intervention? If you had his whole family there it might work, but if he doesn't agree to go into treatment, you have to be ready for him to move out immediately. For yourself, you need to get to ALANON, regardless of what he does. You only have control over your behavior. My DH is an alcoholic, he stopped drinking and later bacame a drug/alcohol counselor and now works for a state agency as a drug/ alcohol and gambling addiction counselor. Most drug/alcohol counselors are recovering drug addicts and recovering alcoholics. He attends AA meetings himself and requires all his clients to attend meetings in addition to his groups. I have attended ALANON off and on for about 21 years now, for 12 years I attended 2 -3 meetings a week, now I am only able to attend occasionally. I have set up very strict guidelines for what I will put up with (that comes from going through h**l and back over the years) if DH drinks, he's out of the house, that's it. That's what I can live with, I refuse to be around it and I refuse to raise my children in it. We have all our joint bank accounts together, but I also have an additional seperate account of my own with money in it, this insures I don't have to live that way ever again if he relapses. DH knows about the account, which will become our retirement account years down the road if I don't ever have to use it. I know what you are going through and you have some tough decisions to make. If you need to talk, PM me and I will send you my email address.

I think this is a great idea.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I gave my hubby legal sep. papers right before his 40th birthday cause of his drinking. it worked. he stopped and has been drunk since. he said he couldnt bear to live without me and our daugher. maybe this will be the thing that makes him believe you mean it this time. i had threatened and threatened and when I finally did it , he stopped. maybe this will work for you too. got my fingers crossed for you.

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Hugs to you! I'll keep you in my thoughts

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I commend you for giving him the boot. My sister was in the same spot and kept him around for his paycheck. They are all miserable .. you are in my thoughts and I 'm rooting for you! You truely deserve mother of the year award!

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Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

My heart goes out to you!!!
By the grace of God alone I married a man who accepts me and loves me for who I am, and that has made me a better person.
You have to think of your family. Children repeat as adults what they saw and learned while growing up. Do you want them reapeating this pattern?

I'll be thinking of you and hoping all goes well. ((((( HUGS ))))

- Jenn

So many hands at your back and hugs around your from this board of relative strangers hopefully will show you that you will have support with whatever difficult decision you have to make. Right now, you have to think of your children and yourself first, because your DH is the only one who can make the choice to do the right thing for all of you. If his choice is to do what his currently muddled mind is best for he and his addiction, you will have to accept that this is HIS choice and not yours. Things will work out as they are supposed to one way or another. Just believe in yourself and your intuition as a mom and you will choose wisely and correctly. Hugs to you and yours!

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"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.

I lived with an alcoholic for 5 years. Take it from me, most of them don't change. He might slow down on his drinking for a little while if he wants to keep his family, but unless he goes to AlAnon meetings and truly wants to stop drinking, it's not going to happen. He can't do it for anyone else. He has to want to stop drinking. If he's facing losing you and his children and hasn't stopped drinking, he's not going to stop any time soon.
Be strong because I know it's going to be difficult.

I'm so sorry. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Please, please, PLEASE!!!! Get a lawyer!!!! ASAP!!!!

You need to protect your kids and yourself.

That is your #1 priority.

It sounds as though you need change in your life. Change is scary. Each day you live in misery, is a day lost that you could be treasuring. It's time to seek out your support system, which includes your friends, family, clergy, etc. They shall help you seek the way to happiness, and help you find the direction you need to travel to accomplish what needs to be done to get you and your children into a better situation.

Good luck with whatever you decide, and my prayers go out to you. The road me be tough to travel at the moment, but the changes you make will allow you to reap the benefits of a healthy life for you and your children.

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We're off to never never land

I myself was once married to an alcholic over 15 years ago. I finally decided to take care of myself and leave. It was not easy by no means. It hurt. He promised everything under the sun. He tried to find religion, he tried it all. But when it came down to it, he loved his beer more. He continued to drink, hang out all times of the night. Then he started beating me and I do mean beating. When I was 5 1/2 months pregnant, he gave me the beating of my life. My baby died. And a part of me did too. All though, I did not drink, I don't think I could have hit rock bottom if I had tried. How could I allow myself to live that way? How could I allow this man to take away the life that was created and living inside me. Months later, I continued on. THen one night, he came home drunk as usual. I had fallen asleep on the couch. He awoke me to take a pair of sweat pants and tie them around my neck and hang me (literally) from the railing of the porch which was about 6 feet off the ground. Remarkably, my mother found me hanging there nearly 45 minites later. As usual, I said I could handle it and she should go home. I cleaned myself up for the last time! Cried, went to bed. Got up the next morning and was doing my normal routine, washing dishes, etc. While looking out the window and doing the dishes, I threw a plate and said, I am tired of doin the dishes. I put on my shoes and a coat, got in my car and left. I never went back...........FAST FORWARDED: all i wanted was out of that life. he wanted revenge for me leaving. He got a lawyer and served me at 1 pm on a monday to be in court at 830 am on tues. Needless to say I could not get a lawyer that quickly. I explained this to the judge and she could care less. I was ordered to pay him every month for 3 years for abandoning the marriage.....mind u, i had hospital records, police records, etc documenting the abuse. Didn't matter!

So, why am I telling u all of this? Two reasons: #1 GET A lawyer now. You don't know what he can or will do, or how the judge may react, PROTECT yourself and your children. #2 Even though, you have not mentioned any physical abuse, I am quite certain you have already endured mental abuse of some kind, Dont carry it with you in life. Find a way to deal with it. You are a human being and were giving this life to be lived, not to be endured. It will be hard, it will be painful, it will be many things, BUT it will be better if you let it. I didn't do the groups like others mentioned, but I did seek alternatives to dealing with my issues. And I am quite certain that I am a much better person for it. Please take care of yourself and your children. I gaurantee you will not regret it.

**NOTE: I am not saying that your husband will not change. I am saying that mine didn't (even to this day 15 plus years later, and also a few wives later) Most do not change. And if his primary reason for trying to change is for you or the children, it will not happen. Alcoholics must change for themselves and not someone else. The disease is ugly and must be treated for the right reasons.

If u ever need to talk or have any questions, please ask.

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email is moserlara@yahoo.com

Big hug and prayers for you and your girls...

my thoughts and prayers are with you

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Brenda

GO #24 JEFF GORDON

Many hugs and prayers for you and your girls!

I totally agree with going to an AlAnon meeting. My prayers are with you and your family.

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TLJ ~ Where opinions are encouraged, not deleted

You laugh at me because I am different,
I laugh at you because you are all the same.

Your mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open.

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're going through this, but I totally agree that it's the right thing to do. I also agree with the others about getting an attorney - or at least seeking advice. Most will meet with you the first time for free. He will have to pay child support and it's a pretty big percentage for 3 kids in my state (30% of his income). I know you said your taxes are a mess, but has he had checks from work? Somehow you've had money coming in that wasn't from your daycare parents, so you should be able to give an idea of his income. BTW, that will probably be his burden to prove, but you might want to be ready to "disprove" if he's not coming clean.

Good luck and know that we are all thinking of you!

Kim

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I was in a similiar situation eight years ago. I have three boys, was a stay at home mother, no income whatsoever. My ex would smoke pot, drink, stay out late, get phone calls from women, and when he did come home from work, he'd lay on the couch and watch tv and the children would say daddy look at what I did at school and he wouldn't even look away from the tv to see how proud my boys were of their work. At first he was abusive verbally but it did turn physically. I always wanted to keep my marriage but then he started in on my middle son, throwing him halfway down our hallway. So that was that. He never remembered my birthday, anniversary, etc. Never bought a gift for me ever. I make a big deal out of birthdays because it's such a special day but he never showed anything for my day. I would have been happy with a card or an acknowlegement. I didn't want my boys thinking that the abuse, drinking, etc was the way a father/husband/man should treat his wife/family. I borrowed $1500 dollars and hired a lawyer. I had him served papers, I warned him first. Since I was a stay at home mother, he had to move and until he signed the papers for divorce, he had to pay all the bills including groceries. He did so for eight months because he didn't want to pay the child support of $800/month for three children. So I agreed to $500 and I got to keep the land, my car, house, etc. He would always say no one would ever want me with three children but he was wrong. I'm happily married for three years now to an amazing man who is more of a father to my children than their father ever was. A good thing came from this too. My ex is a better father now that he only has to have the boys one night every other week. They enjoy the time with him. He stopped drinking. So now, I can say life is good.


sandy

Thank you for all of your posts of support and advice. It has helped. :-)

We told our daughters last night and it was heartbreaking. My 5 year old took it the hardest as she is Daddy's little girl. I am honestly worried that she will become physically ill from not being able to be with him as often as she is used to. My other daughters were visibly upset but my baby was distraught and went from crying and saying "please don't do it" to talking about wanting to be a cheetah girl so she could go anywhere she wanted ( a totally random thought ), to saying she just wanted to go to sleep. It broke my heart and I just wanted to tell him to come home so that they would stop crying and feeling so horrible. I didn't want to state specifically why I asked my husband to leave so they kept asking why we couldn't just try harder if we both want it to work. I don't want to paint their father in a bad light by stating the reasons I asked him to leave. He told them "Mommy and Daddy just want each other to be happy and we aren't happy with each other right now." I think my 12 year old saw through it but that vague explanation made the younger two more confused.

I have an appointment with a counselor in the coming days. I am hoping that I can learn what I should say and what I should keep from them. I am also hoping to find someone for the girls to talk to so that they are able to express how they are feeling without worrying about hurting either one of us. The counselor that I am meeting with will give me a list of other resources as well. I am hopeful that there will be information about a local Alanon group. My step mother-in-law warned me that she has heard some of the groups can be cult like. Has anyone heard of anything like this?

So far he has not indicated that he is willing to make any changes. I haven't asked but I would be lying if I said I didn't want him to make the promises. My prayer is that I can be strong enough to stand firm, and still stay hopeful for a reconciliation, that he will decide he wants to enter rehab to address his addictive behaviors and that he will succeed at beating his demons, that we will all heal and grow after this awful experience, that I will not speak against him to our children, that we can become friends if we are not able to stay married, that I am able to keep our children in our home and raise them as God would have me raise them.

I have a list of "to do's" that I will be working on in the next week; the legal advice and financial stuff. Baby steps.

Thank you again for being a sounding board. I am thankful for the blessing that is you.

Great big bear hug, mjtheo....and prayers. Your posts are so thoughtful, caring, articulate....you are awesome and please don't forget it.

cj/

As a Paralegal you should take there advice and seek an attorny. You need to know what your rights are in your state. Each is different. I am praying for you. I went through this as a child, begged my mom to leave. Shw would then go right back. Please don't put your children through this any longer. It will be hard on them, but will benefit them in the future.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.
I've been there and done that....so I know how painful it is.

As others have said, first, you should get into an AlAnon group. You can learn soooo much from those people.

And no matter what you say to your dh...HE himself has to face up to his addictions... and seek help for himself before any help will do him any good. AlAnon will tell you that.
No matter what threats you might make, or how much his family is against his addictions...ONLY HE himself can make the determination that he has problems and wants to do something about it. If and when that time comes...then maybe he can kick his habits. If he does finally go for help, then he will need your moral support to conquor (sp) these demons.

Until that time comes, you're best bet is to get on with your life and make as good a life as you can for you and the kids. And attend AlAnon for YOUR moral support.

BEST OF LUCK
HUGS

__________________
Barb


My GOD Bless our Country and our Troops, and rid the World of terroists.

((((HUGS))))) I am so sorry you are going through this.

It will get better with time, trust me.


I can offer you as many (((((HUGS)))))) as you would like, don't be afraid to ask.

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this - and with kids too. I hope you realize how brave and strong you are for making the decision to put you and your children and first by asking him to leave. I know what you are doing has to be really scary. It probably would have been easiest to stay with your husband and pretend like his drinking wasn't as bad as it is (that's what it sounds like his family is doing). It's great that you already have an appointment with a counselor and are finding out who you can take your kids to talk to.

Even though your husband hasn't been very good to you and your kids, please don't badmouth him to them. From what you have posted so far, I'm sure you wouldn't do that anyways. They will come to their own realizations in time. My mom left my dad when I was really young because of the same exact reasons that you are splitting from your husband. I couldn't have been more than three years old, but I still remember standing between them while they yelled and screamed at eachother. I also remember my dad calling my mom names and saying horrible things about her when she would drop me off to visit with him, however, my mom never even let me say anything negative about my dad (and there were even some instances where he hit her). To this day, I still have so much more respect for my mom than I do for my dad, even though he quit drinking about 15 years ago. It's pretty sad, but I really wish he wasn't in my life at all - I'm just afraid that if I told him, that he would use that as an excuse to start drinking again and his whole side of the family would blame me.

Not much that I can say that others haven't already said----I will keep you and your children in my prayers, also. And---I think you did the right thing. You are right---you would only be teaching your girls how to stay in an unhappy marriage. You are worth something-----a lot!! and you and your children deserve to be with someone who makes you happy, builds you up, and gives you respect. Kathrn

big {{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}} !

I can tell you that children, girls especially WILL in MOST cases gravitate to what they know. They may not grow up to be alcoholics, although they COULD...most MARRY them.

Only you can decide what is okay and not okay for you and your kids. You are doing the right thing. You may not need to hear that but I want to be sure that if you DO need to hear it...I'm the one to say it.
As a child of an alcholic father who MARRIED an alcoholic....well need I say more?!

As you close that door you will be opening the door to a better life free of chaos, setting a good example for your dd's. They will adapt. Trust me I WISHED my parents had divorced when I was a kid...unfortunately they waited til I was 22!

Your probably doing him a favor as well. Your showing him that not only is his behavior unacceptable but that you will not enable it and allow it to cloud your children's environment.

I do agree though... no matter what he says or promises... seek legal counsel.

Good Luck.

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Long Lost ejm99 !

SHEEEE'SSS BAAAAACK!

short and simple of it is--He has a major problem. He has been given several opportunities to correct/fix the problem. YOU can not fix this problem for him. You and your children SUFFER because of his problem. Until he has reached rock bottom and WANTS to correct the problem, nothing will change. You did what was best for you and your children at this moment in time. If losing his family did not make him reassess his priorities, then I don't know what will!

(((HUGS)))


I lived in an abusive marriage for 12 years. My DH did not think *HE* had a problem--until the last time, when the police arrested him, and he spent the night in jail. Upon release, he realized that I had finally had enough and was making plans to take our children and leave. Of course, I reached that point because *I* was in a position where I had friends, I had a job, I had more self-esteem, etc. and let DH know that I was fed up...We went to marriage counseling. The counselor recommended that DH have a medical exam because he felt DH might either be suffering from depression or bipolar. For years I had suspected that DH was depressed or had some sort of psychological issues--sure enough, he was diagnosed Manic depressive and placed on medication. Things haven't been super fantastic great since then, but they have definitely been better.
The point of my story is this--YOU have reached the point where you cannot tolerate the destructive behaviour. Your DH has not! He will not make any changes until he realized that he is the one with a problem and only HE can correct the problem.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I thought I would add one more success story, just so you know YOU really can make it without him. I was married 7 years to a verbally abusive man. It took him cheating for me to wake up. I went from being a stay-at-home mom, thinking I could never do it on my own, to a college graduate in just 4 years. I have the love and support of my church and (out-of-town) family.

I filed for legal separation, then the divorce papers 3 months later. He has paid very little in child support in the last 5 years. Which is not meant to be a negative in this story. It has taught me that I am strong enough to do what it takes to support my two kids. We have a good life. We are very active in church and I'm PTA president at the elementary school. I have a good job, own my home, and just bought a new car. And I have a faith in God that can't be broken!!

Your divorce papers can include many things, among them that your husband must pay your lawyer. And try to get the tax benefit of all your children, it will come in handy over the next few years! Look into grants for college if you are interested. With my low income, Pell grants and state grants covered tuition. I used student loans and flexible jobs to help me through the last 5 years. It has really paid off!!!

Please accept another big hug and know that you are loved!
Kindra

I was just thinking about you this morning and prayed for you. How are things going? How are your girls?